It feels as though my emotions are turned a bit upside down just now–and I know that’s a positive thing in my personal journey. While I consider myself to be one who is acutely aware of her feelings and what lives beneath them, these have crept up on me and so bring a heightened state of awareness with them.
A few years ago I was blessed enough to be part of an intimate women’s group of six. We were very real about our feelings, our emotional wounds and allowed the most raw space of ourselves to be expressed as we healed through it all together. For me personally, my pain and frustration came at first in groans without words to even articulate what the feelings were. Eventually there were screams and deep guttural crying left where the deepest hurt had been living for too long. This time in my life was immensely powerful and healing, although I must say there were many moments of uncertainty, defensive posturing and outright fear at what might come from this place within myself.
Since that time, my journey has found its own balance–my emotions less intense and the pain has healed. Yet, this last week, I’m aware of another level of transformation that is taking hold of my consciousness. This time, pain is not as profound, nor is it perhaps the underlying source. Instead, it feels like emotions that have been quieted as they allowed my spiritual growth to advance. Perhaps it is an agreement deep within ourselves, when to approach which part of our enlightenment. This place feels less like healing old wounds and more as though it’s time to just “wake up” a bit more.
Time to “wake up” to places in my life where I might be living a bit asleep and not fully present in my self. So many wonderful things have occurred for me, it’s easy to feel “full” in that space and follow its course. But now, Spirit is shifting the path. There is a transformation taking shape through the lifting of the veil to see myself even more clearly. Although there are uncomfortable and sometimes even sad or hurtful places along the way, they’re accompanied by a sense of knowing–“this is good.” This is exactly where I’m supposed to be. For as much as intuition, joy, wisdom and sharing are me–sadness, feeling lost and turning inward are me too. ALL of this is me. And I am exactly where I’m supposed to be.
I share this with you friends as a reminder to us all. EVERY step of our journey is part of who we are, and is meant to be. As awake as we are at any time in the process of walking this human path, there is always a place in us still to be awakened. Enlightenment is not a one time occurrence. It happens continually, in a cycle throughout the course of our lives. Our choice is to allow it to move us, indeed to move through us.
In her class on Mysticism, Caroline Myss taught that confusion is a “good” thing. Having our world turned upside down and feeling uncertain which way to turn, how to move forward and just what we need to take that next step–all of these force us to stop and take inventory of ourselves, where we are, what we truly desire. And in these most vulnerable places, we turn to the Divine for comfort, support and guidance. Out of confusion comes transformation. Transformation shifts the course we are on, allowing our soul to move us forward, tuning us in more and more to the Divine whispers……that come from within the space of the heart…..