Healing A Mother’s Heart

Mother love is the fuel that enables a normal human being to do the impossible.

Letting go. Releasing. Transformation. Shifting. Rebirth. Such familiar words, aren’t they? And yet, we can’t quite grasp the reality of each one unless we are personally in the midst of our own life change. That is exactly where I find myself.

Emotions run deep as I am realizing just what it’s like to be a mom who is ‘letting go’ of her growing children. In truth, they aren’t even ‘children’ anymore, but young adults moving quickly into the space of becoming fully independent. Only recently have I become aware of the process required to ‘let go’ of these magnificent beings for whom I have taken total responsibility on so many levels for the entirety of their life. And it’s not even that it’s simply about them not ‘needing’ their mom, in fact it’s likely very little about that. I’m not certain I can yet say all of what it’s about, only that there is a very healing process in coming to this space and sharing these inner movements of my being.

Photo by Gabriela Staebler

It’s an old cliche’ isn’t it–that we will love our children only to grow them up and watch them leave. It’s not the physical leaving so much as the emotional disconnect that occurs along side that. We’ve raised our children to have significant freedoms in choosing how they wish to think, act, believe and interact with their daily lives. As they enter the world of young adulthood, they are now ready to wholly take on that freedom in a much different way. And we are left with sideline seats as they step into the wholeness of who they are–at least who they are in this place of life.

And so what I find grieving within is that loss of being their MOM who can cuddle up on the couch, who can squeeze them tight at any moment, who can share her concerns and still be able to protect them. This is not something my spirit–my heart–knows how to navigate. In this place all there is for me to do is love, even when loving mom back isn’t ‘cool’ anymore. How does a mom move away from these sweet ‘children’ being her babies still? I don’t know the answer to that. What I do know, is that it is indeed time to let go; time to allow these three of my greatest loves to step forward into their own journeys as young adults; time to trust that while Earth mom is fading into the background for a bit, their Divine Mother will always be with them.

The wound is the place where the light enters you. ~ Rumi

The beauty of this space is that while my heart breaks, my mind understands there is something magical blossoming simultaneously. This is a new chapter of my life too. One in which I focus once again on the wife I am, on the individual I am, on the purpose and joys that my heart will follow next. Thank you for sharing, my friends. Love to each…xo

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17 thoughts on “Healing A Mother’s Heart

  1. Pingback: Coming ‘Home’ « A Heart's Whispers

  2. and a father’s love as well (~_~) it seems to be human nature here, I feel as you do about them sprouting their wings and having their own life, yet some how they are still are our children. I felt this post deeply…

  3. Hi~ I just found your beautiful blog thanks for sharing your creativity with the world. I share much of the same sentiments as you.
    As I read this post I am reminded of my youngest child who left a few weeks ago to start his college life. I have found this to be a melancholy time for me as I watch him step forward into the life that has been prepared for him, no longer needing his mother at that same level. I look at the photograph’s from when they were young and long for the days when they cuddled on the couch.
    I do have a beautiful little granddaughter to bond with~ such a joy.

    1. It’s a strange time indeed, don’t you think? I find for me, mixed with the melancholy is the ability to embrace this new space in our lives. While I can feel a chapter of our life beginning to end, there’s a new one beginning just as I turn the page. Wonder if you’re feeling any of this?

      How blessed for you to have your granddaughter! The Universe does give us people, animals & Nature in our lives to continue bringing us joy…even in the moments of sadness and uncertainty. Amazing that as much as I felt emotional about this last week….this week the emotions are quieter and more content. Ah, the circle of life. Thank you for being here, and for sharing a bit of YOU….sending love to you. xoxo

  4. Janece

    ah, see what I miss when I’m in my head writing???

    I remember a time – maybe a year or two ago (and this was when my daughter and I were still astranged). I was overwhelmed by this feeling of “Oh my GOD – it’s come and gone!! That entire period of my life…of having and raising children…is now gone! I had no idea it would pass so quickly!”

    It was stunning – like a punch to the gut. Having a grandchild helps, thats for sure πŸ™‚ but for me the key was to find other things…people..projects…myself…to nurture. I’ll always be a nurturer – God made me this way! I believe that now that the season of raising children is behind me, it’s important to keep that alive.

    Also, now that the kids are grown up (24 and 25), relating to them as adults is bringing me a brand new kind of wonderful. Do I see them every day, or talk to them every day? No. But now when we see each other, there’s a certain *thing* that feels different. We relate more as people, not just mother/son or whatever.

    I’m guessing you’ll slip in and out of this over the next few years…but you know, every time we let go of what we have, there’s always something new and wonderful to come and fill it πŸ™‚

    Love to you!

    1. Janece…Thank you for sharing your heart. It’s interesting to note how we all go through this process, and I can fully see in your words how much of that ‘mother’ energy is present in your life. ❀

      I do know it's true….that as we let go something new enters that space. On a very positive note, there is time to allow my husband and I to sort of reconnect, to find one another again–only we're not the same people we were 20 years ago! So it's almost like starting fresh. And the peace and quiet in the house is heavenly, I must say.

      These emotions creep up on me when I least expect it. It's not like something that is ever present in your mind as an emptiness, but there is a releasing, grieving even for something that has been evolving since the day they were born. I've just remembered thinking that one they got to be teenagers, I might not enjoy them as much–and yet, I did/have/do. The part of being able to know them as people–as you say–has been so enjoyable. Clearly the emotions that overwhelm are feeling balanced just now….so there is a perspective of joy. And how blessed that we have both to accompany us, to help us find our way. Thank you for your love…feel like I'm rambling on a bit. LOL….xoxo

  5. You have some very loving cats, just waiting for all the extra attention you can muster. In the mean time the kids will be on their journeys and, will realise that the wonderful mother they were gave them a great start in life, they will learn with their own eyes the gratitude for all that was provided for them. They need this.

    The greatest thing for them, is that when they need you, you will be there to snuggle up on the couch and watch tv together, or to give them that hug they need when the world isn’t as loving as you have been to them. They have someone they call call, someone who will drop everything to be there for them, or listen on the end of a phone.

    They know you are amazing, despite whatever may come out of their mouths in their growing moments. Over time the gratitude will come, the appreciation for what a gift their lives have been & the memories of all that has been blessed on them will never die. They have great foundations for exploring the world & the safest place in the world to come back to when they need or want it most- a loving mothers arms.

    Love you Jackie.

  6. Awakened Mothers

    Words written from the heart are very powerful. Thank you for taking the time to share them with everybody.
    I was reflecting about this subject today, when I saw a mother and a daughter walking in my store. The mother, used to doing everything for her now teenage girl; the daughter, used to be bored by her mother’s advice.
    It’s such a fine line that parents must walk between telling our kids what to do, and letting them do and make mistakes on the way.
    Perhaps our job is to teach our kids how to make good decision on their own, instead of making decisions for them.

    1. So true what you say about the ‘fine line’ we walk with our children–feeling we can sense what is best for them, and yet allowing them to learn it on their own. Yes indeed, our job it to teach them…not to do it for them. Thank you for your warmth and your words of wisdom. xo

  7. aw sweets, being a mom keeps you so connected to your own heart, every beat of it. It will all come full circle and growth is happening in each of you right now. Have a good cry and then stretch out your arms to embrace life!

I always love to hear your thoughts....xx

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