How Do I Say?

How do I say
‘I’m not feeling loved
I’m missing myself
Can’t quite see me?’

How do I feel
Emptiness in my heart
To which I’ve become accustomed?

How do I heal
Pain buried so deep
I forgot it was there?

How do I let go
Long enough
Open enough
Deep enough
To feel all that is there?

What are the words?
Why is there fear?
How do I just let it be?

How do I say
‘I’m not ok’
Honoring the pause that follows?

How do I enter
Sacred space of surrender,
As tears softly fall from my heart?

So the question becomes:

How do I not?

Pain is my teacher
Advocate, guide.
Fear is my courage
Strength, catalyst for change.
Anxiety is the messenger
Of things to come.

How do I not
Embrace each of these?

Why must they be the antagonist
In this human charade–
When the call of my soul
Is longing for more?

I’m breaking apart
Out of this shell.
I’m letting it be–
Speaking the words
Honoring the voice
Feeling the pain.

Because this is ME.
Not all shiny with glitter
But pure just the same.
I embrace who I am.

What began as resistance
Becomes sweet surrender.

How do I say:
‘I am yours. Open me’?

~ * ~

*Several interactions and experiences have led up to this post. I would like to share the post I read this morning, by Crowing Crone Joss. What really stood out to me: ‘Listen to the pain.’ Thank you Joss. Always you inspire me with your wisdom and grace. xoxo

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Inspiring fiery passion through soul connection. Lover, Seducer, Awakener, Firestarter, Visionary. #kissingthesacred

27 thoughts on “How Do I Say?”

    1. I love that it connected with your own post and sentiments, Dorothy! We are all so connected and are experiencing that in the most amazing ways as we continue into this ‘new age’ of being. All of us is WAKING UP and remembering who we truly are. I love the ride – and I love that you stopped by to share in it. Thank you. xoxo

  1. Reblogged this on A Heart's Whispers and commented:

    This post from December 2011 crossed my path just now and struck me how poignantly I was feeling the strands of growth in my life. Sharing it again because rather than feeling pain as I read it, I feel the grace and beauty of breaking the shell and liberating my self. As we do this for ourselves, we do it for all of Life. May your spirit be freed from any shackles you’ve consciously or unconsciously placed there. May you look within and find beauty even in the darkest of corners–for all they ask of you is to feel the warmth and light of your attention, even for a moment. May you embrace the purity that is you, glitter and bling aside. May you revel in your own divinity. xoxo

    1. The beauty in those words speaks to me of the wonder of the journey you’ve been on, dear one. As DeAnne mentioned “consciousness isn’t for sissies”. We sure have come to know that and yet we continue on, knowing that beauty awaits us, that growth is worth it, and as we continue to go deep, we rise to newness of life and joy. Magic yet awaits!

      1. It’s extraordinary to me, Joss. I am remembering just now that when reading this over again yesterday, there was no sense of the sadness I felt when first writing it a few years ago. And then the recent photo where I no longer saw sadness in my eyes. Often when something so obvious happens in my life, I feel there is something significant that led to its presence. However, in this case, it has been a gentle and loving process that I wasn’t even fully conscious was happening. No longer is it necessary to remain caught in our wounds – we are free to radiate all that we are. I love that. Ready for the magic….xo

  2. Funny how when you need something it shows up:) Today I keep wondering how do you get rid of the pain? I don’t want it to be my teacher anymore. I can’t see what I am learning from it. I have been searching for far to long to find a purpose. You are right. I must learn to just surrender. Not easy.

    1. Ginny – you might like to read Joss’s post today about pain, for I’m remembering I’d wanted to link it to my own. I read her post on ‘Pain Management’ and that part of what led me to just begin letting these words flow.

      I’ve also worked with a woman named Fay Hart who assist in taking us through a process where we don’t judge, try to understand or get rid of our pain, but we simply look at it and let ourselves FEEL what comes from that space.

      Yes, surrendering INTO the pain is the key – and yet we are so terrified of doing just that. I’ve often felt and heard others say as well – ‘what if I don’t come out of that place?’ And yet, I’ve never experienced that nor witnessed it as a result of consciously FEELING our discomfort, pain, sadness. Let’s together work on it, shall we? I will hold you in my prayers, as well as all those who gather in this space, as a community of people seeking to be well, to let go, to heal – to SURRENDER to All That Is.

      Thank you for sharing here. I appreciate you. Much love, xoxo.

  3. Beautifully said Jackie. You have touched my soul and I am feeling this down to my toes. My heart has been hurting over my 17 yr old son who is an alcoholic and I have tried everything to help him. He hates me and is disrespectful. I am going to have to let him go live with his alcoholic father…….I am just sick. Thank you for your beautiful writings ❤ Much LOVE to you!

    1. Dearest Kathy,

      My heart aches for you. Ironically, I understand completely the challenges you are facing with your son and how it feels to have them believe they actually do hate you – when in truth they are trying to escape their own pain. I’m sorry for the hurt you’re feeling – I know there are times when I can’t hold back the tears myself when it feels as though our son just plain old doesn’t like me anymore – nevermind the moments he feels he hates me. There is a lot of pain around that – and my heart is with you.

      Sometimes all we can do is tune in to what we need ourselves, and trust that the Universe is managing the rest. Sending you ALL my love….and holding you in my heart. xoxo

  4. “How do I say: ‘I am yours. Open me’?” – Come to my soul, I will embrace you. You will know. All of you is perfectly imperfect, beautiful and to use your own words, pure. There are so many emotions that are labelled as bad or negative, but if we do allow them to just be- if we rid the stereotypical expectations and labels we place on emotions and feelings, they just are, and in honouring them all, allowing them to be and learning from everything, we move on. I love this writing. Thank you for opening out to us. I love you Jackie ❤

    1. It’s so true Anna. We’re used to determining if this feeling is ‘good’ or ‘bad’ – how long we should be feeling down or upset or alone. We are so full of judgment, rather than simply just allowing ourselves to (as Crowing Crone Joss says) ‘Listen to the Pain.’ Ugh. This is a challenge for me – I know that to be true. My very nature is positive, so to take pause and not put a positive outlook or ‘spin’ on it – but rather to actually feel the rawness of what already IS – that is a challenge indeed. But I’m learning. With the love, support and guidance of a whole community of soul companions, guides, teachers and loving friends who are sharing, opening, embracing. Together we are honoring who we are, letting the voices be heard and allowing ourselves to feel the discomfort – SEEING it in order that the light may shine through.

      Thank you for loving me as you do. You are a tremendous source of love in my heart. I’m always grateful…and send the love back to you. xoxo I love you Anna.

  5. There is great Strength in this Jackie – Opening Up this way my sweet – “Not all shiny and Glitter ” so true – Vulnerability is Strength …… Not that many people view things this way – But i believe so …….. Simply saying “I am ” To the emotions you are experiencing at the moment and to let them flow so freely as you do – Well that is a Gift . There does not need to be a “Pullback ” in psychological terms -to view these emotions and let them go … There does not need to be any of this …
    I listened to this video this morning on Youtube – from The University of California about Happiness – rather – the “Science ” of it …. If You like i can place it here .
    If not – i just want to write you that You inhabit a really important place in my heart .- And i Love You like a sister …..
    Your Open heart is beautiful and Remains Just That ….
    Beautiful – always – Without Armour of any sort – Just a beautiful Heart that Touches and moves others with Her Openness .
    I love You ,

    1. I cannot tell you how you touch my heart Cat – always I can feel your loving presence. You have such an appreciation of me – for just being me. I’m so grateful. Your comments always make me smile and fill me up with feeling loved. The openness of your spirit is refreshing – always willing to reach out, with authenticity and vulnerability and just BE LOVE. You are a gift to me…and I’m so thankful to have met you. While we may not be sisters in life, we are indeed sisters of the soul. I love you. xoxo

      1. We are – and On this Journey together – This is why – when i saw this – this morning – and then Read You – i was tearful in a way that was meant to be – So many synchonicities – (spelled wrong)- these days……
        So very many – I love You….
        I was researching “The Golden Rule” and stumbled Upon this – I had to add it to one of my blogs on education and i feel something Timely ……
        Enjoy – I love You ……..

    1. Thank you Joss. I feel it – this powerful time of transition. There is a stirring that comes with deep, deep emotional awareness. Always I appreciate your love and support. Feeling blessed to share this journey with you. Much love, xo

I always love to hear your thoughts....xx

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