Feeling the Hunger

The hunger I’m feeding could in fact be preventing me from connecting to the passion I’m actually feeling.

It’s uncomfortable–so we seek comfort; at least I do. Most of us who are gathered here are aware of the reality that so often human beings bury emotions beneath the food they eat. I’ve somewhat recognized this in myself, but not to the extent that is becoming so inescapably obvious. My belief is that as we approach significant rites of passage in our lives, we must come face to face with pieces we’ve buried beyond the surface of our every day thoughts. Tomorrow I’ll be 40 – the growing awareness leading up to that moment is that there are spaces within myself that require healing – in a way that I’ve not encountered for the last few years. There is a deep, deep sadness and pain that is longing to be seen and heard. I share this with you not to procure sympathy, but to move forward into a much more sacred truth around this process, one to which perhaps many of us can relate.

While to the human self, the voice is one of pain, emptiness, longing–in reality there is a Divine whisper beneath its call. The hunger comes from the recesses of my soul, manifesting in the form of human emotions and realities. What I recognize is the passion that lives unearthed in the core of my being. It’s become abundantly clear that staying in this place will only serve to block the outlet from which the most beautiful pieces of my spirit emanate. Resisting the looking glass through which I see what feels to be ugliness, unwelcome discipline, overwhelming emotion will only serve to squelch the melody that plays from the deep well of my soul, hidden beneath these layers.

The hunger is the voice of the Divine, calling, beckoning, reaching out. And yet, my perceived reality is such that I believe myself at times to be in a state of emptiness, without love, void of purpose–and so I feed THAT hunger, preventing the journey that takes me more further into the pure space of All That Is. So, in order to heal–I’m FEELING the hunger instead of FEEDING it. I’m acknowledging that food cannot satisfy the emptiness that lives within even as I embrace that the emptiness is what will drive me to seek union with the sacred rather than the fleeting satisfaction of food. This is a tremendous challenge for me, but one that I’m choosing to take on and feel my way through. Food has been a constant source of companionship. In my desire to be wholly present, it’s time to heal my relationship to what I eat, how I eat, why I eat. I’m telling my emotions it’s okay to feel this way. For as we open ourselves to feeling fully what is true for us, we give ourselves the gift of moving through the layers and arriving at what is a Universal truth for us. What we perceive is not always a Universal truth. Time to separate the two and honor the reality of my soul.

Thank you for listening, for allowing me to share this very intimate and personal truth with you. Although I have *known for some time there is inner work to be done here–healing to occur, letting go that is required–there has been a tremendous force of defense guarding the entrance to this space. I’m ready now. I choose wholeness. My heart whispers guidance to let go–trust that all is well, honor the call of my soul–and surrender even this. There is great fear in me. Just saying so shines light on it, acknowledging it, welcoming it rather than giving it power through exile. I am welcoming the fear, the sadness, the emptiness–because they are part of me. They are begging to be seen, to be heard, to be loved. Oh my, dear friends, that is a realization. As I recognize some part of me feels unloved, I’ve been asking today–how on earth do I know what to do to love that part, when I don’t even know what that part is? Yet, here has come some answer, revealed through just saying: ‘I am welcoming the fear, sadness, emptiness.’ THAT is the place in me that is unloved. The ugly. How we do deceive ourselves. Do you see my friends–that when we tuck it away, in a room dusty and stale, door closed, never to be opened or seen again–that we abandon some part of who we are? I’ve done just that. Whatever it’s been that has made Jackie want to eat for comfort–I left that part of her locked away, steeped in judgment, loneliness, guilt and shame.

No more. I’m unlocking the door, looking inside, clearing the cobwebs and holding her with love. This is the journey laid out for me. This is the gift I give to Jackie as she becomes more fully herself–ALL of herself.

All my love…

xo

P.S. I couldn’t believe this image when I found it – about comfort food. This is the ‘story’ my ego has been telling so that I could ‘be ok.’

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Published by

Jacqueline

Inspiring fiery passion through soul connection. Lover, Seducer, Awakener, Firestarter, Visionary. #kissingthesacred

16 thoughts on “Feeling the Hunger”

  1. Happy Birthday, Jackie. I just had a birthday last Sunday but I turned 64yr. Just a bit older than you 🙂 You touch my heart but more so you touch my soul. In years past when I felt negative emotions, I was lucky, I could not eat. Now I find myself running for the junk food which is my comfort food.

    I know it is trying to fill the void and feelings of not being loved. I also know the one who has to love me the most is me. This I am finding very difficult.

    I want to lash out at my partner, who really does bring me down, but if I had enough love and self-esteem I could fight off his emotional cruelty
    and let it flow right off me.

    Your blog makes me realize I am in fear, many fears, and they are scary to face. Someone told me “just sit through the pain.” Good advice but not always easy to do.

    I resonate with you. You are a courageous person putting out to the world your fears and insecurities. You are a fabulous writer, words come from your soul and spirit. You are young, with the work you are doing now, when you reach my age, you will be shining!!! 🙂

  2. Dearest Jackie, I celebrate this day of your birth with you as you unveil a deeper truth within yourself. Food has indeed played a big part in the lives of the women in my family & I have had my own dance with it’s shadows too. Congratulations to you for letting this demon out of it’s dungeon to let your beautiful light shine on it too. After years of struggling with bulimia, one of my sisters has found great comfort in the community created by Geneen Roth & together we just read her recent book that applies the same awarenesses about our relationship to food to how we deal with money. It’s brought my sister & I closer together too & I am very grateful. So please know that I am cheering you on in this profound process & transformation & so grateful that I am privileged to be here by your side! With Love & Blessings ♡ Jeanette

    1. Happy Belated !!!!!!!!! 🙂 I just saw ! Hope It is a wonderful new year of Love – peace and Happiness For You – In My heart – I know it will be 🙂
      Happy Happy Birthday –
      sending You tons of bright starry wishes !!!!!

      🙂 LOVE YOU !!!!! XO

  3. as you open up – open that door – allow another part, a deeper layer – of who you are to step into the light, you will be received with love and joy, with compassion and grace. walk in beauty dear one, walk in beauty.

  4. AND NOW YOU ARE TELLING A NEW STORY!!!

    Thank you for sharing this Jackie.
    I think the fear is your friend that you just haven’t taken the time to get to know yet. Fear is an emotion that makes you stop….but its what you do after you stop that changes the experience. Fear is telling you to take a moment, check out what your thoughts are, why they are and shine some light on them…as you shine the light, the darkness fades and the truth can then expand. This is what you are doing right now.
    How truly intimate and raw this is, but how loving and freeing it is too.
    I am with you the whole way ❤
    Lynn

    1. Lynn – you are such a constant presence of inspiration and positive energy. Love watching your own path unfold and savor each moment that you take time to share your truths. I’m so VERY blessed to have a soul-full group of women who surround and love me. Thank you for being part of that. xoxo

  5. ((( Jackie ))) I found the 40s to be a really transformative time in my life. Funny how I thought I had it ‘all together” before that. haha! 🙂 You’ve touched on a subject that many women face – our relationship with food. It’s a real love/hate thing something, and is especially true in light of the constant barrage of messages we get what we should look like, or weigh, to be ‘beautiful’.

    Hang in there, kid! Love to you!

    1. Janece – there’s something powerful in the connection to a woman who honors herself and can say she’s ‘been there.’ I so appreciate your warmth, understanding and support as you witness the opening of the deepest parts of me. The journey isn’t always ‘frosting on the cake’ (to use my friend Jeanette’s words) – but it IS rich with the opportunity to grow, to go deeper and to fully embrace ourselves. Much love to you…xoxo

I always love to hear your thoughts....xx

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