How does it come to be that we measure the ways in which we love? By this I mean, we carefully keep in check how much we let it show that we love someone, something, ourselves. There seem to be social boundaries around how and when to let your love show.
I remember being a teenager and writing love letters. Sitting in the corner of my bedroom where the heat register was, curled up and in my pj’s, I would sit for easily an hour and write the whispers of my heart. There was something so liberating in being able to say to someone what I was feeling – about anything, about everything.
As I think back to that time and then continue on through the years, I can see that I’ve always had someone in my life with whom I can be completely open and honest. Sometimes a narrative issued directly from the heart can later feel to be so ‘silly’ or ‘out there.’ And yet, it reveals the purest of who we are.
How is it that we have fear wrapped around this exercise, this opening and willingness to let ourselves be felt and heard? I’m asking myself this question, as I can see that there are places where I have such love, but keep it so carefully guarded. Subconsciously, there are ways in which I protect the depth of how much I can and do love. There are filters on when, how and with whom it flows.
I recognize that some of this is part of our social structure. We aren’t ‘supposed’ to put it all out there on display for everyone to see. The best reason I can find for this isn’t the one that we might expect – the vulnerability of others taking advantage. Instead it’s one that we create ourselves – the fear of humiliation. How does it look to let such depth of love be seen, felt, heard?
Humiliation. Takes me again to my teacher, Caroline Myss. In the same series on mysticism in which we connected to the fire of grace, we talked of humiliation vs. humility. It takes humility to let our love shine so brilliantly. And I don’t mean the kind of shining that means we have to tell everyone about it. Sometimes it’s just letting our truth be present, however it will. Because we are Divine beings, we are also beings filled with Divine love, and meant to let that love touch and seep into the world around us.
I loved watching Oprah interview Aerosmith lead singer Steven Tyler on her new program, ‘Oprah’s Next Chapter.‘ He let his ability to love so deeply, so openly, so erotically be heard and seen for what it is. He didn’t apologize, filter or make it sound acceptable. As they shared in the serenity of his home on Lake Sunapee, NH, Steven confidently and comfortably held true to his beliefs and who he is.
And I’m holding true to mine. I’m choosing to love as I feel it in my heart. I’m honoring the liberation of letting her whispers be my guide. And I know in doing so, I’m opening myself to seeing and moving through every boundary that keeps my deep and boundless love in check. I’m grateful to have had–and continue to have–experiences and people in my life that allow me to love without limits. And I’m feeling overwhelmed with the sudden awareness: THIS is my purpose. xo