Love’s Post-A-Day

I think I could write a post a day on all the properties, experiences, lessons, joys, heartbreak, inspiration (you get the idea) of love. She comes to us in so many forms, not the least of which is through the cracks in our hearts. Today’s Lesson: Moving past the frustration, through the heartbreak and into the space of love’s purity. 

So often I hear Rumi’s word in my heart: the crack, the wound is where the light shines through. As I laid on my pillow letting tears flow last night, recognizing for the first time with great clarity a deep heart pain, I nearly smiled with the truth of it. Amidst all of this, there is radiant light beginning to seep into through the jagged edges of heartbreak. I know the words, all too well. I’ve watched my mom go through ‘letting go’ of her five children as we grew into adults. Perhaps with little enough appreciation and definitely void of any understanding of what was really occurring in the deepest space of her heart. We give them birth, feeling even then our heartspace cracking wide open with a love we didn’t know was possible. As our children grow, we revel in our ability to provide their needs, nurture their spirit, honor their individuality. Without even giving a thought to the day when they DON’T need us; when we cease to be the center of their world. When the careful work we have done to let them make choices and be who they are suddenly becomes the impetus to a disengagement from their dependence on us. And truthfully my friends – I would have been the last one to expect this of myself, but I must tell you – it hurts like hell. 

I wasn’t prepared – at all – for the level of heartbreak I’m recognizing in myself. Nope, not me. I’ve done deep pain release, letting it all go in cries that come from the darkest places of our insides. I’m good. Ready to go forward with a happy excitement for the next chapter of our lives. I THOUGHT. I was wrong. NOTHING in me was ready for this–for the realization that I’m holding on so tightly I’m creating conflict. I’ve forgotten that I want to LOVE, unconditionally. The pain became the lead, so quietly, covertly–converting into frustration and the belief that I was doing what was ‘best.’ But what I learned a few years back to do with my husband is just what I need to connect with as a mother: just love. Stop waiting for them to become what I see would be good, better, best for them. Stop wanting them to be what they are not. For gosh sakes, Jackie, stop trying to bend the situation to YOUR will. Love. Love them because YOU want to, not because they’re asking, not because they appreciate it–do it for the greatest reason there is: because YOU want to. Because I want to. 

 

Surrender. Let go. Once again, I find myself sitting deep in the center of these words. Follow the truth I believe in wholeheartedly and let this child go. Surrender their well-being to the Universe, who of course is much more qualified than you. Ugh. Dearest friends, I couldn’t see it. I couldn’t find this truth amongst the hurt overlaid with frustration. But I’m feeling it…and finding more peace as the day goes on and it settles in. 

And yet….I know in the core of my being – this is his path. He is fully held in the arms of grace. I’ve said it so many times, haven’t I? Do you believe it Jackie? Yes, yes, I do. Then LET go. 

And love. Just love. I know this harmony so well. Being able to view the situation with a bit more clarity, to release the frustration, to feel the heartbreak….I can find my way into the power of love. SHE will be our guide, now that I’m getting out of the way.

I’m grateful for the gift of clarity, of seeing this situation from a new perspective and reconnecting to a truth I can emulate: BE love. Love because YOU want to….because your heart longs to. xo 

 

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17 thoughts on “Love’s Post-A-Day

  1. Pingback: Miracles & Moments ~ No Comfort Zone Challenge Week 4 | A Heart's Whispers

  2. “I’m grateful for the gift of clarity,…..”

    you have a way of taking a subject, and making it clear through your own life experiences and casting a light of pure love on it… thank you for sharing and opening your heart to others so that LOVE spreads like pollen (grin)

    1. They do indeed. Andrew Harvey has just released a cd series of his readings of Rumi, with corresponding beautiful music created just for this series. Mystical, powerful, ‘cracking.’

      Thank you for being here…sharing your thoughts…a bit of yourself. xoxo

  3. Janece

    I’m tempted to tell you that I have good news and bad news, girlfriend.

    The good news is, it will become easier to navigate this rocky road you’re on over time. That has been my experience anyway (including, as you know, 18 months of ‘radio silence’ from my youngest…)

    The bad news is, is that no matter how old our children become, we will always need to remind ourselves of the very wisdom you just so eloquently described. LOL Parenting is NOT for the weak of heart, is it?

    1. I feel the truth of both. Not for the weak of heart at all. And so many detours we never could foresee, understand or imagine for ourselves as parents. I always thought letting go was getting over them going to college. Instead it’s making peace with being their ‘mother’ rather than ‘mom.’

      One thing I can say for certain: I have so much more appreciation for MY mother. I can see clearly why some things along the way played out as they did. Being a child is a very different perspective from being a mother. They are worlds apart.

      Good news/bad news: at the end of the day, if I can just continue to focus on my desire and ability to love, there will still be pain sometimes, there will be joy as well, but always it will be OK at the end of the day. Can feel the warmth in your post…thank you. I know you VERY clearly understand. xo

    1. It does sometimes ‘sneak up.’ But what I’ve found to be true is that 1. allowing the emotions to flow and 2. being able to find the healing energy in it all seems to shift the energy. This is the fullest reality of our ‘shadows’ – not so much that they are dark and ugly, but that when we shine light into their space, we heal and love them. xo

  4. That’s a lot of good advice you’ve given yourself. Now the key is to train it, every day , every minute, every moment. Looking back on my own moments of heartache and misery, I recognize now that I was the cause of it all by focusing on myself too much and not on others. It’s like staring at the sun. It’s too much. Best to avert our eyes from the source of light and focus on the ones that the light is cast on. 🙂
    Peace & grace,
    ~Miro

    1. Yes, good advice indeed, lol. I’m already feeling the shift…just in realizing the pain was there…brought a sort of neutrality to it. And what has come to be true in this case is that NOT focusing on my son and what I need to do to resolve the situation – and instead just tuning in to who I am and what I’m experiencing has made all the difference. The pressure is off – and I can just let my heart do what it wants anyway – love him. xo

  5. Feel the heartbeat of the Great Mother as she opens her arms to you, letting you rest your head upon her breast. She offers you comfort and grace. Within her heart you will find the strength you need and even, yes, joy!

  6. Lindsay

    Wonderful heartfelt post Jackie. I could feel your emotions and i know that if anyone can get through this its YOU! It takes time but you can get through this ❤ I love you!

  7. All is well in the universe. No matter what happens, all is well with you. You have been the very best mother and you are the very best mother. Whether it is acknowledged now, or never, as my post on your wall explained, does not negate the job you’ve done, and the job you are doing in the toughest of motherhood challenges: setting them free. You are love and you are loved.

    1. Setting them free. I wouldn’t have thought that I of all people would struggle with this. Keep hearing this truth: I do not own them. They are not mine. Only for a time…and when that time comes to a close, all is not lost. I truly had no idea how much pain was underneath the frustration and conflict. THAT was the eye opening piece that was living in the shadows. And once we shine light into the darkness, healing occurs. I’m feeling it….letting go and letting the love flow. I love you Anna. xoxox

I always love to hear your thoughts....xx

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