How’s that for no comfort?
Paint. That was my intention this week. Wasn’t sure just how it would play out as there are a couple of paint ‘projects’ I want to attend to. The first is to paint our kitchen and breakfast area….which honestly, I’ve painted at least four times since we moved in seven years ago. I’m a compulsive painter of rooms in the house. Love to see the colors change, to feel the fresh energy in a room when the paint is freshened. And then there are those rooms/colors that I just haven’t yet gotten quite right. Because when I do – there is a harmony that ensues and that room is left alone. Our dining room is a beautiful shade of red…I’ve loved it since we painted it…and haven’t thought to change it once.
The second ‘project’ is to paint some pottery for gifts. I have at least three in mind, complete with the design and colors. I’ve been carrying these intentions around with me for a few months now. To be fair, the kitchen painting required being ready to undergo painting that space AGAIN and getting in the right creative energy to choose a color. I’m ready now. Have the swatches….letting the options swirl around a bit. The pottery requires committing to a day of going and doing it. I was fully prepared this week to go and do it – and I realize as I’m typing that I have been previously as well – in my thoughts at least.
Some ‘unexpected’ things came up this week. It doesn’t matter what they are. My intention was to paint…and just typing out that ‘um….nope, I didn’t do it’….feels uncomfortable for a moment. And yet, I’m fully clear on how it all played out, so into this space comes some letting go (yep, the spiral continues) of what my mind says should feel humiliating. THIS is the exact reason I have kept myself from saying some things out loud, from setting goals. I’m a strong believer in my own free time and my ability to choose what feels right for me in each moment. I love MY spontaneity. (Although, ironically, I don’t always initially enjoy someone else’s, lol.)
I’m not humiliated. I don’t feel defeated or embarrassed. I’m Jackie and life happens. What I do not want this challenge to become is a means of forcing myself to do something just for the sake of doing it. So instead, I’m allowing the process to move as it will rather than ramming it into a space that would presumably be more appealing and deserving of accolades. There wasn’t any literal painting this week. Instead, there has been a letting go of needing to make it happen, just because. I know it will in its own time and I am at peace with that.