Several times I’ve come to this place and begun writing. And each time, the Flow is absent and the words feel forced and pieced together. Can’t say I know yet if this time will be different, only that I will honor whatever comes through.
To take care of a bit of ‘business,’ I’m very happy to share that the kitchen/breakfast area is now PAINTED and BEAUTIFUL! A transformation has taken place in this area of our home, one that has been much needed for some time now. During my time away from blogging and social media, there has been a very acute connection to energy from a variety of perspectives, as well as a deeper realization of just how sensitive we are, and the way in which we honor who we are in the ordering our lives.
My dear friend Cat recently shared a video of Caroline Myss speaking on being fearless, the power of Grace, our souls, Divine service–one out of a series of 11. As I sat and listened to each one, there was such deep and profound truth that rang clear in my soul. It was a reconnection, a realization and awakening still in process–one that I can feel such longing for. The ache for Divine connection is one that begs to be satisfied, and yet the irony is that there is nothing on this Earth that can rise to the occasion and do so. I don’t have the answers–and I won’t pretend I do. But I do feel a nearly desperate call for something ‘else,’ without any awareness yet of what that is.
I also heard Suze Orman talking about how we relate to our money. ‘When we don’t want to look at or deal with something in our finances, it’s only representative of what we don’t want to look at or deal with in ourselves.’ I remember learning this to some extent several years ago when reading ‘The Energy of Money.‘ But as I listened to Suze, something inside my being began to shift, to get it, to awaken to this truth in a whole new way. I feel it, I am reminded of it from within myself on a near daily basis. And once again, I don’t have the answers, nor even a clear guidance on what to do with what I feel–and I won’t pretend I do. But I AM listening, alert and at attention. I am observing the hunger as it impacts even how I manage my money….or delay doing so.
Back to the painting for a moment. As I began with just a few brush strokes–something immediately felt ‘right.’ Remember in that last post–when I DIDN’T paint? Turns out there was something much more universal at work–even more than I was aware of THAT day. I was going to use a lighter shade, so as not to darken the room. I wasn’t in love with the color–and so my love for painting would have been diminished by having to brush on a color that felt empty, boring, without life. Instead, I chose the shade I first loved, but ruled out due to its richness and the concern of it being ‘too much.’ See where I’m going with this, my friends? A mirror–that is actually being realized as I’m typing. This–a new angle I didn’t see before. It’s the same thing I’ve been trying to do to MYSELF–quiet her/me down…work very hard not to be ‘too much.’ Maintain status quo and don’t by any means stand out from the crowd.
To be honest, I’m exhausted. It’s a bit unnerving, as I’ve done nothing to BE exhausted from–aside from continually exert enough energy to keep Jackie in that damn box. Ugh. I had no idea, truly, this post was going to end up HERE. Perhaps that’s what has kept me from writing…..the internal digestion of my being is hard at work just trying to stay alive in the midst of such treatment.
As for the No Comfort Zone Challenge–it’s a daily experience for me. And sometimes trying to see and point out just how I’ve done it each week–already exhausting, too. My life is a practice in getting outside my comfort zone, letting truth weave herself into the fibers of who I am. In that series by Caroline Myss, she said something else that sunk deep into my core: You won’t ever heal as long as you are dishonest with yourself. Honesty–especially the kind that we stir about inside ourselves–is sometimes the greatest discomfort there is. And yet, it brings with it such peace, healing, liberation.
Thank you all for holding space with and for me. I’m a bit behind in reading your posts…..but I do love connecting with the beautiful energies you are, the perspectives and wisdom you share through your own experiences and the honoring of your own and each other’s journey. We all have a story to share. Realizing the sacredness of it begins within ourselves.
**To those who have honored me with Blogging Awards….I’ve not forgotten and although I have yet to pay forward the loving grace of being so honored in this way, I’m connecting with new sites that are very deserving of such accolades. More to come. xo