Being authentic. Deep in the core of my being, I’m desperate to live in that space. And yet, as I continue to move through my own journey and look inward at the truth of my whole self, the power of the mind becomes increasingly clear. It occurred to me suddenly that in my desire to be authentic, my cleverness has found a way to define what that should look like. (Feeling like I want to say something like ‘AHA–caught you!’ here.)
Authenticity doesn’t have an image. She carries no labels. You won’t find in her purse or wallet a list of rules to remember to live by. There wasn’t any formal training on the proper etiquette, being politically correct, attaining success, dressing in designer clothing or even being a good parent. Authenticity just IS.
One of the best words I found in the thesaurus for authentic is ‘genuine.’ GENUINE. Not ‘pretty, attractive, proper, kind, conscious, organized, generous’ or any of those other words we get ourselves caught up in. GENUINE. To be genuine is to be true to who you are, what you feel; to honor the moment for what it is rather than what someone else or your this-is-how-it-should-look-or-feel mind pulls it together.
I found myself in an authentic moment recently, and not the kind that makes one feel a swell of pride in who you are. In a moment of overwhelm–physical and emotional overload, my mouth spoke before my mind caught up with the words. They were out and there was not a thing I could do to bring them back. It wasn’t the words themselves, but the scorn with which they were laced. It was ugly–at least to me. And I felt horrible about it for a while. That voice inside myself went into overdrive trying to bring it all back into order. I apologized, I talked with my life coach about it, I was open with those close to me in my family. Guilt, angst, horror at the way I lost control of myself…all set in.
But here’s what’s true my friends: being authentic is just that. I was fully authentic in that moment. If you’re reading this, then you’re likely someone who practices your beliefs, who takes seriously this spiritual journey, who craves connection to the sacred. We value consciousness. We strive to live with respect for all Life, to tap into BEing all of who we are. And we sometimes lose focus of what is true. We are all emotional beings. We will experience times in our lives when we feel turned upside down, when we don’t have the level of awareness we might have in another moment, when we simply CANNOT pull ourselves together. We forget: this is part of our authenticity too. It’s not just the ‘nice’ parts.
I’m not sorry. I’m not sorry the strings wrapped so beautifully around my desire to live more consciously loosened enough to let Jackie’s feeling spill onto the floor in front of everyone. And like you–I’m not always ‘ok.’ I don’t have to be. But what is always true, is that beneath all that – is a space to which I can return where everything IS Divinely beautiful, sacred and at peace. I would love to say I live there, and I can say I am able more and more to get balanced and be in that space. Yet, I continue to be a human being whose job it is to live on this planet and experience the fullness of what She offers. As I allow myself to do so, I invite the sacred to enter more deeply into my being. I awaken my soul to the healing needed, I meet those whom I love on the plane that is this earth.
This planet is our earth school. In school there are things to learn, ways to grow, relationships to navigate. Each one offers to us a mirror through which to see our full selves. We can either look deeply into the reflection, or we can close our eyes and see ourselves as we wish to see.
I’m walking forward with eyes wide open. And when I walk into walls anyway, I’ll simply get up and take another step. Love to each of you. xo
*I would also like to share with you a newly created space: Sacred Circle Retreats. Our first virtual retreat/soul workshop ‘Through the Looking Glass’ will be Sunday, September 23. We invite you to visit us on Facebook and through our website.