‘Un-contained’

I’m going to let you all in on a little secret – are you ready? This has been an incredible year of transformation, healing and opening up for me. I pride myself on being someone who is true to what she believes, able to stand in it fully and not live a ‘double’ life behind what is shown to the world. And this year has certainly brought with it an excavation of places where that hasn’t worked, isn’t happening–or just simply can no longer exist. 

The secret? I’m not guilty that our children are growing up and leaving home. I’m not worried that they won’t be ok, nor am I feeling empty with two children gone off to college. I’ve started a new venture, and I don’t feel afraid of how it might turn out. What I have realized I AM worried about is saying these things out loud. So much of what is ‘right’ or ‘supposed to be’ has been stripped away this year. 

From the moment we are born, the world tends to have a
container already built for us to fit inside: A social security
number, a gender, a race, a profession or an I.Q. I ponder
if we are more defined by the container we are in, rather than
what we are inside. Would we recognize ourselves if we could
expand beyond our bodies? Would we still be able to exist
if we were authentically ‘un-contained’?
‘Expansion’ sculpture & quote by Paige Bradley

Our son struggled to get through his last year of high school, feeling he was ready to be independent, to move on and to make all his own decisions. I, in turn, struggled terribly with how to let go of trying to parent responsibly and force him to do it ‘our way.’ That’s what a ‘good parent’ would do. She wouldn’t leave it up to a senior in high school to determine how much of the usual ‘recreational activities’ he can manage for himself. A ‘good mother’ wouldn’t allow him to come and go all hours of the night as he chooses. The battle within myself was to try to figure out how on earth to get a handle on this situation before it railed out of control in all directions that fear could throw in our path. ‘What if’ and ‘what will people think?’ I had to let go of those fears. Mine was to step OUT of what I believed to be societal conformities and INTO what I have said is my truth: There is purpose to everything. With our son – even if those ‘what if’s’ came to pass – wasn’t the Universe still infusing purpose into each experience? Yes. So be still and know, Jackie. He is intuitive, intelligent and connected to something greater than ME. How on earth can I say at this stage in the game I’m the ONE who knows what’s best? So much of that was about ME, not him and his journey. 

It comes around again, now in a whole new way. As my vision for this next venture projects into the future in ways that amaze me, I find myself needing to step out of worrying how it will be perceived. Oh, yes, it’s ok to share it, to be excited about it, to open up to it fully in my ‘safe space.’ But now the call comes to allow the crossover. Some of the pieces of my personal, interior life are becoming larger and larger pathways of my exterior, more public life. Somehow, even now, it’s easier to tell you about what’s happened with my son than to claim out loud how much I believe in this work. To let it be known across a vast audience that I am fully behind this work. 

You see, I’ve very neatly kept my writing in this space and on its allocated FB share page. Rarely do I allow it to crossover to my actual personal FB page. Some of those people actually know me from different times in my life. What on earth are they going to think? Jackie the party girl gone all spiritual? HA! They’ll laugh me right off the page. Or perhaps, someone thinks I’m full of fluff – and what if I offend them? Oh gosh, doesn’t it even sound silly to say OUT LOUD? 

Well – here’s what’s true. As uncomfortable as it may be initially – I’m DONE with all that. I’m living OUT LOUD now. I am who I am. If 2011 was my year to own that truth, 2012 is my year to LIVE that truth…OUT LOUD. I’ve mastered it in my own private, safe spaces. (Well, perhaps ‘mastered’ is a strong word, but I’ve found a synergy with living it on an interior level.) No more ‘secrets.’ This is me. You can approve or not. That’s ok. I’m not my past, I’m not someone else’s opinions and I’m not what my own fear suggests I become. I hear clearly my own inner guidance, and THAT, my friends will be my compass. Up until now, it’s not been a conflict within myself to keep some of these pieces separate. But I don’t feel at peace with that anymore. Time to integrate, to be fully me – no apologies or ‘holdbacks.’ 

And let me just tell you – it feels so LIBERATING! (I have another story to tell you on this note, but that’s for next time.) It feels like twirling around in a field – like Maria von Trapp in the opening scene of The Sound of Music. The box has fallen apart…and no longer will I choose to live ‘contained.’ Bit by bit, the pieces have fallen away….and continue to do so. I’m answering the call that comes so clearly – I’m choosing to live ‘UN-CONTAINED.’ 

I invite you to join me, let it all go, share your truest, purest self. The desires, the loves, the fears, the dreams, the visions that define the way you’re living your life. Let’s come together in a voice that speaks OUT LOUD!

I’ll be sharing more here about the new energy in my life–Sacred Circle Retreats. Here’s just a short preview of the work we’re doing there: http://sacredcircleretreats.com/calendar-of-events/. Would love for you to join us for one of our events, sign up for our newsletter, or just stop in and say hello. xo 

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Published by

Jacqueline

Inspiring fiery passion through soul connection. Lover, Seducer, Awakener, Firestarter, Visionary. #kissingthesacred

17 thoughts on “‘Un-contained’”

  1. Jackie, Isn’t it amazing the things we hold so close to our heart and keep secret. The thing is — the more we trust and share, the more we realize that others have been there too. Others have hindsight to share – Others are waiting to hug you. And yet, it’s hard to unload. unburden, uncontain… AND YET — you are doing it!! It all sounds wonderful!
    You are wonderful!
    XOXO Margekatherine

    1. Marge – I feel as though this year has just been a continual process of breaking it all down. I’m not sure I knew how ‘held together’ I’ve kept myself. It feels so comforting to read your words about the others who have been, are, will be there. There is something beautifully magnificent about being in a circle of connection that spans the globe. I continually have that visual of a web of light surrounding planet earth–each one of us serving as just one little beam. Love to you….always. Thank you for initiating us all into our ‘no comfort zone.’ xo

  2. So beautifully written! Your wisdom and willingness to live it are truly inspiring! I’m here as a result of oilpastelsbymary.com’s nomination of your blog for “Very Inspiring Blogger Award”…and I’m so glad I am!!

    I, too, have a very spiritually tuned in child and weighing the mothering vs allowing was an interesting issue. Definitely, not all black and white as I was raised. Today, my conversations with my daughter are more often like this, “Well, it sounds like you are saying… Tell me what you are feeling about that.” We both learn from each other. It’s such a gift!

    1. It was a difficult year for us all. If I could have known then what I know now, right? But I know our son was meant to teach ME, to show me how to release my own fears and taking on fears of those around me – and just getting real within myself, trusting that all is well. Thanks for stopping by and sharing a bit of your story. Much love to you. xoxoxo

    1. Mary, thank you so much for your warm words. I so appreciate not only the award, but especially you taking time to read my writing. It still awes me how connected we can become through the power of the internet. I’m honored to expand our circle with one another. And absolutely – thank you for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award. I’m heading over to your site now to learn more….and to see some of your artwork! I’ve always wanted to know how to paint….so I’m excited to come visit and see yours. Love to you….xoxo

    1. Yes – I am – STEPPING! And without realizing fully how much ‘the Steps’ impacted my ability to do so. You’re a treasured coach and friend, I’m so grateful to have had your guidance and support along the way. Enough of this hiding, pretending, sabotaging. I’m stepping out – getting real even MORE and letting myself BE! xoxo

  3. and you have put words to those thoughts with grace and beauty….
    Thank you for saying all this in loud script to share with us…
    it will touch many
    Take Care…
    )0(
    ladyblue

    1. Lady Blue – love that name. Thank you for taking the time to read and share your thoughts. I’ve found with so many others that I can relate to what they’re experiencing and writing about or talking about. It seems often what I need most finds me through their words. I love that perhaps the same can happen with mine. Love to you. xoxo

  4. hi, Jackie. every now and then I open one of your feeds and read it. this one caught my eye. … just wanted to get a glimps into what you’re thinking today. I always enjoy your writing and your thoughts shared so smoothly in your style of writing with no obstructions to letting it onto the page. you sound so beautiful in your stature as just Jackie, nothing more, nothing less. I love that girl!

    the websites you’ve produced are such caring offerings to us all. thank you for putting your energies into them. it shows that there is a root system in there to hook into. jen’s site, the retreat descriptions … so lovely.

    I’m doing fine. have made some friends thru the spiritual living center, where I’ve gone off and on for years. I’m in a creative writing class there now. wow, the miraculous language that flows out in meditation writing. blown away by the intuition. fascinating. I want more and more.

    hello to your family, Nate Lydia Jen George Ryan Lisa and the lucky children of you all. ps: I know more now what that wordm’lucky means to me. it’s been god all along. I never heard it offered as another name for god when they say, call it higher power, Jesus, ahwaz, Buddha … you all had talked about that with me and it’s come back around to where I had the insight y’all had at that time. thanks forever for just being Jackie, nothing more, nothing less. inspiring.

    love and a most generous lavishing of hugs Mally

    1. Mally LaPete luvbug! Made me smile to see your name and love here on my page. How are you my friend? If I were to judge by your note here, you sound happy, content, finding more and more of Mally and who she is.

      Thank you for choosing to read – and to write. I love that you’re taking a creative writing class – and I’m not at all amazed that beauty would pour from you in that space. Fascinating – yes it is, isn’t it? Something about experiencing that kind of connection, grace, depth – it draws us in seeking to merge even more fully with it. I feel that from you – and share that with you.

      And thank you for your kind compliments. Creating these sites and following the work I believe in is one of my greatest passions. To have connected to a way in which to do that in my life feels exhilarating!

      Our family is well – the babies are beautiful – Lyd’s and Aaron’s. Amazing how far we’ve all come in a short time isn’t it? Seems not so long ago when women’s group was still in effect.

      And oh, Ms. Mally! Lucky – yes! You’ve got it – you ARE it! So glad you shared that…I could feel the impact as I read your words. I’m delighted to have connected with you here. And I still feel your love….thank you. I’m sending my love right back your way…and no doubt, one day our paths will cross again. Until then, I smile in my heart with thoughts of you and the joy you’re finding in your life. Much, much love to you….xoxoxoxo

  5. Ah Jackie, your beauty is spilling forth from moment to moment. The call has gone out across the Universe for those who will be, those who will claim their birthright as bringers of light and healers. Many hear the call and turn side, they are not yet ready. Many others are embracing the call with arms and hearts open. You are one.
    Having participated in one of Sacred Circle Retreats’ events and planning on attending another at the end of October, I can genuinely say “yes” “oh yes” to the direction you have taken. You walk in beauty, dear friend.

    1. Joss. Sometimes you leave me speechless with the beauty and grace you share so easily. Thank you. Thank you for believing our ability to be beautiful as human beings, to connect to our purest essence and greatest potential. Thank you for being champion of all that is healing and filled with grace. I’m honored and grateful. Together, my friend, together we ‘walk in beauty.’ xoxoxo

I always love to hear your thoughts....xx

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