I Could Weep….

I found her book quite by accident – Sera Beak’s ‘Red Hot & Holy: A Heretics Love Story.‘ It’s just one of so many pieces falling into place at this time in my life, and frankly, I’m not sure I was ready before now.

There’s so much I want to say around this, so please bear with me as it begins pouring out. Feels like I’ve mentioned to you here before that years ago I asked one of my spiritual teachers why it was that every time I felt the fullness of the Divine, it left me heated, hungry, filled with a fire that it seemed was only about sex and all those ‘ugly’ labels we’ve put on Her. We were in the midst of an intense workshop – The Sacred Marriage of Mysticism and Yoga. I had been rocked to my core by a profound union with the Sacred during that time, after which I asked this question: ‘What is it about this energy that leaves me feeling so attracted to men, to what feels lustful in myself?’ It wasn’t the first time I was aware of this energy within – I have loved boys especially since being a little girl. I’ve loved kissing them, being with them, writing love letters to them, being intimate in every way possible–on and on I could go. What I know now, is this isn’t just about ‘boys’ or ‘sex.’ It isn’t any of those lies that have been forced upon it, upon US: slut, cheap whore, promiscuous, impure, acting inappropriately, being too much in our feelings, too beautiful, clothes too tight, hips sway too much, too flirtatious, too much laughter, too seductive, too revealing, too much of this or that. All lies. How could we possibly be too much of anything that flows so naturally from within?

These lies were pounded into us over and over again – and so we began to believe them, adjusting who we are, ‘taming down’ our inner fires because it made others uncomfortable. And I’m not talking about just ‘sex’ here. I’m talking about a heat that begins in the depths of our soul, that sets our hearts on fire with mad love. I’m talking about being so full of Divine Feminine Force we must find an outlet for Her, she must breathe and express through us in the ways that are most organic to our passionate natures. No more lies, my friends. We live our truth. NOW.

I’m no longer a ‘good little church girl’ or a child living under the fear of my parents’ experience and programming (and it was the same for them, so no blame here). I’m a grown woman who is coming into a place of understanding what this is about. And the answer is not ‘sex.’ Nor is it about insecurities that lead to needing sex and male attention to be ok. It’s not about my father leaving when I was five. I have done the work and healed those places in myself – and yet this flame of passion and desire remains. It’s about longing to feel Sacred Love so fully and completely we experience it in every way possible. For me, for my contract in this life, for the energies I carry in this time and place, that’s connected to a hunger to connect with Her so intimately, so passionately, so completely that She is whispering to me of that which stirs my senses. And I must answer Her NOW.

heart-on-fire

The day I asked my teacher that question, with an open innocence and more than a little confusion, the only reply was something like ‘my dear, it would take me hours to explain that to you.’ This being who exhibited such a fiery passion, perhaps the first real mystic I’d ever met and known in my life, who left me feeling the heated flames in every cell of my body – had no answer for me. It left me bewildered. I realize now, I had to find the answer myself. I had to come to this place where I was healed enough, mature enough–OPEN enough to receive the truth. And I don’t mind telling you that although I’m sharing my heart here, there remains a small thread of trepidation in doing so around this subject and in such a personal way. And because of that, I sense there is still a shred of ‘safe’ in this telling as well–for now.

When many mystics felt the Divine, they literally felt turned on, erotically speaking. ~ Sera Beak

So with great anticipation I’m going to read this book, because it calls to me, it makes me weep sometimes with the recognition of myself in this ‘Heretic’s Love Story.’ For there are reflections of my own inner truth glaring back at me. There is a beautiful release and inner knowing that accompanies my desire to be free of the old programming. One by one, I feel the lies unraveling inside of me….

I don’t believe for a moment there aren’t some of you feel your own pang of knowing as you read this. I know there are so many of us who have been quieted, who have turned our feelings down, stifled our passion away in a safe, neat box. But although She whispers still, there is a beautiful, awakening ROAR that lurks in the shadows. It is there, beloveds, that we find our purest selves, liberated by our truth, our fires, our willingness to be alive in it, expressing Her in whatever way She desires. I’d love to hear your stories…..

If you wish, I invite you to consider joining a free Sacred Circle Retreats call later today Your Succulent Chakras. This is a bold step for me in my work, but with the confidence and passion of my collaborator Lynn Jaussi, I feel a whole new space opening up. You can also listen to the replay at any time using the same link. 

I’m also very passionate about my ‘baby,’ the AWAKENING WOMAN series about to begin. This has been part of my vision, and although perhaps a bit more tame, it will still ignite the fires that burn in the depths of your being. 

 

 

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4 thoughts on “I Could Weep….

  1. I believe this is where our conversation really started last spring with the loving of self! Love can be shared by others and self, but it truly does have to begin with self. You are the power! So take off all the old tablecloths covering up the furniture of your castle , open the shutters, and let the fire take hold! She is us and we are her! It is a most moving and fulfilling flame!
    I Love you ❤

  2. Yes, My Love!!! This is the Divine Feminine whispering, nudging, trying to get your attention! This is the Fire that sits in the core of our being, It is a passion, a fire, a taste like no other…and it is not about the sex, the act of sex , it is about the intimate feel of her breath running through your veins , kissing your very soul awake, feeling the mighty power that burns from within. The Divine Feminine moves with every move we make , every breath we take, every sound we speak. It is we who need to remember this and invite ourselves to be present with her again. This is not something new, she has been in us in our dna from the beginning! When I realized what this fire was, this passion, this total ecstasy from another source, I feel in love again…..we ME. I explored every cell of me again with this new remembrance, and as I grew into my awareness and my balance of my energies both male and female, that is when this amazing transformation took place , and the ability to dance this sacred dance with it all, and learn how to give and receive in this place , well it blew my doors off! Now I understand my fire, and I know how to dance with it, make love with it, and share it in every action I take. It is a most incredible place to be, and I would never want to go anywhere else!! I am so glad to be part of your journey my beautiful friend, and to be able to be witness to such an amazing dance you are dancing ❤
    I Love You,
    Lynn

  3. Yes, My Love!!! This is the Divine Feminine whispering, nudging, trying to get your attention! This is the Fire that sits in the core of our being, It is a passion, a fire, a taste like no other…and it is not about the sex, the act of sex , it is about the intimate feel of her breath running through your veins , kissing your very soul awake, feeling the mighty power that burns from within. The Divine Feminine moves with every move we make , every breath we take, every sound we speak. It is we who need to remember this and invite ourselves to be present with her again. This is not something new, she has been in us in our dna from the beginning! When I realized what this fire was, this passion, this total ecstasy from another source, I feel in love again…..we ME. I explored every cell of me again with this new remembrance, and as I grew into my awareness and my balance of my energies both male and female, that is when this amazing transformation took place , and the ability to dance this sacred dance with it all, and learn how to give and receive in this place , well it blew my doors off! Now I understand my fire, and I know how to dance with it, make love with it, and share it in every action I take. It is a most incredible place to be, and I would never want to go anywhere else!! I am so glad to be part of your journey my beautiful friend, and to be able to be witness to such an amazing dance you are dancing ❤
    I Love You,
    Lynn

    1. I can feel the resonance in your every word, Lynn. For so long I couldn’t understand what it was to ‘love’ myself. Love felt like it was meant to come from outside of me – how could I possibly feel its power from ME? I get it now – and am continuing to unlock the places in me that weren’t ready to hold this fire. I’m ready now. WE are ready now. SHE is calling to us and we are answering Her. We see Her, feel Her, invite Her into our deepest, most vulnerable and sensual places. It’s extraordinary to me – so much so that I run out of language to describe it.

      Thank you for holding space for me, for so many women to awaken to this longing we each carry within. This is our work now – to honor our own inner fire so that others may feel free to do the same. I love you, my dear friend. xoxo

I always love to hear your thoughts....xx

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