Natural Born Beauty

In my quest for authenticity, I thought it was time to let my hair grow ‘natural’ – as in ‘gray.’ It’s about 50/50 dark/gray under the gorgeous, rich brown color I have loved for so long. In my 30’s I did ‘the blonde thing’ for a few years. At the time, it felt a little wild and I liked that. But luxurious brunette is truly who I am and what most makes me feel beautiful.

Little did I know the journey I was about to embark upon by choosing to ‘let the gray grow.’ The whisper of it was exhilarating – riding on the back of the motorcycle with my love, feeling the breeze, fully connecting to the Presence of All That Is. It was as though we were sitting in conversation, SHE and I. As I contemplated a haircut and the sparkle making its way through my roots, I heard HER: ‘Why do you cover up who you are with that ‘muck’ on your head? You are already beautiful. You will simply be MORE beautiful with your gray hair.’ My whole self smiled with the sensation SHE sent my way as I felt HER words ripple through my bodies; it was the sensation of BEAUTIFUL. And so I decided to let the gray come….to stop coloring and ‘covering up’ who I am….and I was excited about it.

Until. The hairdresser suggested that in order to get rid of the dark color, we highlight blonde to begin lightening my hair in order to match the gray tones growing in. I was definitely not thrilled over this, but felt committed to the process. Oh my friends, let me tell you how dark that experience became. I was horrified in seeing my reflection. For three weeks, I tried to fall in love with the woman I saw in the mirror – and have loved for so long. I have known her from the inside and come to love who I am. But as vain as it may sound, I could not feel that love for my own outer beauty with this foreign, frizzy, blonde, ugly hair. Waves of emotion poured through me, as though I became women from lifetimes before who were forced to have their heads shaved and their beauty stripped from them. As the tears flowed, I went deeper and deeper into how much our own natural beauty as a woman DOES matter. It’s part of our feminine essence. We each attach to it in unique ways, we express who we are through the way we dress, wear our hair, put on makeup or not, paint our lashes, adorn our curves and color our lips.

What I realized, my loves, is that I have been this woman who loves beauty all along, only when I witnessed this passion in other women judged rather than embraced them for it. I convinced myself this is not who I am. That I choose to let my natural way of aging, of changing, of becoming to reveal and blossom. Thus – the gray hair. I understood how my own judgment played into the ancient patriarchal wounding of women…..of myself. My outer beauty matters to me, just as much as my inner beauty does. One is not better or more sacred than the other. Without going through this process, I wouldn’t have understood that in quite the way I do now.

me 3.14What I believe SHE was whispering to me was to let go of believing I have to be ONE WAY in order to be authentic. Rather than trying to be something I am not – in love with gray hair that feels dull to my lively personality and passion – HER desire is for me to find what feels beautiful TO ME, AS ME, FOR ME – and to honor it. I’m thrilled to share that yesterday we ‘washed that blonde right out of my hair’ and the natural born beauty of a brunette that I AM is breathing with life once more. I feel amazing – not only because I am beautiful to my own eye, but because through this experience I released so much for myself and for women everywhere. It’s okay to want to be beautiful on the outside too. Somewhere along the way we’ve forgotten that – who we are as beautiful women. Whether we go naturally gray or love the vivacious colors we can play with, wear makeup or feel fresh without it. It doesn’t matter. What matters is that we allow our own voice to express in whatever way she wishes. That we are true to HER call for us.

Your personal invitation to AWAKENING WOMAN

 

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3 thoughts on “Natural Born Beauty

  1. Heather

    Yay you, Jackie!!! It makes me smile to see you embrace what you love about your outer beauty and shine for it.

    I like to think of the gray as a reminder of just how far I’ve come. My gray came through in my twenties but I never felt that I had to live with it. I’ve always felt that I could feel as young as I wanted to. Covering it for me was, and always will be my personal expression of staying young and vital. I know I’ll age but I plan on doing it my own way.
    😉

  2. Congratulations. Such a personal decision. I have been “going grey” for about a year and a half now – in my mid 40’s. It is a hard process as I was a 50/50 grey/brunette, as well. Found my first grey hair after my mother’s death. I had just turned 30. My choice was to hold on with growing out my streaks – as I am just not one for upkeep and always end up with grey roots – and then feel bad for not applying that box of color and feel ugly with the grey roots. the first year was the hardest – went through a family reunion at that point. Still holding on. I have straight hair and shiny, silver stripes now that come just over my ears. I got a new layered cut which makes me feel sexy, regardless of the color. I darken the ends here and there to take care of the brassy orange that keeps coming from years of coloring. I won’t cut it off. I love my long hair. I love what is emerging and strike up conversations with women I see moving in the same direction as me – whether it be in the grocery store, the library ,at the gas station. I know I am looking for support in this so figure others are, as well. Come to find out – I am right. We need support as it is HARD watching the process (especially as the mother of a 5 year old – hanging out with younger Moms). It is me, though, and that is all that matters, right? No judgment. No right or wrong. Personal choice to feel how we want to feel. I feel HOT. I hear you do, as well. WooHoo! Our ladies are cheering us on.

    1. ‘Our ladies are cheering us on.’ YES! Our own circle of ethereal ‘ladies’ as well as our circles of women who simply want to be their natural, beautiful selves. It doesn’t matter at all what that might look like on each one of us. We get to choose – with pride and without shame. I definitely felt a lot going through this (very short) process. Had to let go even of what it might appear as to ‘not listen’ to what I felt so strongly on the back of the motorcycle that day. But the gift comes in allowing the guidance to come and following it – WHEREVER it may lead us.

      Love so much that you are courageously holding on and seeing through what you feel is your best self. We surely do need support, and as women we crave that sisterhood that comes through letting ourselves be fully seen – and seeing one another. Thank you for sharing your story here…..isn’t that what it’s all about…..our own stories, letting them unfurl and sometimes, even unravel? Much love to you, dear friend. xoxo

I always love to hear your thoughts....xx

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