‘I Know What Love IS’

It’s a classic line from one of our favorite movies – Forrest Gump. I find myself feeling deeper into my own knowledge and sense of what love is. We use those words easily – ‘I love you’ – at least I do. My heart is elated with the sensation of love, being loved, loving, being in love and connecting through that pure heart space with another. 

There are three distinct experiences of my life in which I clearly remember having the feeling of being rejected, of love being withdrawn from me. I’m currently in the midst of another experience which could easily fall into that same category for me. The old feelings are there still, although they may be small by comparison. My mind wants to grab hold of them tightly and show me why once again, it isn’t ok to let myself be seen. In each of the previous experiences, I was simply being myself and allowing my heart to express in the ways she most naturally does. Each time the message I inhaled to my core was that I was wrong, swimming in my own shame and heartache. Those recordings are trying desperately to make it through once again, to be heard, held, cradled as though I have committed great offense and need rebuking from within my own self. 

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I’m calling bullshit on it all. The beauty within myself is that I have done the work this time around. The ‘work’ of sinking deeper into me and understanding who I am and how my heart beats in this world. The ‘work’ of healing and letting go of old wounds that can stifle our expression and ability to breathe freely. The ‘work’ of having given myself the liberation of being exactly who I am, of trusting my own heart and letting her take the lead. And so this time around, I whisper sweetly to my mind to ‘fuck off.’ I don’t believe that garbage anymore, although it has done its best to settle in and make itself at home today. I expected there would be a time of deep sobbing and release at some point today, the emotion began to feel so thick inside. Instead, just now in the shower, I felt that we are still coming into an understanding of what love is. Here’s why…

IN each of these three previous experiences – it was clearly time for me, for my energy, my heart to move on. I love so deeply, I’m not certain I would have without some prompting. Back then I even offered to change who I was to hold onto one relationship with a very close female friend of mine. I was willing to abandon myself in order to please her. THAT, my friends, is very, very twisted and NOT how we are meant to walk this planet. It would have been toxic for me to stay in any three of those communities/relationships longer than I did. In retrospect, the frequency of being judged and rejected as myself was already there – within me and from those involved. The climax simply brought it all into the light, into the open. It propelled me into deep heartache, but it also moved me into a whole new way of being with myself each time. 

So the beauty of this current situation is that I will not question my heart, because I am crystal clear in how she guides me. What I can see from here, with eyes wide open is that what often feels like heartache is the hot beautiful mess that is GRACE. This, my loves, THIS is what LOVE is. Love moves us with such tenderness into a deeper and more purified layer of ourselves. Love opens doors to releasing residues we weren’t even aware were still taking up residence within our mind. Love gives us the experiences we need to free our bodies from sensations that cause us pain. Love is pure. She draws us closer to her every time we choose from a place of our truth. THIS, my loves, THIS is what love is. I’m seeing her even more clearly through the lens of today. I am what Love is. And so are you. Let us not continue to doubt it. We are love. We are loved and we are loveable. 

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4 thoughts on “‘I Know What Love IS’

  1. I think this is possibly one of my most favourite posts of yours. I love how you are embracing the softness of your heart and soul which really does match the expanse of your love. You are a phenomenal source of love and the more you sink into it and own it the less other people’s crap will affect you.

    My love for you is enough for all the people in the world a hundred times over loving you. It is infinite and the most precious gift. Loving you allows me to learn so much more about you and about me. I am healthy because we have such a pure love connection. You allow my love to be free and in that it returns to you bigger, stronger and better in every single moment of every single day. ❤ I love you anam cara ❤

    1. Oh my sweet Anna. If ever there is a model of what love looks like in my life, it’s you. I always feel your love, no conditions, no expectations, no need for me to be or do something that makes you ok. I love you deeply and I love reading your lovenotes to me, always. Forever my anam cara, I love you. Thank you for how you kiss my heart with such deep love. xoxoxo

  2. Sandra

    Know what LOVE is! Yes, Yes you do, I do, we all do if we lean it and let it whisper from our heart and bathe us through our senses. That feeling of being rejected for being who we are is a big, big story in so many lives. The stories of shame and inadequacy that we can sell our self or buy from another can be stifling. What if we do stand up in the LOVE that SHE is?…… What if we love our self enough to tell our head to “shut the fuck up”? This may just be the opening that GRACE asks for, that we long for. Then perhaps, we can clearly hear the beating of our very heart center….. no longer drowned out by the noise of our shame.

    Just as the eloquent David Whyte shared, “Heartbreak is our indication of sincerity: in a love relationship, in a work, in trying to learn a musical instrument, in the attempt to shape a better more generous self. Heartbreak is the beautifully helpless side of love and affection and is just as much an essence and emblem of care as the spiritual athlete’s quick but abstract ability to let go […] But heartbreak may be the very essence of being human, of being on the journey from here to there, and of coming to care deeply for what we find along the way…” For me, heartbreak is a barometer of how present I am in an interaction or experience. That doesn’t make shifting easy, but it does make it crystal clear that I’ve been in the midst of moments that are the very definition of Divine Reciprocity. Love, Hate, Stop, Go, Up, Down, In, Out…… The pendulum can swing far and wide and yet there exists within us a still-point within the paradox….. right where our heart center and GRACE reside. It’s called LOVE.

    Thank you beautiful Jacqueline, for opening and loving and being love! You move me to ponder wonderful things. I’ll close my comments with another powerful quote by David Whyte:

    Self Portrait

    It doesn’t interest me if there is one God or many gods.
    I want to know if you belong or feel abandoned.
    If you know despair or can see it in others.
    I want to know
    if you are prepared to live in the world
    with its harsh need to change you.
    If you can look back with firm eyes
    saying this is where I stand.
    I want to know if you know
    how to melt into that fierce heat of living
    falling toward the center of your longing.
    I want to know
    if you are willing to live, day by day,
    with the consequence of love and
    the bitter unwanted passion of your sure defeat.
    I have heard, in that fierce embrace,
    Even the gods speak of God.

    I love that you love….. MIrror, mirror ~ xoxo, Sandra

    1. So much of what you share here touches me deeply. I loved hearing you read it aloud to me on our call yesterday, because I could see and feel the love resonance in your eyes. David Whyte gets me in the best of ways; his words always so filled with that vulnerable strength I love so much.

      We are given endless supply of grace in our lives, I feel. We just need to settle deep into ourselves to tap into its presence, to feel its breath on our hearts. And yes, I am willing to live with the full consequence of all the love I am and feel. It’s what makes me feel alive and I will never stop giving it full access to my heart. I love you, dearest friend. Mirror, mirror indeed. xoxo

I always love to hear your thoughts....xx

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