The heartache continues in my life, although not as you might imagine. Our children are now all off to college, with our youngest daughter settling in just a few days ago. When the older ones went, I felt sadness, even a loss of being their mom in the way I had been for so long. And that’s a very real sensation. What I sense in this final transition is just that – there IS a transition from what we have known into a new way of being. There is a form of severing that cuts deep into the heart as though it were a crack. We have known it as sadness, as grief, and those are very real emotions and sensations, but what if it’s not sadness at all?
Along with this parting and transition has been another very deep disentanglement in my life. I love and long for intimate circles of women to be part of my journey here. And my passion is to cultivate that for myself and to invite women who are seeking the same to take part. One of my most intimate circles, and perhaps the most powerful to date has come to a place of release. We feel called to move on, and there are different paths calling to each woman. As we move through the releasing process, my heart is triggered repeatedly. There is a heartache that is perpetuated in this process, and old patterns and beliefs come back to be looked at in the light of who I am today.
My mind wants to call it sadness, to hold it and fondle it as though there is something to be coddled here. As I felt deep emotion around our daughter’s presence no longer being in our home, I sank into it to really feel what was there. Ok, yes, sadness – on the surface. Sink deeper now. Into my heart. And what I felt was not a sadness, but a love so intense it breaks me wide open, it cannot sustain closure and rejection of emotion, of feeling so fully all that I am and the way I care so deeply and passionately about those who are held in the recesses of my love. THAT is what I found – I found that my emotion, my heartache is actually beautiful – it’s the roaring and drenching force of LOVE.
It made me wonder – how much more heart pain do we impose on ourselves and others with the misinterpretation of what we are feeling….of how deeply and intensely we FEEL love for others, for our planet, for all that touches us so intimately? How much more suffering do we experience because we don’t allow the emotions to come, give ourselves the space and time to share those with people we trust and who see us, and to let ourselves sink into the core of our heart, beyond where there was once pain and into the fiery and tender space of Sacred Love? I would ask to consider, the next time you experience heartache or something you have thus far called sadness, to give yourself the gift of feeling deeper and perhaps even making the statement that beneath your sadness, what you are really feeling is the power of your own ability to love. My sister and very best friend calls them ‘love tears.’ To me, this feels revolutionary. It feels like a very different way of seeing, of feeling, of embracing ourselves and one another. It feels like our natural state of being. And it soothes and honors my heart so very beautifully. This is how we love, my friends. And it is a stunning sensation to feel and to witness.