Voice and Channel of the Sacred Feminine

I am a woman in whose dreams
She is the chalice for all that is Divine
In whose waking moments
She is the voice and channel
For the very essence of the Sacred Feminine
Woman on Fire ~ 

As I wrote this poem, I felt the essence of all that is holy moving through my heart, soul and body. There are moments in my writing when what is sacred and pure flows through me as though I am not the author, but the scribe. This poem, Woman on Fire, and all that it holds and conveys was born from one of those euphoric experiences.

I’m sharing it here with you now in a whole new way, with an understanding of who I am, of the beauty and grace that have been given to me in this lifetime. Deep in my being I understand that all I feel and experience leads to this ultimate truth: I am ‘the voice and channel for the very essence of the Sacred Feminine.‘ And for me, part of that reality is the use of my own voice as part of expressing and becoming Her.

This hasn’t always been easy, using my voice, speaking aloud. As a child, I feared the sound of myself, steered clear of using ‘big words’ because it felt like too much for me; ‘big words’ could simply have been my third grade vocabulary words for the week.

So you see, my loves, this is a huge gift to myself, to the Sacred Feminine, to every woman–indeed every BEING–who listens and feels the vibration of what it is to see ourselves as beautiful, holy, filled with and walking as grace. This is my voice, liberated, claiming what is my truth, our truth. And it’s imperative I let her speak, I give her a platform from which to be felt, seen and heard.

Thank you to my beautiful love Cat Forsley for her golden touch on this video. She saw the vision together with me and is a constant reminder of who I am. The reflection she shines my way is filled with purity and radiant light. An angel being walking this earth is what this woman is to me. She has so lovingly created this video out of my words, my voice, my photos. I’m ecstatic, filled with loving gratitude and humbled at the way I hold the Divine Feminine frequency on this planet. Cat creates art from a place outside of any we know here in this plane. There is an ethereal and mystical glow to all that flows from her. I’m delighted to have her as my collaborator on this project. I love you, Cat. Thank you. xxx

You can visit here for more of Cat’s gorgeous and unique art.

And thank you, each of you, for taking the time to sink into this, my gift to you, to me, to us. The more we embrace our own beauty, our own nakedness and gifts, the higher we raise the vibration of beauty, of love, of grace on this planet and far, far beyond.

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HER Temple is my Body

Six women, including me. Six women gathered in my home here in Atlanta two weekends ago. Only two of us – my sister and I – had ever met. The other four women I have loved for nearly five years in the virtual realm of life, although they are women I feel have known me and I them for lifetimes. We shared an amazing sacred retreat together. We laughed, we cried, we came together in quiet contemplation and healing. We opened and gave ourselves to every beautiful moment that offered itself to us. One of these ladies is Joceline Burnel, Crowing Crone Woman of Wisdom and author of If God Was a Woman. She shared a bit about our time together in her post Women Loving Women, if you’d like to feel more deeply into who we are. It was absolutely extraordinary and each of us knows our lives will never again be the same.

On Sunday, with just four of us still gathered, we made our way to my bedroom, my own intimate sanctuary of very holy love. You see, these women have seen and loved me in a way I had yet to experience myself. Our intention was to take photos of me, potentially to be used on my sites and perhaps on the cover of my upcoming book. I love who I am, and yet like so many women still, there are criticisms I’ve held about my body – and certainly that sinks deeper into the core of how I see and feel myself. I feel like a woman who has released so much of that. But this journey to self awareness, to walking this planet with a heart wide open – this journey demands that we give it ALL. That we release and dissolve the places where we allow ourselves to be held back. And in this space of loving me, these women were instrumental in the dissolution of old programming.

Pic 8

It’s been years since I’ve had an intimate photo shoot. I must have been just 19 when I did my one and only boudoir session, mostly because I knew the photographer and he wanted to do it for me. (Well, of course he did!) It wasn’t for me. I was insecure, shy and so very much NOT in my own body. This time was very different. As we began, my beautiful love Cat began to work her golden magic, ‘styling’ me as she called it. What it felt like to me was being adorned with radiant love. My whole body responded and opened as a rose might under the heated glow of sunlight. I’m certain my skin glistened with her love shining over me. She called in our anam cara soul love Anna to assist. I’ve felt Anna loving me for years, and there’s quite honestly nothing like being loved by this woman. She is unconditional and wholehearted in her seeing of me, beyond the body and into my soul’s beauty. And she’s gifted in showing me how that spirals outward into my physical presence.

We began and the energy I felt as I knelt on my bed, my back bared and heart open, was the essence of holy prayer. I’m not one to use that word often – prayer – because it wreaks of church men uttering words filled with pious intent. And yet. My whole body was in reverent communion with all that is sacred. I’ve many times written about becoming an offering of love, baring all that I am to the Sacred Feminine, to the Beloved. Kneeling there, exposed in all my beauty and vulnerable nakedness, all I could feel was deep, deep merging with the divine woman I am.

As Joceline took photos of me, my eyes were closed and I felt myself moved from merely being in that room. I felt the love of those women all around me. Love that stops time and evokes serenity and grace. Love that melts every doubt and uncertainty about who you are and why you might not be good enough. Only beauty remained.

There was a moment, Joceline whispered to me with tears in her eyes ‘you are so fucking beautiful.’ A gorgeous, intimate moment in which she was overcome by the Divine Feminine fully palpable in our temple space. I felt the moist tears welling up in my own eyes, understanding I was the image of each woman in that room; the image of the Goddess shining full in all She is. No hiding or quieting. No judging beauty or imperfection. Every moment, every element, every woman in that room and beyond – filled with beauty and grace.

Temple

I’ve had this note on my desk for nearly a year now: ‘HER Temple is my Body.’ I’ve believed it. I’ve felt all that it conveys and stirs in my being. Being in that space of my bedroom with these women surrounding me, loving me, seeing me with the eyes of their hearts – I felt in every cell of my body what it means to become HER Temple. I saw myself as perfect, without flaw. I fully felt IN MY BODY. And I knew I was beautiful to behold. In every way possible. Sacred Feminine essence – raw, vulnerable, laid bare. I gave myself completely.

That experience was so very holy for me. As I gaze upon the images captured that day, I see reflections of each woman present. I see and feel their love poured over me, through them, through me and radiated out from each of us. I feel different in my body now. No more ‘hiding’ what I think isn’t quite right. I walk with a knowing of who I am, of what it is to feel my beauty from the inside out. I feel the holiness of what it is to be woman; this woman. Me. I hold myself with deep honor and divine love. Everything is different now. This is how we love. Women loving women. And I love these women madly. My life, forever changed by the way they have loved me into beautiful, elegant fullness. HER Temple…IS my body.

How I Make Love

Earlier this month, my husband and I traveled to the southern coast of Maine where we have a summer cottage. Our charming retreat was built for his grandparents by his father, nearly fifty years ago. My husband has cherished memories of spending summers there when he was a boy, doted on and adored by his grandmother and grandfather both, and I’ve grown to love being in this beautiful place as much as he does. As soon as we turn down the marsh road leading toward the ocean, we each feel ourselves breathe in the salt air, even as we exhale anything that might carry the least bit of weight in our hearts and minds. It’s exquisite, each time we make this journey, once in summer and again in the fall.

And with each step into the magic portal of our time there, I find myself different than when I entered. I step back into our life here in Atlanta with a deeper and awakened awareness of myself. Everything feels changed. There is a piece of myself that is released even as another pure facet of my soul’s crystal turns to glimmer in the light of who I am.

Part of our ritual together while at the coast, my husband and I, is to walk along the shore’s edge, stopping to take in the beauty of New England homes nestled beautifully against each other, watching seagulls as they fly and dive, casting their enchantment upon the sand; leaving us breathless, in awe of all that surrounds us, of the majesty and mysteries that whisper here amongst the salty mist.


I could feel a sense of intimacy as we came upon flocks of sandpipers dancing with the waves. As the water flowed in, they ran toward the shore; and with each receding wave, moved in synchronized flow back toward the water. They were glorious in their natural rhythm, and I was completely entranced by these funny little birds, by their utter surrender to the call of the waves and of what might lie beneath the waters with each ebb and flow.

My husband went to sit on the bench for a bit, soaking up the sunshine and soothing sound of waves. I stayed and watched the sandpipers in their dance, seduced by the sweetness of how they played with Life. As I stood there, watching, waiting to see them once again take wing and fly together in search of the next wave, I thought ‘this is how I make love to the world.’ And in truth – how the world makes love to us. We have only to stop long enough to feel the penetration, to engage in the foreplay that is present in every moment, in every heartbeat of stillness and rhythmic movement alike. I am a lover of this Life, of the beauty, grace, pleasure and elegance it offers to us at every turn. And I believe with all I am, that She too is a Lover of me.

My Vagina Talks to Me

You remember the question I asked one of my spiritual teachers back in 2007? I’ve talked about it here before:

‘Why is it that when I feel most connected to something holy it seems to be followed with seductive energy?’

And do you recall his answer?

‘Oh my darling, that would take hours to explain.’ Coupled with a little pat on my knee as we sat together, outside in the sunshine, in an intimate sacred circle.

And that was all. That was ALL he said. I recently read a post titled The Holy Fuck by Kim Anami, and shared it on my FB page Kissing the Sacred. There are many of you that resonated with her experience because as of today 133 people have shared that link from my page. What Kim is talking about is our desire to connect with the Sacred, and the ability to do so through our sexuality and the connections we make with ourselves and others through it.

Beautiful. It still doesn’t answer the question – what is the connection between these two energies in my body? And what is one supposed to do with continual sacred vaginal sensations that stir her into near madness? Surely we’re not designed to live in that state of longing more often than the ecstatic bliss that eventually follows?

sacred birth

Although, many people do.

That doesn’t feel real. Or right. In my vagina.

This morning I shared a conversation with my very wise, very awake and in tune with the Sacred Feminine sister (real life) Lydia, in which we discussed a very outside-the-box connection to that sensual energy – and in a way that most wouldn’t see or feel. And yet, it was strikingly clear to both of us. Crystal. So much so, it felt miraculous. And for me personally – it began a conversation with my vagina.

In that exact space of time I had a glimpse into the answer to this burning question in the center of my core. I felt and heard Her voice very clear – the Divine voice of our ancient, sensual, awake, passionate and wise feminine selves.

And my vagina was feeling Her too. My vagina was perhaps the greatest receptor and channel of Her energy. There was a constant and yes, quite pleasant, tingling sensation.

I felt the AHA touch and kiss and stir into arousal every inch of my body, my Sacred Feminine body, merged completely. At first it was ‘oh yes, this is where I feel divine guidance.’ Yes. A wave of relief poured over me.

Then, with a softer voice and energy I heard the whisper of ‘Of course, darling.’ Of course. This is the connection! When I am in total, utter union with Her, with me as Her, my vagina starts humming. She’s elated! She’s feeling it all, my vagina. She – is Her.

I believe this is true of all women. The Sacred Feminine’s mouthpiece is our vagina. That’s not to say She’s exclusive, but She is ripe and pulsing in your vagina. In my vagina.

Perhaps it’s not all the answer, but it’s certainly a massive chunk on the way to remembering the rest. And I am just delighted.

Dripping in Pandora’s Box

My fingertips paused in that last post–Woman on Fire–as the words came pouring through me, from a Source that has its own movement and energy and pushes through in the moments I least expect it. Sacred Prostitute??? Really? Are we going to say that OUT LOUD, right here, where it’s connected to me, to my name, my ‘work’ – all of it? I paused. I deleted the letters on the screen, only to be assured from within they were the ‘right’ words to let my fingers type, to share, to expose in the light of day.

As if there wasn’t already plenty of energy moving through my being, wave after wave of release and opening, THIS felt and feels like having been catapulted into a void of darkness and deep emotion where I’m just not sure what’s up or down. Old patterns resurfacing. (I DID say this Sacred Feminine sensual energy is NOT simply about sex, didn’t I? So why does it feel, once again, like it SO is??) What I sense is that simply allowing these words to be claimed by me was a virtual opening of Pandora’s Box. Every dark experience, painful judgment, twisted misconception and assumption of a Sacred Prostitute and her energy feels like it’s ruminating in my being, running through and wreaking havoc with a heat that is near unbearable. I’m questioning my own Sacred Feminine energy and what is real or what is not. The old voice of my inner self critic has found momentum in the uncertainty, the questioning, the stirring of residues that are both mine and not mine. Residues of heartache, of misunderstanding ourselves, of frustration coupled with an inability to get clear just yet.

Godfrey Yarek -  French painter - Tutt-Art@ (2)

If I hadn’t done the amount of sinking into my self, to my heart, to my truth I’ve done over these last several years, I would for sure be drowning in my own process. I opened Sera Beak’s book Red, Hot & Holy: A Heretic’s Love Story for inspiration and came across this bit, which seems to relate huge in all that my being is sorting out just now:

Every one has an f.f. (false feminine), but she’s difficult to define because she’s slippery and chameleonlike; she transforms and adapts according to the woman and the situation. Although the f.f works differently in each of us, her main attribute is misusing the feminine to attain power. She has no life force of her own, so she survives and gets her needs met by using other people (like batteries) and then allowing them to do the same to her. She needs constant attention–physically and energetically–and she has found manipulative ways to get these needs met.’ 

And then this:

‘The f.f. also holds the shadow of the sacred prostitute–that is, just ‘the prostitute.’ As you know, prostituting yourself isn’t just about selling sex; it’s about selling your soul.

There’s a big difference between service and servitude. Someone who has a healthy inner sacred prostitute is not in service to a man or to ‘The Man’; rather she serves the greater good. Servitude is putting myself down, allowing myself to be dominated by others or a system of belief. Service is filling my own well with Her and acting from this inner divine authority. Truth is, we can’t be of authentic service on this planet if we are sucked dry or unconsciously leeching off other people energetically or covertly trying to ‘get something’ that we aren’t giving ourselves (Attention? Safety? Admiration? Love?).

So what I can sense in all of this for me, is that a deeper awareness of my own Sacred Prostitute energy is bubbling up into consciousness, gaining power along the way, although the opposite feels true. Understanding our own ‘f.f’ – or false feminine – tendencies and patterns is absolutely imperative to embodying our own inner divine authority and power. We must know who we are, how we operate both in the places where we have claimed the fullness of ourselves and also with an openness to those corners still shrouded in darkness, in our unconscious. I’m wide open to whatever is here, as unnerving and chaotic as it feels inside my being. I trust in all that is unfolding….and will continue to give myself to it fully.

Woman on Fire

I am a woman
A sacred, sensual Divine woman
Who aches to be loved for the goddess she is

I am a woman
Whose longing has been the same
For every moment of her life

To be touched
Kissed
Held
Caressed
Fondled
Cradled
Rocked
Beheld
Adored
Loved
For the Goddess she is

Henry-Asencio-3I am the incarnation of the Sacred Feminine
The Sacred Prostitute
Whose body, heart and soul
Served only the highest Presence
And state of being

I am a woman whose skin begs
To be set on fire with the breath
Of her holy Lover

I am a woman whose entire being
Has waited for this moment to come again
Into her life, her consciousness, her Temple body

I am a woman in whose dreams
She is the chalice for all that is Divine
In whose waking moments
She is the voice and channel
For the very essence of the Sacred Feminine

I am a woman whose heart
Cracks open
Bleeding with her desires
Beating with fiery passion

I am this woman
Into whose soul
The Life Force of the Goddess
Is aged with beauty and grace

Remembering Her place
Breathing Her ancient wisdom
Emanating Her sensual, holy fragrance

I am a woman on fire with the taste of HER.

If You Let it Become Your Master

You have to work on the personal wounds behind your personal anger to free the fierce compassion energy and the clarity that anger can give you access to, but can dominate and destroy if you let it become your master. ~ Andrew Harvey

I’m listening to an interview from a few years ago with one of my beloved teachers – mystic and Sacred Activist Andrew Harvey. As he makes the statement above, I feel a tingle of understanding in myself. There are moments when what we naturally ‘know’ in our consciousness is put into words, into something clear and tangible – that AHA moment. As I heard Andrew talk about his own challenge with anger, with letting go of his own personal attachments and justifications around his anger, I related this to my own experience with my sexuality – a vital part of who I am, as his anger is a vital part of his work and who Andrew is.

I believe that what we are here for is unique to each of us individually, and on a grander scale is really about raising the vibration of this planet into one that is pure, cosmic love. We each have our own individual ‘brand’ of what that love feels like, breathes and pulses as within our bodies, within our own consciousness. Our life experiences funnel into that connection, often creating the very rupture that will bring us back to ourselves. For me, there is a trail of interactions, programming, upbringing, self beliefs in which my sexuality, my naturally sensual feminine nature and way of being were simply NOT acceptable. And yet, they were in a state of continual arousal – because who we ARE doesn’t simply go away by being told to do so. It’s innately part of our energetic makeup. For me – sensuality, the erotic nature of the Sacred Feminine are a very significant part of who I am. I cannot simply ‘shut it off,’ although for several years I tried. Who we are will always come back to find us.

shadows in the morning sunThere were personal wounds that required attention. Rather than turn away from those parts of myself, what was most needed was for me to sink INTO them. Not into the pain per se, yet it’s absolutely necessary to FEEL the sensations of that heartache and pain. But to sink into what I had set aside as something ‘wrong’ in me, that part of myself I couldn’t understand.

Until I was able to embrace that part of myself, to give her room to breathe, to allow her to come out and explore who she really is and how her sensual nature would engage this world if given the opportunity – she stayed in the shadows, behind my line of sight. And as long as that was true, the ‘fierce compassion and clarity’ of my true nature were shrouded in the darkness too. We MUST release our wounds, including the lies, the ‘propaganda’ we have come to believe about ourselves, in order to unleash our pure essence. Until I did that, the blinded version of my sensual nature served as master. Unconsciously, of course–that’s the whole point. When we keep who we are in the unconscious state of our awareness, we essentially operate from a place of ignorance about ourselves. I had no idea what to do with this part of myself. And yet, it continued to pulse within me and always made an appearance as simply being about SEX – when that’s not the essence of my sacred sensuality at all. In truth, me falling deeper into my self, loving all of who I am rather than cutting some parts out or making them ‘wrong’ has brought me full circle into being my own master. I serve the beauty of who I am, the Sacred Feminine essence and presence that is me; rather than remain held captive to what I have hidden away out of shame or fear. In truth, in our authentic expression, without judgment, without there being a ‘right’ or a ‘wrong’ – what do we have to fear about being all of who we are? This, my friends, this fear, this judgment, if you hold onto it, will become your master and will prevent you from the rawness of true intimacy with yourself and others with whom you desire it. Time to drop the shame.