I Am the One

I am the one who has said yes over and over and over again
Whose soul will have HER way with me, claiming every last drop
Of who I am

And I am the one who will continue to be laid bare, stripped of all my strongest protections, left only to be ravaged by HER

I am the one whose heart was ripped wide open, left bleeding and clotting on the floor
Whose beauty became darkness, dirtied by those without eyes to see
Including me

And I am the one who will continue to ignite my radiance, steeping in my own ecstatic beauty  

I am the one whose tears would not come, stymied and stifled and stuffed deep inside
Whose longing left holes in her spirit, felt as gaping chasms of emptiness
And pain

And I am the one who will continue to feel every startling sensation, surrendering myself deep into the folds of HER tender caress

I am the one whose words would not form, terrified to hear my own voice speak out loud
Whose whispers were shunned, silenced by fear and beaten down
Into muted submission

And I am the one who will continue to shout and scream and roar, raging and drenched in the fires of passion

Fiery Love

I am the one, the one who will become HER Lover
Aching, sweating, breathing HER in
As over and over and over
My entire being cries out for HER
Yes….
YES…..
YES! 

Take me, feel me, love me, own me, claim me as yours
Brand my most intimate places with your fires
Burn me from the inside out
Ignite every cell of my being
Penetrating, possessing, purifying
Over and over I whisper….
yes. 

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Natural Born Beauty

In my quest for authenticity, I thought it was time to let my hair grow ‘natural’ – as in ‘gray.’ It’s about 50/50 dark/gray under the gorgeous, rich brown color I have loved for so long. In my 30’s I did ‘the blonde thing’ for a few years. At the time, it felt a little wild and I liked that. But luxurious brunette is truly who I am and what most makes me feel beautiful.

Little did I know the journey I was about to embark upon by choosing to ‘let the gray grow.’ The whisper of it was exhilarating – riding on the back of the motorcycle with my love, feeling the breeze, fully connecting to the Presence of All That Is. It was as though we were sitting in conversation, SHE and I. As I contemplated a haircut and the sparkle making its way through my roots, I heard HER: ‘Why do you cover up who you are with that ‘muck’ on your head? You are already beautiful. You will simply be MORE beautiful with your gray hair.’ My whole self smiled with the sensation SHE sent my way as I felt HER words ripple through my bodies; it was the sensation of BEAUTIFUL. And so I decided to let the gray come….to stop coloring and ‘covering up’ who I am….and I was excited about it.

Until. The hairdresser suggested that in order to get rid of the dark color, we highlight blonde to begin lightening my hair in order to match the gray tones growing in. I was definitely not thrilled over this, but felt committed to the process. Oh my friends, let me tell you how dark that experience became. I was horrified in seeing my reflection. For three weeks, I tried to fall in love with the woman I saw in the mirror – and have loved for so long. I have known her from the inside and come to love who I am. But as vain as it may sound, I could not feel that love for my own outer beauty with this foreign, frizzy, blonde, ugly hair. Waves of emotion poured through me, as though I became women from lifetimes before who were forced to have their heads shaved and their beauty stripped from them. As the tears flowed, I went deeper and deeper into how much our own natural beauty as a woman DOES matter. It’s part of our feminine essence. We each attach to it in unique ways, we express who we are through the way we dress, wear our hair, put on makeup or not, paint our lashes, adorn our curves and color our lips.

What I realized, my loves, is that I have been this woman who loves beauty all along, only when I witnessed this passion in other women judged rather than embraced them for it. I convinced myself this is not who I am. That I choose to let my natural way of aging, of changing, of becoming to reveal and blossom. Thus – the gray hair. I understood how my own judgment played into the ancient patriarchal wounding of women…..of myself. My outer beauty matters to me, just as much as my inner beauty does. One is not better or more sacred than the other. Without going through this process, I wouldn’t have understood that in quite the way I do now.

me 3.14What I believe SHE was whispering to me was to let go of believing I have to be ONE WAY in order to be authentic. Rather than trying to be something I am not – in love with gray hair that feels dull to my lively personality and passion – HER desire is for me to find what feels beautiful TO ME, AS ME, FOR ME – and to honor it. I’m thrilled to share that yesterday we ‘washed that blonde right out of my hair’ and the natural born beauty of a brunette that I AM is breathing with life once more. I feel amazing – not only because I am beautiful to my own eye, but because through this experience I released so much for myself and for women everywhere. It’s okay to want to be beautiful on the outside too. Somewhere along the way we’ve forgotten that – who we are as beautiful women. Whether we go naturally gray or love the vivacious colors we can play with, wear makeup or feel fresh without it. It doesn’t matter. What matters is that we allow our own voice to express in whatever way she wishes. That we are true to HER call for us.

Your personal invitation to AWAKENING WOMAN

 

All I Have to Bare

Let me feel You in my pores
Sweet essence of Love
Washing out all over me

I want to feel Love as though She were an ocean
Her rhythm riding me as a gentle storm
To close my eyes and merge into You

And when I close my eyes
I feel your Love as a Wave that crashes over me
Pulling me, dragging me under
Without breath
Or thought
Or care

Sweet abandon
Release
My own undoing
Release

Stripping away every last shred of resistance
My dignity left lying on Your floor

All I have to bare is me
Beautiful breasts await Your Breath
The heat of sweet lips open to meet Your Tender Kisses 
Arms wide in surrender, giving all of my self to You

I want to feel Your gaze upon my sex
Drinking her in
Tasting her
Losing yourself in Her dark cavernous Light of Beckoning

sensuality

I want to know how it feels for you to be inside of me
Pressing
Opening

‘Just a little bit more my darling’
You whisper with each new entry into my Feminine folds
My lips are wet with the taste of You

Leaving me longing for more
Hungry for Your Touch
Desirous of our Bodies to connect once again

Pausing only to see into the spirit of each other
Becoming both the Seer and the Seen
Burning in the fiery gaze of a soul’s lust
For HER within and from each other
Our intimacy formed perfectly
Fit together as though designed

I love to feel You
From the inside out
To know Your presence 
Even before You come

My soul longs to feel Your penetration 
Ever more deeply, sweetly, fiercely 

I am laid bare
Spread wide apart
Open, waiting, calling You to me
Hungry for all that only You can bring

I am yours oh Beloved One
I am yours

How Do You Bleed?

I feel there is something unexplored in women that only a woman can understand. ~ Georgia O’Keefe

This quote crossed my awareness last night, and because I love Georgia O’Keefe so much, it gave me pause. I brought it into some of my sacred circles of women to explore a bit more. What I’ve found within myself is a deep well of connection to what remains unexplored in us. Perhaps it’s our own Creative Force that we keep quiet, subdued, manageable lest we be seen as crazy, out there, or gone over the edge. We’ve lived through lifetimes of being laughed at, tormented and even considered ‘hysterical’ just because of how deeply and passionately we feel.

As I have let myself FEEL into what this stirs in my own body and remembrance, I sense that what is unexplored in women may look different on each one of us. And yet, at it’s core is quite possibly the same. We are naturally designed with a womb of creation. From that womb, we nurture and give life. What allows us to do so is connected to a monthly bleeding and shedding of our uterine walls to continually prepare for that Life. If we consider that what is unexplored in each of us is the passion, the Force that whispers to us, that speaks to us in the most loving and sensitive ways, and at times in a fiery and fierce voice of pulsing sensation–then would not the ‘unexplored’ in each of us be our own Sacred Blood?

pink and red

There is so much here, I feel I can’t quite grasp how to express it. Our Creative Force, our passion, our longing, our deepest soul feeling and purpose – live in our physical and feminine BLOOD. The obvious menstrual blood aside, just envision for a moment the feeling of blood pumping through your body and the sensations that can impact that flow. When we feel most intensely something as true in our entire being, whether it’s fear, passion, desire, excitement, heartache – you can FEEL that in your heart, in the very way your blood moves through you. You can SENSE that you are alive, even in the moments you may not wish to be so.

Stepping deeper into it – how we FEEL and experience Life, how we Create and Offer ourselves to this world – is that not how we BLEED? Both symbolically and quite literally? And yet, one of the last things women are talking about and inviting into their lives is their flow, conversation about how sacred it is that we DO have a Flow of Blood. We’ve forgotten the sacredness of what this means to us. We’ve lost the precious care of ourselves as Creators of Life. We no longer see our ability to BLEED as something precious, to be honored.

There are ancient practices of women holding ceremony and allowing their blood to seep into the earth beneath them. These women understood their bodies harbored something so holy and powerful as to cherish and honor it. WE recognized the power of our ability to bleed and to bring life and healing through our blood.

And so what this quote has brought to me is this question: How do YOU bleed? Whether you look through the lens of your Creative Force, your Passion, and/or your Physical Body and the actual cycle of menstruation. As a woman who carries ancient sacred lineage, how do you bleed? And with whom will you explore this aspect of being Woman?