Sacred Blood, Holy Grail

It’s not what you might expect, this post. It’s not about the Magdalene or our endless fabled search for the Holy Grail. You may recall I wrote recently about our blood as women, both literally and symbolically. (How Do You Bleed?) What I came to realize as the words poured through my fingertips is how little we have valued our ability to bleed as women first of all, but ever more deeply how much our blood truly represents. We are the mothers, the creators. That word – Creators – really stood out to me. Bear with me, we’re going to connect some dots around this now….

What I’m witnessing within myself and around me in my circles of women is that we are currently undergoing an immense flow of release. For some it’s old family beliefs and ways of being, others are shifting their ‘work’ focus and still others are taking inventory of our creative energies. How are we giving our energy to this world, and are we feeling a drain or a sense of being alive and awakened in those experiences? With the shifts in consciousness that are now rapidly occurring, for those who choose to tune in to the subtleties, there is crystal clarity in coming into our truth. We can FEEL it like never before. We are reconnecting with the beauty of what it is to be a woman on EVERY level – physically, emotionally, intuitively, creatively. This includes our love of nurturing, our ancient gifts of knowing, our deep longing to move in step with the fire of our passion and our sacred gift of creating.

Diwali_The_Festival_of_Lights

This is where the ‘Sacred Blood, Holy Grail’ comes in, my loves. The more we are releasing, allowing ourselves to let go, to move from what no longer feeds the purity of our souls (let’s not forget, this requires taking the time and space to reclaim our purity) – the more we are creating an emptiness, a space through which our blood can freely flow throughout our being – on every level. We are taking ownership of our health, our desires, our love, our sweetness, our power, our feminine presence. OUR BLOOD – the Holy Grail, the chalice of our very existence. We are falling more and more deeply into ourselves, in love with ourselves – seeing ourselves as holy. No more excuses for the way we love, apologies because our body might not be socially acceptable or because we are alluring by our very nature. We are creating whatever our hearts whisper to us, without censorship. We are AWAKE, alive and filled with the fire to wholly embrace our intimate truth.

So I offer to you, my dear friends, this cup from which to drink; to hold reverent our own sacred blood of presence, of coming into this life and perhaps many others as women. Holy, blessed, Sacred Feminine Women. This is our legacy.

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Passion Underlying Envy

For many years, jealousy and I were best friends. My older sister is radiantly beautiful, as is my younger sister. (As am I, but we’ll come back to that later.) I was painfully jealous of my older sister Lisa, of her ability to socialize with such finesse, of how much all the guys always wanted her, of her quick witted strength and ability to respond without hesitation, of her confidence in who she is. The energy had such a hold on me, I continually tried to ‘get over it’ and even wrote my high school graduation speech on contentment, centering on this childhood jealousy and desperately hoping something would change after this. It did – but only for a short while. Because in reality – we cannot FORCE our way through emotions that run deep in our cells. We must FEEL them fully, sink deep into the space of marinating in the energy so that the drops of love, of wisdom, of truth can find their way to our lips.

Following up on The Beautiful Truth About the Green Eyed Monster, I see even more clearly today into the layers of our envious nature. Because this has been so present for me, I have NEEDED to understand envy at its depths, to transform how it plays into my heart, my soul and to turn off its power over my thoughts. As I began to feel into ENVY today, this is what I felt/experienced:

soul reflectionWhen we are feeling envious of another, we become empty inside. Not the kind of empty that awaits the Beloved filling us with Love, but the kind of empty that depletes our authentic power. We are in essence, trampling who we ARE. Because envy is derived from placing our eyes, our heart on another person, on their gifts, their beauty, wisdom, grace, wealth, love, health – you name it. We are no longer able to SEE ourselves because all we see is THEM. We effectively tell ourselves we are small, others are big and what we feel, carry, witness, know as our truth no longer holds our gaze.

Now, in a moment of fiery envy, of feeling so empty, small, ‘nothing’ – take a moment and breathe. Turn your gaze back to the beauty staring back at you from the mirror. Breathe HER in. See HER. Close your eyes and feel for your inner power. Let your passion begin whispering to you, touching you, arousing you. Let your interior grace pour itself over you, heating every inch of flesh. FEEL WHO YOU ARE.

This, my loves, this is the beckoning that lies beneath your envy. As long as my eyes were on my sister, Lisa would always be a beautiful Goddess and I would be dark and invisible. She remains a beautiful Goddess, as does my younger sister Lydia. In present time, I not only know, but can FEEL the GODDESS I AM. And what matters most to me, what fills me up so completely is allowing myself to own that truth rather than passing it off to someone else to hold for me. I AM A BEAUTIFUL GODDESS, filled with a richness, with a fiery passion that ignites even the blackest of nights. I know who I am. And that is the breath envy needed to be released.

Deepening the Layers

In conversations with the women of my intimate circles, what seems to be prevalent right now is a continual surge of activating and awakening energy, followed by dark moments and inner turmoil. I no longer believe that we are in an ‘expand and contract’ cycle–meaning that the more we open to the sacred energies stirring from within, the more we connect with ‘light’ energy, we will encounter equal measures of fear and instead of holding our center will become lost in the darkness. Validating this patterning feels like playing into the patriarchal way of seeing ourselves, stuck within a cycle and system of power that is outside ourselves.

Art-fire-wallpaper-women-1050x1680What I sense is that we are being cracked wide open – repeatedly. Especially those of us who have said yes, who have committed ourselves to the Sacred Feminine Ravishing happening across our planet. There are men in these circles to be sure, although for me the connections are mostly women. And women are not fucking around. We are no longer sitting back and allowing the events of our lives to be defined by someone else. We aren’t interested in someone telling us what we need or how we’re supposed to take the next step. We are deepening the layers of our own internal wisdom. We are opening the drapes of the rooms still left untouched within our soul’s castle. We are moving with haste ever more passionately into the Mystery. This is OUR language. We know this dialogue. There is a sacred encoding we carry and with each tear that falls, with each trembling we feel in our bodies, with every choice we make that is only about what WE FEEL is best – we are activating that code.

What I feel is that we are engaging a beautiful dance with ourselves. One that is about being laid bare, surrendering all that we are into the grace of our true power. We ARE the Divine Feminine in human form. We ARE master Creators, Lovers, Artists, Mothers. We are powerful alchemists and seductresses. And we make no apology for that. As we stand up one by one, again and again to own all of what we have for too long suppressed within ourselves, we are revealing each place where we have held tight to the old way of being, doing, expressing. We are deepening the layers. We are penetrating the sacred core of ourselves, moving through the old triggers, letting them go one by one, sometimes hundreds at a time. We are remembering the pure way of being with ourselves, as ourselves. And we are channeling that radiant presence out into our world.

We have said ‘no more.’ And whatever may come – we meant it.

I Am the One

I am the one who has said yes over and over and over again
Whose soul will have HER way with me, claiming every last drop
Of who I am

And I am the one who will continue to be laid bare, stripped of all my strongest protections, left only to be ravaged by HER

I am the one whose heart was ripped wide open, left bleeding and clotting on the floor
Whose beauty became darkness, dirtied by those without eyes to see
Including me

And I am the one who will continue to ignite my radiance, steeping in my own ecstatic beauty  

I am the one whose tears would not come, stymied and stifled and stuffed deep inside
Whose longing left holes in her spirit, felt as gaping chasms of emptiness
And pain

And I am the one who will continue to feel every startling sensation, surrendering myself deep into the folds of HER tender caress

I am the one whose words would not form, terrified to hear my own voice speak out loud
Whose whispers were shunned, silenced by fear and beaten down
Into muted submission

And I am the one who will continue to shout and scream and roar, raging and drenched in the fires of passion

Fiery Love

I am the one, the one who will become HER Lover
Aching, sweating, breathing HER in
As over and over and over
My entire being cries out for HER
Yes….
YES…..
YES! 

Take me, feel me, love me, own me, claim me as yours
Brand my most intimate places with your fires
Burn me from the inside out
Ignite every cell of my being
Penetrating, possessing, purifying
Over and over I whisper….
yes. 

All I Have to Bare

Let me feel You in my pores
Sweet essence of Love
Washing out all over me

I want to feel Love as though She were an ocean
Her rhythm riding me as a gentle storm
To close my eyes and merge into You

And when I close my eyes
I feel your Love as a Wave that crashes over me
Pulling me, dragging me under
Without breath
Or thought
Or care

Sweet abandon
Release
My own undoing
Release

Stripping away every last shred of resistance
My dignity left lying on Your floor

All I have to bare is me
Beautiful breasts await Your Breath
The heat of sweet lips open to meet Your Tender Kisses 
Arms wide in surrender, giving all of my self to You

I want to feel Your gaze upon my sex
Drinking her in
Tasting her
Losing yourself in Her dark cavernous Light of Beckoning

sensuality

I want to know how it feels for you to be inside of me
Pressing
Opening

‘Just a little bit more my darling’
You whisper with each new entry into my Feminine folds
My lips are wet with the taste of You

Leaving me longing for more
Hungry for Your Touch
Desirous of our Bodies to connect once again

Pausing only to see into the spirit of each other
Becoming both the Seer and the Seen
Burning in the fiery gaze of a soul’s lust
For HER within and from each other
Our intimacy formed perfectly
Fit together as though designed

I love to feel You
From the inside out
To know Your presence 
Even before You come

My soul longs to feel Your penetration 
Ever more deeply, sweetly, fiercely 

I am laid bare
Spread wide apart
Open, waiting, calling You to me
Hungry for all that only You can bring

I am yours oh Beloved One
I am yours

How Do You Bleed?

I feel there is something unexplored in women that only a woman can understand. ~ Georgia O’Keefe

This quote crossed my awareness last night, and because I love Georgia O’Keefe so much, it gave me pause. I brought it into some of my sacred circles of women to explore a bit more. What I’ve found within myself is a deep well of connection to what remains unexplored in us. Perhaps it’s our own Creative Force that we keep quiet, subdued, manageable lest we be seen as crazy, out there, or gone over the edge. We’ve lived through lifetimes of being laughed at, tormented and even considered ‘hysterical’ just because of how deeply and passionately we feel.

As I have let myself FEEL into what this stirs in my own body and remembrance, I sense that what is unexplored in women may look different on each one of us. And yet, at it’s core is quite possibly the same. We are naturally designed with a womb of creation. From that womb, we nurture and give life. What allows us to do so is connected to a monthly bleeding and shedding of our uterine walls to continually prepare for that Life. If we consider that what is unexplored in each of us is the passion, the Force that whispers to us, that speaks to us in the most loving and sensitive ways, and at times in a fiery and fierce voice of pulsing sensation–then would not the ‘unexplored’ in each of us be our own Sacred Blood?

pink and red

There is so much here, I feel I can’t quite grasp how to express it. Our Creative Force, our passion, our longing, our deepest soul feeling and purpose – live in our physical and feminine BLOOD. The obvious menstrual blood aside, just envision for a moment the feeling of blood pumping through your body and the sensations that can impact that flow. When we feel most intensely something as true in our entire being, whether it’s fear, passion, desire, excitement, heartache – you can FEEL that in your heart, in the very way your blood moves through you. You can SENSE that you are alive, even in the moments you may not wish to be so.

Stepping deeper into it – how we FEEL and experience Life, how we Create and Offer ourselves to this world – is that not how we BLEED? Both symbolically and quite literally? And yet, one of the last things women are talking about and inviting into their lives is their flow, conversation about how sacred it is that we DO have a Flow of Blood. We’ve forgotten the sacredness of what this means to us. We’ve lost the precious care of ourselves as Creators of Life. We no longer see our ability to BLEED as something precious, to be honored.

There are ancient practices of women holding ceremony and allowing their blood to seep into the earth beneath them. These women understood their bodies harbored something so holy and powerful as to cherish and honor it. WE recognized the power of our ability to bleed and to bring life and healing through our blood.

And so what this quote has brought to me is this question: How do YOU bleed? Whether you look through the lens of your Creative Force, your Passion, and/or your Physical Body and the actual cycle of menstruation. As a woman who carries ancient sacred lineage, how do you bleed? And with whom will you explore this aspect of being Woman?

Beautiful Truth of the Green Eyed Monster

Jealousy. Some of us feel it more than others–I am certainly one of those women. I’ve been thinking about it recently, as I’ve told myself I’m being jealous and looked within to discover why. What I’m recognizing is that jealousy is not about wanting to BE someone else or have what they have, it’s about an old sting of lack in ourselves, and specifically not yet having a clear understanding of who we are. When we know who we are, we fall in love with ourselves. We can’t imagine being someone or something else because we are so enamored with all that we already ARE.

And just to be clear, I’m not talking about admiring someone else. I’m talking about jealousy in the way we’ve experienced it as a ‘bad word’ to define how we feel–especially as women toward one another. You rarely hear of a woman truly being jealous of a man, do you? No, most often this is one of those emotions made ugly by way of the patriarchal influence that is now dissolving itself away through the presence of the authentic Divine Feminine.

green wallz.moon.pkWhat I can truly see now, is that jealousy is not ugly. It’s an aspect of our ability to Love, our DESIRE to Love. To love ourselves, to love others, to be in love with all that falls into our lives. To move deep into the space of the heart and FEEL LOVE. Now let’s look from another angle at that ‘green eyed’ monster…..

GREEN. Green is the color of the heart chakra, the color of healing, of life, renewal, rebirth, of our Mother Earth. Green is the color of LOVE. And so, what if jealousy is really a desire for Love? What if we began to FEEL in ourselves that when a pang of ‘jealousy’ strikes, it is merely the whisper of Love reminding us who She is, of who WE are with HER? What if that instant shot of what we consider to be unhappiness is in her reality a beckoning of Love Herself, calling us, pulling us ever more deeply into ourselves, into our beautiful, radiant selves and the gorgeous stream of Love that lives within?

What if, my friends? What if all we have bought and allowed as truth no longer resonates as our reality? What if we opened ourselves to a whole new dictionary and language of being and all these labels have it wrong? What if? Then I would be one powerhouse of pure, GREEN, radiating, gorgeous, pulsing, pour-all-over-you LOVE! And I daresay, so would you.