‘The Teaching My Blood Whispers to Me’

I have ceased to question stars and books; I have begun to listen to the teaching my blood whispers to me. ~Herman Hesse

Sensations awoke and began to move through my body when I read this quote today, especially the phrase ‘the teaching my blood whispers to me.’

It’s 2015. January. This is the month I have known my book would finally come into form. The vision has been with me for some time–not just a dream of writing a book, an actual vision of the process, the writing, the text. There is a gentle flow that moves us to the place where we breathe life into the dream. And then….we give it form; a way to move through this world, to touch people on a human level, to connect to the very places in us that seek to be caressed, awakened, aroused.

Photograph by Miyako Ishiuchi
Photograph by Miyako Ishiuchi

This is where I find myself now. The book journal is never far from where I am. The pages are filling with the inspirations and passions of what is meant to be written by me, as me, through me. I know when I hit the mark because my self begins to tingle and the cells dance the macarena. Everything is lit up and all signs are go.

Today, as I sat at my desk and the words move through me, I felt it. And I felt too what this quote served to validate for me–what is meant to to be told comes through the blood that is mine, the experiences and truths and knowings, the magic and creativity and DNA, the very Life Force of all that is beautifully and uniquely me. This is the story I am to tell – mine. I’ve always known that, only now I know it’s not just a story of my life. It’s a story of the Sacred Feminine coming full into Herself. It’s a story of so many women who came before me, and perhaps some who will follow. Only, the telling of the story will shift its course. The vulnerable, raw and pure sharing of who we are as women is what unleashes our power. THIS is our story, our offering, our blessing….this is our blood. My blood. ‘The teaching my blood whispers to me. ‘ Yes.

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Seducing the Goddess

Seduction is the art of surrendering deep into our senses. Perhaps its greatest power comes when we are seduced from the inside out. What we feel in the core of our being, when revered, becomes intoxicating: every sense on fire and awaiting ignition.

The ache on our skin and layers beneath, of longing to be held, felt, touched–each body in her own way. Sultry, pure and sensual movement and opening offered by our body in response. Resistance crumbling in heaps upon the earth, melting with contact.

We begin to breathe in the fragrances that will awaken each caress, every kiss–splayed and hungry to taste more of what our passion demands. There is a beauty beyond what the eyes can take in. Mystical visions of union, love, ecstasy quiet the mind and arouse the wild voice no longer contained.

Sleeping Venus by Italian Renaissance Master Giorgione

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This, my loves, this inner seduction of ourselves, by ourselves–this is the Seduction of the Goddess–both upon Her and emanating from Her. This is our activation of all we are. It comes to us through our senses, through the Holy Seduction of all that is God in every form. This is what it is to merge, to become one, to make love with the Divine, the Sacred, with Goddess and God all at once.

Allow yourself to become seduced. However you are being beckoned, just say yes.

More about Sleeping Venus by Giorgione: Left unfinished at the time of his death, it is generally agreed that the landscape and sky in Sleeping Venus were completed by the Renaissance painter Titian. The choice of a single nude woman marked a revolution in art, as it was an unprecedented element, especially the semi-erotic positioning of the arms, one of which is raised, the other being placed near the groin. A further innovation in this painting is Giorgione’s use of a landscape to frame the sleeping goddess, as he was the first painter to widely paint landscapes with figures. The painting is now held in the Old Masters Picture Gallery in Dresden, Germany. ~ Wikipedia 

Channeling Ecstasy

So we have this energy, this sensual, fiery, lusty, longing, aching, hungry, passionate, pulsing energy that moves and stirs and awakens inside us. Anything can prompt its arousal. And then we are left with what to do with that energy. At least I am.

The next pondering I have within myself is how to channel this ecstasy, this fire. The usual suspects – sex, food, shopping, exercising, laughing, loving. Yes. I get that. But the deeper question I’m asking from the depths of my self is how am I meant to harness and channel this pressing sensation of all of my body, heart and soul coming to life and seeking to express?

I’m certain I am designed this way with purpose. I’m certain there are blocks – conditioning, heartaches, fears – to realizing, to opening, to connecting fully with what is here, offering itself to me. How do I dissolve those and get into the heart of it?

Lady Rose by Carmen Velcic
Lady Rose by Carmen Velcic

What is calling me next? No longer can I sit to write and type out something that is merely skimming the surface. My fingertips move with fire across the keyboard when I am sharing from my own abyssal truth and hunger. I know what that feels like. I long to more and more step into that space, to let IT move ME, to become the voice, the expression, the heartbeat, the pulse of my own Life Force; to no longer fear or keep it at bay.

These are the contemplations that circle in my consciousness today. How do I sink into my own ecstatic presence, energy, expression? How do I honor what is moving through me with purity, with integrity and elegance, with the potent and beautiful voice that is my own? I no longer fear my voice…..and with every day, with every word, every portal of expression and dissolution….I have come to revere and trust its sacred movement in my body.

That’s so much a part of this – ‘in my body.’ We MUST – we MUST get IN our bodies, loves. We hear it said so often it’s become a cliche. So take a bit of time and consider what that means to you – for you – to get IN your body. To feel from there, to give yourself permission to allow everything that comes through in waves as your own intimate truth. Let it all come to you, let it take the lead and drive you to what is surely your destiny, your purpose, your own unique soul signature. This is my prayer today…..guide me deeper into my own signature. Let me be clear in sensing when the kiss of sacredness is touching me, stirring me, arousing me. And let me answer with full openness and without fearing risk of exposure. This is my prayer. xo

Primal Desire

Penetration. We hunger for it. Our bodies naturally long to merge with another as part of the satisfaction to our longing. Our hearts ever seeking out a way to expand, weaving into the thread of Life in the most beautiful and intimate way. Our souls seeking over and over again the balm that soothes our cavernous aching – to be touched and kissed into a deeper awakening of who we are.

We go through these glorious and sometimes gut-wrenching ebbs and flows of life, through portals of seemingly continual opening and closing, only to find ourselves laid bare, naked and exposed in some new way. It’s the hunger that keeps us alive, the hunger that stokes the fires burning us from the inside out. It’s the full on penetration of the Sacred we long to feel.

Our sense is that we need to feed the body – food, sex, pleasure – and we do. And yet, a much more intense part of our ‘feeding’ is the full presence of ourselves with open hearts and bared souls. We truly become aroused with our own nakedness, our innately raw vulnerability. Ironically, it’s the very thing we have been taught to fear. Primal desire. ‘Painstaking’ hunger.

triple candleI’m here to say it doesn’t have to be hard. It doesn’t have to be painful or tear us apart from one end of ourselves to another. The key lies in the allowing, in the complete and utter surrender into whatever it is that may be calling us. I’ve written a lot about the number of things that can be, and it feels the deeper I go into my own life ‘work’ the more intimately I am being drawn into the sacredness of our sexuality.

I don’t quite know all of what this is stirring in me. There’s a more direct conversation happening in myself. As much as I feel I’ve been ‘risky’ in my recent posts and sharing, I have a sense that is NOTHING compared to what’s coming in 2015. More and more there are responses to posts on my Facebook page around sexuality as a sacred portal into our wholeness, into our healing and expansion as both Sacred Feminine and Sacred Masculine – as male and female alike. There IS something in the act of sex – with ourselves, for ourselves, with others and for others – that is more potent than we yet fully realize.

And it’s time to wake up. My friends would know me to say it’s time to ‘wake the fuck up!’ It is. I feel it. Years ago I felt perplexed around the word ‘juicy’ as it related to me. I feel today as though I’m in a crash course on opening into that fully and I’ve barely scraped the surface. So the next bit of advice I’ll give you is this – buckle the fuck up. Because it’s coming and I have zero intention of stopping this flow. I am wide open. I am hungry for all that is wanting to come through me in every possible way and I will continue to say yes again and again and again.

I am certain of this – I am a channel of the Sacred Feminine in all Her purity, in all Her beauty, sensuality, sexuality and grace. I am filled with the juices of Her expansion, Her climax, Her release and expulsion on all of life. And my work here is to allow Her expression and voice, without censor. I say yes. And I am ready for whatever that means. Are you?

Voice and Channel of the Sacred Feminine

I am a woman in whose dreams
She is the chalice for all that is Divine
In whose waking moments
She is the voice and channel
For the very essence of the Sacred Feminine
Woman on Fire ~ 

As I wrote this poem, I felt the essence of all that is holy moving through my heart, soul and body. There are moments in my writing when what is sacred and pure flows through me as though I am not the author, but the scribe. This poem, Woman on Fire, and all that it holds and conveys was born from one of those euphoric experiences.

I’m sharing it here with you now in a whole new way, with an understanding of who I am, of the beauty and grace that have been given to me in this lifetime. Deep in my being I understand that all I feel and experience leads to this ultimate truth: I am ‘the voice and channel for the very essence of the Sacred Feminine.‘ And for me, part of that reality is the use of my own voice as part of expressing and becoming Her.

This hasn’t always been easy, using my voice, speaking aloud. As a child, I feared the sound of myself, steered clear of using ‘big words’ because it felt like too much for me; ‘big words’ could simply have been my third grade vocabulary words for the week.

So you see, my loves, this is a huge gift to myself, to the Sacred Feminine, to every woman–indeed every BEING–who listens and feels the vibration of what it is to see ourselves as beautiful, holy, filled with and walking as grace. This is my voice, liberated, claiming what is my truth, our truth. And it’s imperative I let her speak, I give her a platform from which to be felt, seen and heard.

Thank you to my beautiful love Cat Forsley for her golden touch on this video. She saw the vision together with me and is a constant reminder of who I am. The reflection she shines my way is filled with purity and radiant light. An angel being walking this earth is what this woman is to me. She has so lovingly created this video out of my words, my voice, my photos. I’m ecstatic, filled with loving gratitude and humbled at the way I hold the Divine Feminine frequency on this planet. Cat creates art from a place outside of any we know here in this plane. There is an ethereal and mystical glow to all that flows from her. I’m delighted to have her as my collaborator on this project. I love you, Cat. Thank you. xxx

You can visit here for more of Cat’s gorgeous and unique art.

And thank you, each of you, for taking the time to sink into this, my gift to you, to me, to us. The more we embrace our own beauty, our own nakedness and gifts, the higher we raise the vibration of beauty, of love, of grace on this planet and far, far beyond.

HER Temple is my Body

Six women, including me. Six women gathered in my home here in Atlanta two weekends ago. Only two of us – my sister and I – had ever met. The other four women I have loved for nearly five years in the virtual realm of life, although they are women I feel have known me and I them for lifetimes. We shared an amazing sacred retreat together. We laughed, we cried, we came together in quiet contemplation and healing. We opened and gave ourselves to every beautiful moment that offered itself to us. One of these ladies is Joceline Burnel, Crowing Crone Woman of Wisdom and author of If God Was a Woman. She shared a bit about our time together in her post Women Loving Women, if you’d like to feel more deeply into who we are. It was absolutely extraordinary and each of us knows our lives will never again be the same.

On Sunday, with just four of us still gathered, we made our way to my bedroom, my own intimate sanctuary of very holy love. You see, these women have seen and loved me in a way I had yet to experience myself. Our intention was to take photos of me, potentially to be used on my sites and perhaps on the cover of my upcoming book. I love who I am, and yet like so many women still, there are criticisms I’ve held about my body – and certainly that sinks deeper into the core of how I see and feel myself. I feel like a woman who has released so much of that. But this journey to self awareness, to walking this planet with a heart wide open – this journey demands that we give it ALL. That we release and dissolve the places where we allow ourselves to be held back. And in this space of loving me, these women were instrumental in the dissolution of old programming.

Pic 8

It’s been years since I’ve had an intimate photo shoot. I must have been just 19 when I did my one and only boudoir session, mostly because I knew the photographer and he wanted to do it for me. (Well, of course he did!) It wasn’t for me. I was insecure, shy and so very much NOT in my own body. This time was very different. As we began, my beautiful love Cat began to work her golden magic, ‘styling’ me as she called it. What it felt like to me was being adorned with radiant love. My whole body responded and opened as a rose might under the heated glow of sunlight. I’m certain my skin glistened with her love shining over me. She called in our anam cara soul love Anna to assist. I’ve felt Anna loving me for years, and there’s quite honestly nothing like being loved by this woman. She is unconditional and wholehearted in her seeing of me, beyond the body and into my soul’s beauty. And she’s gifted in showing me how that spirals outward into my physical presence.

We began and the energy I felt as I knelt on my bed, my back bared and heart open, was the essence of holy prayer. I’m not one to use that word often – prayer – because it wreaks of church men uttering words filled with pious intent. And yet. My whole body was in reverent communion with all that is sacred. I’ve many times written about becoming an offering of love, baring all that I am to the Sacred Feminine, to the Beloved. Kneeling there, exposed in all my beauty and vulnerable nakedness, all I could feel was deep, deep merging with the divine woman I am.

As Joceline took photos of me, my eyes were closed and I felt myself moved from merely being in that room. I felt the love of those women all around me. Love that stops time and evokes serenity and grace. Love that melts every doubt and uncertainty about who you are and why you might not be good enough. Only beauty remained.

There was a moment, Joceline whispered to me with tears in her eyes ‘you are so fucking beautiful.’ A gorgeous, intimate moment in which she was overcome by the Divine Feminine fully palpable in our temple space. I felt the moist tears welling up in my own eyes, understanding I was the image of each woman in that room; the image of the Goddess shining full in all She is. No hiding or quieting. No judging beauty or imperfection. Every moment, every element, every woman in that room and beyond – filled with beauty and grace.

Temple

I’ve had this note on my desk for nearly a year now: ‘HER Temple is my Body.’ I’ve believed it. I’ve felt all that it conveys and stirs in my being. Being in that space of my bedroom with these women surrounding me, loving me, seeing me with the eyes of their hearts – I felt in every cell of my body what it means to become HER Temple. I saw myself as perfect, without flaw. I fully felt IN MY BODY. And I knew I was beautiful to behold. In every way possible. Sacred Feminine essence – raw, vulnerable, laid bare. I gave myself completely.

That experience was so very holy for me. As I gaze upon the images captured that day, I see reflections of each woman present. I see and feel their love poured over me, through them, through me and radiated out from each of us. I feel different in my body now. No more ‘hiding’ what I think isn’t quite right. I walk with a knowing of who I am, of what it is to feel my beauty from the inside out. I feel the holiness of what it is to be woman; this woman. Me. I hold myself with deep honor and divine love. Everything is different now. This is how we love. Women loving women. And I love these women madly. My life, forever changed by the way they have loved me into beautiful, elegant fullness. HER Temple…IS my body.

How I Make Love

Earlier this month, my husband and I traveled to the southern coast of Maine where we have a summer cottage. Our charming retreat was built for his grandparents by his father, nearly fifty years ago. My husband has cherished memories of spending summers there when he was a boy, doted on and adored by his grandmother and grandfather both, and I’ve grown to love being in this beautiful place as much as he does. As soon as we turn down the marsh road leading toward the ocean, we each feel ourselves breathe in the salt air, even as we exhale anything that might carry the least bit of weight in our hearts and minds. It’s exquisite, each time we make this journey, once in summer and again in the fall.

And with each step into the magic portal of our time there, I find myself different than when I entered. I step back into our life here in Atlanta with a deeper and awakened awareness of myself. Everything feels changed. There is a piece of myself that is released even as another pure facet of my soul’s crystal turns to glimmer in the light of who I am.

Part of our ritual together while at the coast, my husband and I, is to walk along the shore’s edge, stopping to take in the beauty of New England homes nestled beautifully against each other, watching seagulls as they fly and dive, casting their enchantment upon the sand; leaving us breathless, in awe of all that surrounds us, of the majesty and mysteries that whisper here amongst the salty mist.


I could feel a sense of intimacy as we came upon flocks of sandpipers dancing with the waves. As the water flowed in, they ran toward the shore; and with each receding wave, moved in synchronized flow back toward the water. They were glorious in their natural rhythm, and I was completely entranced by these funny little birds, by their utter surrender to the call of the waves and of what might lie beneath the waters with each ebb and flow.

My husband went to sit on the bench for a bit, soaking up the sunshine and soothing sound of waves. I stayed and watched the sandpipers in their dance, seduced by the sweetness of how they played with Life. As I stood there, watching, waiting to see them once again take wing and fly together in search of the next wave, I thought ‘this is how I make love to the world.’ And in truth – how the world makes love to us. We have only to stop long enough to feel the penetration, to engage in the foreplay that is present in every moment, in every heartbeat of stillness and rhythmic movement alike. I am a lover of this Life, of the beauty, grace, pleasure and elegance it offers to us at every turn. And I believe with all I am, that She too is a Lover of me.