My Vagina Talks to Me

You remember the question I asked one of my spiritual teachers back in 2007? I’ve talked about it here before:

‘Why is it that when I feel most connected to something holy it seems to be followed with seductive energy?’

And do you recall his answer?

‘Oh my darling, that would take hours to explain.’ Coupled with a little pat on my knee as we sat together, outside in the sunshine, in an intimate sacred circle.

And that was all. That was ALL he said. I recently read a post titled The Holy Fuck by Kim Anami, and shared it on my FB page Kissing the Sacred. There are many of you that resonated with her experience because as of today 133 people have shared that link from my page. What Kim is talking about is our desire to connect with the Sacred, and the ability to do so through our sexuality and the connections we make with ourselves and others through it.

Beautiful. It still doesn’t answer the question – what is the connection between these two energies in my body? And what is one supposed to do with continual sacred vaginal sensations that stir her into near madness? Surely we’re not designed to live in that state of longing more often than the ecstatic bliss that eventually follows?

sacred birth

Although, many people do.

That doesn’t feel real. Or right. In my vagina.

This morning I shared a conversation with my very wise, very awake and in tune with the Sacred Feminine sister (real life) Lydia, in which we discussed a very outside-the-box connection to that sensual energy – and in a way that most wouldn’t see or feel. And yet, it was strikingly clear to both of us. Crystal. So much so, it felt miraculous. And for me personally – it began a conversation with my vagina.

In that exact space of time I had a glimpse into the answer to this burning question in the center of my core. I felt and heard Her voice very clear – the Divine voice of our ancient, sensual, awake, passionate and wise feminine selves.

And my vagina was feeling Her too. My vagina was perhaps the greatest receptor and channel of Her energy. There was a constant and yes, quite pleasant, tingling sensation.

I felt the AHA touch and kiss and stir into arousal every inch of my body, my Sacred Feminine body, merged completely. At first it was ‘oh yes, this is where I feel divine guidance.’ Yes. A wave of relief poured over me.

Then, with a softer voice and energy I heard the whisper of ‘Of course, darling.’ Of course. This is the connection! When I am in total, utter union with Her, with me as Her, my vagina starts humming. She’s elated! She’s feeling it all, my vagina. She – is Her.

I believe this is true of all women. The Sacred Feminine’s mouthpiece is our vagina. That’s not to say She’s exclusive, but She is ripe and pulsing in your vagina. In my vagina.

Perhaps it’s not all the answer, but it’s certainly a massive chunk on the way to remembering the rest. And I am just delighted.

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Dripping in Pandora’s Box

My fingertips paused in that last post–Woman on Fire–as the words came pouring through me, from a Source that has its own movement and energy and pushes through in the moments I least expect it. Sacred Prostitute??? Really? Are we going to say that OUT LOUD, right here, where it’s connected to me, to my name, my ‘work’ – all of it? I paused. I deleted the letters on the screen, only to be assured from within they were the ‘right’ words to let my fingers type, to share, to expose in the light of day.

As if there wasn’t already plenty of energy moving through my being, wave after wave of release and opening, THIS felt and feels like having been catapulted into a void of darkness and deep emotion where I’m just not sure what’s up or down. Old patterns resurfacing. (I DID say this Sacred Feminine sensual energy is NOT simply about sex, didn’t I? So why does it feel, once again, like it SO is??) What I sense is that simply allowing these words to be claimed by me was a virtual opening of Pandora’s Box. Every dark experience, painful judgment, twisted misconception and assumption of a Sacred Prostitute and her energy feels like it’s ruminating in my being, running through and wreaking havoc with a heat that is near unbearable. I’m questioning my own Sacred Feminine energy and what is real or what is not. The old voice of my inner self critic has found momentum in the uncertainty, the questioning, the stirring of residues that are both mine and not mine. Residues of heartache, of misunderstanding ourselves, of frustration coupled with an inability to get clear just yet.

Godfrey Yarek -  French painter - Tutt-Art@ (2)

If I hadn’t done the amount of sinking into my self, to my heart, to my truth I’ve done over these last several years, I would for sure be drowning in my own process. I opened Sera Beak’s book Red, Hot & Holy: A Heretic’s Love Story for inspiration and came across this bit, which seems to relate huge in all that my being is sorting out just now:

Every one has an f.f. (false feminine), but she’s difficult to define because she’s slippery and chameleonlike; she transforms and adapts according to the woman and the situation. Although the f.f works differently in each of us, her main attribute is misusing the feminine to attain power. She has no life force of her own, so she survives and gets her needs met by using other people (like batteries) and then allowing them to do the same to her. She needs constant attention–physically and energetically–and she has found manipulative ways to get these needs met.’ 

And then this:

‘The f.f. also holds the shadow of the sacred prostitute–that is, just ‘the prostitute.’ As you know, prostituting yourself isn’t just about selling sex; it’s about selling your soul.

There’s a big difference between service and servitude. Someone who has a healthy inner sacred prostitute is not in service to a man or to ‘The Man’; rather she serves the greater good. Servitude is putting myself down, allowing myself to be dominated by others or a system of belief. Service is filling my own well with Her and acting from this inner divine authority. Truth is, we can’t be of authentic service on this planet if we are sucked dry or unconsciously leeching off other people energetically or covertly trying to ‘get something’ that we aren’t giving ourselves (Attention? Safety? Admiration? Love?).

So what I can sense in all of this for me, is that a deeper awareness of my own Sacred Prostitute energy is bubbling up into consciousness, gaining power along the way, although the opposite feels true. Understanding our own ‘f.f’ – or false feminine – tendencies and patterns is absolutely imperative to embodying our own inner divine authority and power. We must know who we are, how we operate both in the places where we have claimed the fullness of ourselves and also with an openness to those corners still shrouded in darkness, in our unconscious. I’m wide open to whatever is here, as unnerving and chaotic as it feels inside my being. I trust in all that is unfolding….and will continue to give myself to it fully.

Woman on Fire

I am a woman
A sacred, sensual Divine woman
Who aches to be loved for the goddess she is

I am a woman
Whose longing has been the same
For every moment of her life

To be touched
Kissed
Held
Caressed
Fondled
Cradled
Rocked
Beheld
Adored
Loved
For the Goddess she is

Henry-Asencio-3I am the incarnation of the Sacred Feminine
The Sacred Prostitute
Whose body, heart and soul
Served only the highest Presence
And state of being

I am a woman whose skin begs
To be set on fire with the breath
Of her holy Lover

I am a woman whose entire being
Has waited for this moment to come again
Into her life, her consciousness, her Temple body

I am a woman in whose dreams
She is the chalice for all that is Divine
In whose waking moments
She is the voice and channel
For the very essence of the Sacred Feminine

I am a woman whose heart
Cracks open
Bleeding with her desires
Beating with fiery passion

I am this woman
Into whose soul
The Life Force of the Goddess
Is aged with beauty and grace

Remembering Her place
Breathing Her ancient wisdom
Emanating Her sensual, holy fragrance

I am a woman on fire with the taste of HER.

If You Let it Become Your Master

You have to work on the personal wounds behind your personal anger to free the fierce compassion energy and the clarity that anger can give you access to, but can dominate and destroy if you let it become your master. ~ Andrew Harvey

I’m listening to an interview from a few years ago with one of my beloved teachers – mystic and Sacred Activist Andrew Harvey. As he makes the statement above, I feel a tingle of understanding in myself. There are moments when what we naturally ‘know’ in our consciousness is put into words, into something clear and tangible – that AHA moment. As I heard Andrew talk about his own challenge with anger, with letting go of his own personal attachments and justifications around his anger, I related this to my own experience with my sexuality – a vital part of who I am, as his anger is a vital part of his work and who Andrew is.

I believe that what we are here for is unique to each of us individually, and on a grander scale is really about raising the vibration of this planet into one that is pure, cosmic love. We each have our own individual ‘brand’ of what that love feels like, breathes and pulses as within our bodies, within our own consciousness. Our life experiences funnel into that connection, often creating the very rupture that will bring us back to ourselves. For me, there is a trail of interactions, programming, upbringing, self beliefs in which my sexuality, my naturally sensual feminine nature and way of being were simply NOT acceptable. And yet, they were in a state of continual arousal – because who we ARE doesn’t simply go away by being told to do so. It’s innately part of our energetic makeup. For me – sensuality, the erotic nature of the Sacred Feminine are a very significant part of who I am. I cannot simply ‘shut it off,’ although for several years I tried. Who we are will always come back to find us.

shadows in the morning sunThere were personal wounds that required attention. Rather than turn away from those parts of myself, what was most needed was for me to sink INTO them. Not into the pain per se, yet it’s absolutely necessary to FEEL the sensations of that heartache and pain. But to sink into what I had set aside as something ‘wrong’ in me, that part of myself I couldn’t understand.

Until I was able to embrace that part of myself, to give her room to breathe, to allow her to come out and explore who she really is and how her sensual nature would engage this world if given the opportunity – she stayed in the shadows, behind my line of sight. And as long as that was true, the ‘fierce compassion and clarity’ of my true nature were shrouded in the darkness too. We MUST release our wounds, including the lies, the ‘propaganda’ we have come to believe about ourselves, in order to unleash our pure essence. Until I did that, the blinded version of my sensual nature served as master. Unconsciously, of course–that’s the whole point. When we keep who we are in the unconscious state of our awareness, we essentially operate from a place of ignorance about ourselves. I had no idea what to do with this part of myself. And yet, it continued to pulse within me and always made an appearance as simply being about SEX – when that’s not the essence of my sacred sensuality at all. In truth, me falling deeper into my self, loving all of who I am rather than cutting some parts out or making them ‘wrong’ has brought me full circle into being my own master. I serve the beauty of who I am, the Sacred Feminine essence and presence that is me; rather than remain held captive to what I have hidden away out of shame or fear. In truth, in our authentic expression, without judgment, without there being a ‘right’ or a ‘wrong’ – what do we have to fear about being all of who we are? This, my friends, this fear, this judgment, if you hold onto it, will become your master and will prevent you from the rawness of true intimacy with yourself and others with whom you desire it. Time to drop the shame.

Language of the Body

Censorship perpetuates shame, which in turn fosters ignorance. And ignorance prevents change. So it’s a very dangerous trajectory to shy away from the language of the body.  ~ Dr. William Masters, ‘Masters of Sex’

As a young girl I knew what it was to feel the truth burning in my body, even as from the pulpit our pastor taught it was wrong, even sinful, to trust our feelings – the very FEELINGS that originate and emanate from our bodies. Much like in the movie Footloose I was raised in the belief that the body will always betray you through its lusty desires and abandoned surrender into temptation. And anything that wasn’t deemed pure was considered to be temptation. That is – pure through the eyes of some presupposed ‘law’ that is fully outside oneself rather than originating from our strongest Source – within.

Burning-Man-Day-1 (897 of 1210)-X3
Burning Man, Day 1 by Trey Ratcliff

The language of the body. For me it’s complex, multi-layered with seduction, sensuality, purity, wisdom, grace and ancient intelligence. My body beautifully guides me into the spaces where I feel potent, passionate love – the kind that links both hearts and bodies alike. My body is my greatest authority on what is healthy for me. I have only to check in when eating food to feel whether it will settle well or not. My body knows when I need more rest and when movement and flow are what will most benefit my overall well being. My body is a clear indicator of what is called for in order to sink deeper into the wildness that continually calls to me, the nakedness I – and I believe so many of us if not all, desire to walk through this life wearing.

Censorship perpetuates shame. Feel the truth in that. When we censor what we feel in our bodies to only that which is ‘acceptable,’ we shut down a part of who we truly are. Our truth lives deep in our bodies, in our hearts, our souls, our gut instincts – all of which are housed within our physical bodies in some way. Each is connected to a greater network of mystical knowledge and presence, and yet we individually here on this planet carry that same intelligence and engage in dialogue with it through our own BODIES. This, this is the language of the body. It lives and breathes in every cell, every heart beat, every orgasmic moment, every zenlike experience. It can be wild and raging as a lioness and equally soft and gentle as whisper.

Time to release our shame by dropping the censorship – of who we are, what we feel, how we express ourselves and all that we carry in the beautiful holy sanctuary that is our body. It’s time to step fully into the language of our bodies; to understand there is a living, breathing Entity that we are, and we ALONE contain the highest intelligence of what is needed, of what is ‘right’ and acceptable for our own personal journey on this planet. There is no greater authority to guide us. We are it. We are the Divine, sovereign Voice of what is true, what is authentic, what is beautiful in our lives, in our selves. There is no greater knowledge or higher authority. And it’s time we really sink into that reality and operate from a new place of holding ourselves in such high regard.

Addiction or Seduction?

Seen positively, seduction is a synonym for the act of charming someone — male or female — by an appeal to the senses, often with the goal of reducing unfounded fears and leading to their “sexual emancipation”. ~ Wikipedia

While I don’t agree seduction is limited to male/female initiation, nor that leads to emancipation of only our sexuality, I love what this quote conveys. Seduction is a doorway to liberation; to unveiling some hidden part of ourselves – our true selves. Seduction is a mystical substance. I realize that’s a bold statement, but it’s one of which I am certain. And I believe all acts of seduction have the power to lead us into a deeper state of love – love in its pure, universal form.

I’m no expert on addiction. So what I’m going to share here comes from my own inner truth and personal experience. I’m quite certain there are many who might label me an addict. Addicted to delicious food, to incredible sexual interludes, to afternoons indulging in movies on my couch, to a glass of wine in the evening, to beauty, even to my own spiritual journey. The list can go on and on. Perhaps I’m ‘addicted’ to my own way of walking in this world.

The_Sensual_Woman_Wallpaper__yvt2

I don’t believe that’s true. I’m not an addict. And I don’t believe many who have been labeled as such are either. For myself, I have moved from depending on these things to make me happy into a state of understanding they feed the longing of my senses. It’s my SENSES that call to me, that seduce me into a different way of being. In so doing, the seduction frees old ways of seeing my self, of believing that pleasure is bad or wrong and abstinence or ‘everything in moderation’ is good. I can’t find my way to feeling that as true in my being.

There was a time in my life I would certainly have been tagged – and have been – an addict. To sex. To partying. To eating. I began to judge them as wrong. The more I have liberated the old lies inside of me and tuned into what MY own truth is, the more I realize part of who I am personally is a lover of the pleasures of life. They connect me to my own inner passion. They stir something inside me that becomes a channel to the sacred. They open doors that have for too long been closed in judgment of being something ‘wrong.’

So I ask you, my friends. Is it seduction into a different way of being with ourselves, into a deeper relation to our senses and the mystical portal they offer? Or is it addiction that has a death grip on our survival and well being? Feel the difference of these two. Sink into the energy they ARE and feel what they evoke in your BODY. Our bodies do not lie. They are the greatest receptors of our own personal truth there is.

This post originated through conversation with a beloved friend over the phrase ‘Seduced by Love.’ I began to write of that and somehow ended up here. Seduced by Love felt so fluffy and overused. I believe we need to come to a new way of relating to the art of seduction, to its energy and presence in our world, our lives, our passion. We have feared its existence for too long.

From the Diary of a Sensual Woman

Sensuality is about FEELING, sinking into our senses, allowing pleasure to penetrate us fully and tingle through every cell in our body. It’s about becoming the energy of whatever you are engaging, so much so that a merging occurs and you are no longer separate. Sensual energy ‘wakes up’ the fullness of who we are, seducing us to move deeper and deeper into the ecstatic state of euphoric heart stimulation.

I am a sensual woman, deep into the core of my being. The more I acknowledge and embrace that truth, the more I am immersed into the sacredness of its presence. Allowing myself to speak the language, feel the vibrations, walk the walk and ‘talk the talk’ is more and more opening me up to what it IS to be a sensual woman.

'Desire' by Lauri Blank
‘Desire’ by Lauri Blank

Let me, for a moment, tell you what it is not. It’s not an open invitation for either male or female to assume I desire to be sexual with you. It’s not a statement that I am soliciting sexual comments or activity. It’s not about flaunting myself or hanging a sign outside my door that says ‘always open to lewdness.’

It’s sacred, my friends. It comes from the center of my heart. It’s aroused by connection to something that moves me, that stirs me from the deepest place inside myself. In my younger years, it was strictly outside of me, because I couldn’t grasp the enormity of who I am. I couldn’t begin to relate to sensuality being nothing about sex and everything about the heart. Because in our world, we get it wrong. We confuse the two. And I am here to assist us in dropping the weighted view of our sensuality as well as the warped sense of sexuality we have inherited. I am here to show you how holy it is to sink into our senses, to feel everything – including our beautiful way of being sexual in this world – but from the INSIDE OUT.

So please, do not assume I want to engage in continual sexual innuendo. If you don’t whisper or ignite a fire in my heart as well as my body, ours is an empty connection.