Captivating Beauty

It seems for women especially the mere mention of ‘beauty’ carries so many triggers. We move through times of believing it doesn’t or shouldn’t matter at all. In other moments it feels to be what matters the most. Upon seeing our reflection in the mirror we sometimes believe the physical beauty of ourselves is the total sum of our value. And there are occasions when we catch a glimpse of our reflection and sink deep into the essence of our true beauty, understanding and seeing at once how it glimmers through our skin to reveal the most intimate and sacred parts of who we are.

‘Beauty’ and the desire for it, the nurturing of it has for many women become a dirty word. I wonder how this relates for our male counterparts? How does beauty compute in the interior of the man’s sensual nature?

I myself shunned my own physical beauty in its entirety for several years. There were very real and painful life circumstances that led me to such total feminine abandonment of myself, and yet I believed it to be the most kind thing I could do. Interestingly, even as I share this conversation with you now I can hear some of the old rumblings that lead women to feeling guilt and shame over the ways we love and adorn ourselves.

Beauty quote

There’s a natural desire to feel our full feminine sensuality. We do so through the feel of the clothes we choose to place against our skin. Through the fragrances we allow to seep into and through our pores. We each carry our own natural, very sweet scent for those who are close enough to breathe us in deeply. Our hair is for many of us an expression and carrier of our soul’s magic. The colors and styles we wear serve as indicators of our inner truth, our present mood and as a statement of how we engage this world.

With all the rage against the very overstated beauty industry, we have perhaps forgotten the nuance of what our true beauty is. It’s not merely on the inside as so many would have us to believe. When we pause and truly take in the essence of a woman, allowing that in fact her appearance–the ways in which she presents and holds herself–is an exterior, visual statement of her inner essence, we gain a pure sense of her true beauty. For beauty flows through her pores, spilling over into the outer layer of her human body. Beauty, dear loves, is not merely ‘spiritual,’ but very, very physical as well.

It’s in our natural programming to become drawn to beauty in all her forms. Yes, we each have our own unique taste and desire when it comes to our attractions, but it remains true we all carry and respond to the allure of beauty herself.

It took a few years for me to feel her nudging once again, to welcome beauty into my life beyond the esoteric and yes, very ‘safe’ manifestation of her presence. The more I saw and felt my true self, the more I remembered who I am and invited the sensation of all the beauty that is me. We do great harm to our being when we lock beauty into one way of walking in this world. It would do us well to become unraveled in her presence, to expand and petition Beauty herself to penetrate our senses, announcing her arrival and desire to be seen, felt and heard on every level of all we are. I sense she has much to arouse in us yet.

 

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I Fell in Love With My Ovaries Today

We’ve lost the art of loving ourselves through the ages of time and patriarchy. Rather than wholeheartedly embracing and feeling the power, the beauty, the grace, the majesty of our bodies, we began to shut it all down placing our Life Force on hold. We shrank inside ourselves as all ways of the Divine Feminine were silenced in fear and shame.

I’ve been listening to a series entitled Female Sexual Soul Healing offered by Leyolah Antara of Kundalini Dance – and to say it’s transforming would be a huge understatement. The session I listened to today was ‘Ovaries.’

I’m not sure many of us have ever connected with our bodies in this deep way – to feel, sense, love and feel loved by the energetic and physical matter of who we are. It’s not simply about a body part, but all the experiences, energies, exchanges, beliefs, patterns and subsequent reinforcements they carry. When we open into relationship with our body, with our sexual organs specifically, we unlock a power that has for most of us, been hushed and darkened our entire lives.

Sensual Feminine

In a deephearted conversation with one I love last night, I heard myself saying – owning – fervently out loud ‘I MATTER.’ It’s not a statement we’re prone to allowing ourselves to feel in its fullness, nor to dare speak aloud. It carries old vibrations of selfishness and believing we’re better than we really are. Not so in the ovarian palace. In this space of a woman’s body there is a regal worship and honoring of all she is. Her intuitive senses are embraced, cherished and held in the highest regard. Her worth as a woman radiates with crystal clarity. Her presence and grace in this world, her ability to bring love and healing through her very own Life Force breathes a power that is both understood and wholly welcomed and loved here.

This series is changing me, cleansing me of what has been stored in my body, my dna, and the energetic and physical bodies of women for lifetimes. It’s potent, and with each of the 11 sessions moves deeper and deeper into the heart of what it is to embody, to immerse ourselves in the Divine Feminine. I’m only at the halfway point and there is a stirring in my being that is outside anything my mind could begin to conjure up or create. The energy is real, the healing so very gentle with a cosmic expansion of our purest essence and holy presence.

Today I fell in love with my ovaries as though we were meeting for the first time. I saw and felt their love, their beauty, and the pulsing, sacred breath of life they are. I experienced their connection to my heart, my womb (center of the ovarian palace) and my creativity. These sessions are a sinking into who we are as women, not only from the ancient threads of our existence, but through this moment in time where even more of our feminine creativity, love, healing and compassion are present and available to us.

I’ve seen several offerings from Leyolah over these last few years, and even felt a pull to a couple; albeit a pull that never fully drew me in. Upon reading about and feeling into this series, I was immediately compelled to take part. My 21 days will be stretched over time, and sometimes I listen to the sessions out of order – honoring my intuitive senses and the pull of my own body. This – the beauty and art of being a woman, of listening and responding ever so gently and lovingly to the call of our own inner truth – this is the inner alchemy in which I am immersing myself completely.

A Wanted Woman

While walking through our neighborhood a few evenings ago, my love paused for a moment to wrap his arms around me, even sensually cupping my behind. I felt my whole self light up with his touch, with the energy of his wanting, and his ‘small’ gesture stirred a sense of truth within: I highly value being a wanted woman. 

Perhaps I’ve known that’s true for a very long time, only I’m not sure I’ve always had an acceptance or carried the beauty of understanding it within myself. There are innuendos attached to such a statement. Judgments around our (lack of) self esteem, our wounds, our need to be recognized, seen, loved. Residues of those notions still plague me a bit, but the ferocity and deep power of the feeling in that statement stayed with me, leaving me to ponder more intimately just what it meant.

A wanted woman. As I feel into that phrase, connect to the essence of who she is, I can sense this goes beyond simply being desired. The energy of what I feel is of being a woman who is cherished, honored, loved for who she is. She is worthy of being so loved and esteemed simply because she breathes. We’ve lost touch with allowing ourselves to feel this so fully, suppressing our desire to be honored in this way, especially when it relates to physical presence.

sensual flowers

There was a time in our history when women were so honored for our beauty, our love, our wisdom and holiness. For many women, that love was felt through the worship of our bodies. I believe that time is present once again and part of its power is for us to claim it in ourselves. For me, allowing this statement to remain in my awareness is part of how I do that. One of my initial responses when the moment had passed was to feel old stories creeping in, to hear the voices of others who may not understand or honor this sensation of what it is to be woman–to be me as a woman. Giving the notion of valuing myself as a wanted woman room to remain in my contemplation as well as sharing it with you here are both part of my own internal release of what is no longer true – for myself and for all woman who relate.

I don’t believe this hunger is exclusive to just women. Our men, lovers, children bask in the glow of our honored loving. We crave the sensation of being held in the highest regard on every level. There is a vulnerability required to let ourselves feel the aching, to give ourselves space to express our need to be loved and seen fully. Perhaps it’s the vulnerability that keeps us from feeling it to its depths – both the desire to be so cherished as well as our ability to love another in this way.

I’m curious if you feel its truth within your being. As you read the statement ‘I highly value being a wanted woman’ what is the response it evokes in your being? Can you connect to the beauty of who you are, to the desire you have within to be loved and held sacred by those you hold close in your heart?

This is part of the suffering we impart upon ourselves – denial of our inner truth. Such seemingly small statements can turn our world inside out, drawing us deeper into the raw and intimate places of what we have kept safely hidden. The tide has turned and we are no longer in the shadows of our truth, our expression, our hunger and desire. The fear to let it breathe remains, and we alone hold the power to bare its naked presence and feel from within the dissolution of what is old. As we do this more and more, the old breaks away and we find ourselves in a new and powerful relation to ourselves.

I am a wanted woman. Loved, cherished, held sacred. The more I understand and allow this to be present in myself, the more I can receive and experience it with others. It’s been easy to give the love and honoring to others. A raw allowing is required to feel it within and for ourselves. I choose that. xx

 

To the Aroused Man: I Meant to Turn You On

‘Your posts are very arousing Jackie- damm I get hard reading them.’

My whole self froze upon reading this message in my inbox, following my last post. It’s not new – turning men on by simply being me. I’ve always felt and known it – sometimes consciously, other times it’s crept up and caught me completely by surprise. And the response is most often the same: I freeze for a moment when it’s unsolicited by my own physical arousal, by an intention to get ‘his’ attention. I’m well aware when that energy is present in myself–and when it’s not.

So when I read these words, I felt old stirrings of shame come flooding in. Self doubt and questioning – am I cheapening the Sacred Feminine by speaking what I am so passionate about? In stepping deeper into my own voice and expression, is there a disservice being done to others?

aroused

The one truth that really seemed to matter rose to the surface of it all: I MEANT to arouse you. By the very nature of who I am I arouse – with my body, my words, my energy, my voice, my truth – all of who I came here to be in this life is arousing. And now that I am at this place of fully embracing that in myself, of understanding it’s meant to be this way, the arousal is fully conscious.

Only my intention isn’t simply to arouse your body. I appreciate fully that impact on your being, because for most of my life that’s how I translated passionate, ignited sacred energy flowing through my body – sexual. It always felt that my exhilaration, my enthusiasm, my greatest moments of life had some tie to being sexually turned on. And for years I felt confused by this reality, shamed by it really. I felt I was wrong, cheap, dirty because my body responded to all forms of arousal in a sexual manner.

I offer to you this: we are meant to feel the vibration of who we are in this way. The sexual response is but ONE way to channel that energy, and unfortunately for so many, it’s the only way we are attuned to feeling who we are. If you’re like me, you feel that sensation and then are hungry for some form of lusty fulfillment. In most cases, that doesn’t come the way we long for it to, and all that’s left is the emptiness of wanting, the desire to feel everything in your body become kissed and stirred into awakening once again.

So yes, I meant to turn you on. And my intention is this: to turn on every sense in your body so that you cannot escape your hunger for all that is raw and pulsing in your being, and you must embrace it rather than seek to release it. It’s something I’m really just beginning to put into practice myself, so we’re in this together. We are sexual beings, and it’s time we allow our sexuality to become a doorway to the mystical. It’s time we recognize we have a power to be aroused that goes beyond sexual exchange.

What I love about this message is that my words are having the desired impact. In spite of the moments when our bodies are turned on and we feel we could become sexual with anyone who crosses our path, what we are opening is something much more powerful. And we’ve not yet fully stepped into that power. To keep it only ‘sexual’ is to keep it small. It truly encompasses how we love, how we live, how we speak, eat, laugh, breathe. This power has the capacity to awaken, to arouse, to ignite every area of our lives if we give it room to do so.

To become turned on is to become steeped in the beauty, the fire, the grace, the holiness of who we are, of all this world has to offer us, of the power that moves the blood through our veins. Doesn’t it make sense that blood would move into the most intimate places of our bodies and create a response that feels very sexual?

There are no answers here, only one woman sharing her story, her insights, her truth. I offer this to you for consideration. What if there is no more shame in your body? Who would you be then? I believe with all my being that my pure expression is here to arouse every sense, to turn you on, to dissolve the residues of shame that keep you from your authentic power. I challenge you, when the blood begins to pump, when your whole body is turned on high – consider all that is available to you. Feel deeply every sensation that is awakening you, cleansing the residues of your old stories, stirring your passions into life. Feel the sexual response in your body, with full awareness this isn’t simply a sexual experience. It’s actually a language your soul is speaking to you; a liberation of the chains that have kept you in place. Feel it as such, and give movement to your arousal in ways you have not yet known.

So to the men and women alike who feel yourselves aroused by my writing and energy – I meant to turn you on. I meant to bring to you a doorway through which to feel your sacredness. When it comes to meet you, allow the sensation of being a divinely awake human being. Allow the dialogue to be shared with your body, with your soul. Because some part of your truth is seeking its way to you. The Sacred Feminine is fondling the most sensitive parts of your being. How will you respond?

Feminine Power of Penetration: No More Playing Small

I love the sensation of being penetrated. There’s nothing like the presence of my lover buried deep inside me with a fire of passion that calls us together, blazing in the heat of sweet surrender. What I’ve come to understand recently is that even as I am being penetrated physically and energetically by my love, there is a simultaneous penetration of my own taking place.

In the act of making love, the penis enters the vagina. Repeatedly. We’ve understood this for years to be the way of sex. We’ve also experienced and attached to it the idea that men have the power and women surrender ourselves to that power. There can be a beautiful truth in this reality, but it requires that we let go of the histories with which we have become so familiar. We must relinquish our role as ‘victim’ in the feminine sense, and understand the power of choice in the act of surrender to our love. Surrender isn’t solely about ‘giving in’ – it’s very much about allowing, inviting, welcoming.

Marilyn

Because here’s what’s true, my loves. It’s not only men who penetrate when it comes to making love. We as women carry our own exquisite art of penetration. As we passionately contract our vaginal walls around our man’s presence in our bodies, there is a feminine penetration taking place. He may be buried deep inside us, but our energy and fire surround him fully, penetrating the very essence of his being.

We carry the power to satiate, to ignite, to soothe or spark. Moving in harmony with all his body communicates to us, we have the ability to receive all he offers, simultaneously injecting our adoration, tenderness, healing fires into his being.  This is the energy of the feminine. She is the giver of life, healer, seductress. She is the balm that cures whatever ails her lover. When we as women really begin to sense, allow and embrace this truth, it transforms us, our lovers, our entire sexual experience.

The desire for penetration is real – male or female, masculine or feminine. The power to do so exists in each one of us. This is our time to stand up and claim our power, to step out of our smallness, proclaiming who we are as loud and strong as we need. Women who honor the fullness of who we are become graced with the gift of cleansing and awakening penetration. We tap into something still lurking in the shadows of our time. We change the story and shift the scales. There is no more separation of the masculine and feminine through the energy of victim/perpetrator. We become lovers of one another, exchanging the gift of entrance and invitation with each other. This is where our power lies. And it’s time we owned it all.

I Make Love to Change the World

The world will be saved by the western woman. ~ Dalai Lama

We’ve all heard this quote by now, haven’t we? We’ve ridden the wagon of feminine empowerment, liberation, freedoms for some time–and made great progress with still more to come. Women are more and more unveiling and embracing the truth of who we are, of the power we carry, of the ways in which our presence and energy impact this world.

I don’t believe it’s as simple as this quote, however. In fact, something inside me has shown up in questioning response since I read it. I couldn’t hear it at first–the work of releasing myself from inner and outer prisons much too loud inside my being. Today, that little ‘ping’ finds crystal clarity.

This world cannot be saved by women alone. We are potent creators, givers of life, lovers of fierce and noble men and women alike. But we are not the saviors of this planet.

couples

What I believe to be offered within this quote and so many others like it, is the unshackling of women. Unshackling ourselves from false truths, from ‘nice’ ways of walking in this world, from victim mentalities, from needing to be like men in order to feel equal. And through the unchaining of ourselves, we in turn become sovereign, claiming fully the power that is ours; ours because it lives inside us. This has been a necessary part of the process, however it is not the ultimate destination.

And our men are in the process of doing the same work; of reclaiming themselves, opening their hearts, allowing vulnerability in how they feel, speak and love. It looks different on the outside, but the interior tearing down and raising up is very much the same.

I want to pause here and say it’s not simply about men and women, heterosexual terms. There are many same sex couples whose masculine and feminine energies ignite and balance much the same way as do those of heterosexual couples. Just as some have many lovers while others choose marriage or monogamy. Drop the rules. Toss out the old language and see beyond the surface.

Women and men alike – masculine and feminine energy each coming together in sacred union, in fiery passion and expansive love for each other – that is what will change this world. It’s the allowance within each one of us that creates the massive alchemy required to open hearts, ignite wombs, heal heartache, empower the generations that follow. It’s a dance of masculine and feminine burning in the fires together in whatever form you wish to take it: your own inner marriage of the two and/or your partnering with the ‘opposing’ energy.

The key is wide open embrace to oneself. The more we steep in the heat of our true expression, our raw emotions, our pure essence, unique personal power and way of walking this world, the deeper we come alive. We bring that life to our work, our creativity, our health, our conversations, to our love and to our partners. There is a holy fire of union shared between us and the masculine/feminine counterparts we choose and are.

Women will change the world. Men will change the world. The masculine is a driving force in blazing new trails, just as the feminine is the passion for doing so. Each burning on its own, expanding to new depths and heights through the mutual love and merging. Making love will change the world. It’s all in how you choose to do it.

Speaking Sexuality Out Loud

Dissolving the shame around our sexuality isn’t exclusive to women – or to men. Nor is it simply about those who are in heterosexual male/female relationships. We’re entering a space where the delicate balance of masculine and feminine are coming together – finding center. There are women who relate more to the masculine way of being, and men whose natural tendencies and desires are in the feminine realm.

We’re expanding the conversation now – and it’s going to get hot. Hot in the ways we desire, yes – increased arousal, fires burning in all the right places; but also hot in the ways that make us uncomfortable, fidgety in our seats, ready to lash out and defend what feels true in ourselves.

There’s been an imbalance in our world through the reign of patriarchy. We’ve all played into it – men and women alike. And for some time now there have been women’s groups and organizations, books, websites, conferences and Red Tent gatherings centered around the empowerment, the healing, the opening and release of the wounds we have carried for generations and lifetimes. So many of us know stories of our aunts, mothers and grandmothers having experienced sexual abuse at the hands of men. And in truth – that certainly still happens.

Intimate couples by Evelina Pentcheva
Intimate couples by Evelina Pentcheva

We’ve put much energy, heart and time into healing these wounds, empowering ourselves, finding our voices and releasing the demons that plague our past. Women are experiencing liberation, dissolving shame and opening to the intimate, hidden places in our sexual libraries. We love to be sexual. We desire to be wanted, adored. We carry a passion so deep it can ignite inside us in a heartbeat. These are our truths.

It’s time now to give our men the same leeway in expressing their sexual truths. Let us allow them to speak of the sexual intensity present in their own bodies, give them room to unleash the raw desire and lust that lives within their masculine way of walking this earth. Our men, this generation of men along with this generation of women, deserve no less than to be able to speak boldly and openly of their sexual desires. It’s the hiding away, the shaming, the blame and the judgment of what is wrong  and not acceptable that has driven us to acting out our sexuality in secret, in dark places where it has little room to flourish, to burn, to breathe as the truth of what it is.

It may feel uncomfortable in us at times. And ladies, let’s be fair – there are certainly moments our open expression has felt the same to our male counterparts. Let us now come together as equals, processing and releasing the shackles of our history, the wounding, the heartache, the blame. Let us honor each other as who we are in our sexuality, in our hunger and ravenous desire to explore the depths of our bodies, our passion, our fires together. We have certainly come far enough to engage the conversation, to speak boldly and honestly our truths to one another and find in the process an acceptance and even celebration of what is real and true in ourselves and each other.