Sexuality. This is Your Conscience.

These were the words accompanying this image, linking it to a post apparently no longer visible. The words and image alone stirred something inside myself. Sexuality has a conscience? What does that look like or mean?

What it felt like inside me, this sensual pairing of words and visual imagery, was yet another layer of liberating the censorship and darkening of our sexuality. It felt like setting her free, letting her breathe and dance and become drunk on her own self, lost in the ecstatic bliss of falling into love with being love, making love, becoming love. Too many barriers to doing so. Too much judgment and labeling of what is right and what is wrong. Overload of illusion and lies.

golden shoes

 

It’s changing though, shifting course with rapid and fiery pace. Are you experiencing it? Perhaps it’s especially potent for me, having stuffed, quieted and barely recognized my own sexuality all these years. We came into this life knowing one another very well. As I’ve shared here before, I have always loved the idea of sex, the sensual connection we feel in our bodies when in touch with something erotic. And really – that can be absolutely anything.

What if the ‘conscience’ of sexuality is symbolized in this image? It evokes a luxury of presence, a confidence, richness, deep sense of being. We might imagine a woman that knows who she is, feeling beautifully and radiantly comfortable in her own skin. For me, the image pulls forth a full body response. The rest of her story draws me and her presence is alluring.

This is how I want to walk through this life. Ever on the verge of being penetrated by the mystical, drenching in sacredness all around me. It’s more and more what my entire being is waking up to, re-membering. The conditioning has very little hold anymore. So what I know in this moment, is that if my sexuality has a conscience, it runs crystal clear, always holy and sometimes very, very red hot.

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Dancing with the Longing

A beautiful soul friend and I talked recently about the continual presence and cycle of the ‘longing.’ It takes many forms, love, let me assure you of that. It can be a ‘hunger’ for food that delights and satisfies. Often it arrives as an intimate desire of the most heated sexual kind. There are moments it’s simply an ache to FEEL the sensation of being loved, of being seen, known, adored, witnessed, cherished. Any of these can be the language of love and Her counterpart, of longing.

What I feel in myself is the truth of this Sacred Call from deep within our Souls is we are Made to Love. By our very design, we have been formed with receptors continually seeking and feeling their way to that love sensation. They carry the knowing of what it is to feel alive and awake, to become stimulated with the ancient mysteries of life, to dance, become drunk and make love with the most sensual lovers. These lovers are many. They are the desires of our hearts, our souls and YES our bodies. The longing lives in every pore of our existence.

Goddess Life Force

We have been taught ‘spiritually’ that we as human beings are falsely seeking fulfillment for that longing through earthly pleasures – for some, the beauty of being a woman and even a man who loves the aesthetics of this body. Sitting down to savor a most delicious meal. Soaking in the warmth and softness of a hot tub. Being deeply kissed and held by our lovers. Wearing something that makes you feel more fully the beauty of who you are.

I say these are not ‘shallow’ substitutes for that longing. While the deep desire to connect, to feel alive, experiencing the blood pulsing hot with life and desire for MORE is absolutely a beckoning of our souls, there are many ways in which we respond. Listening to music that moves us. Or even music that allows for the tears we long to weep to become free and flowing, dripping into a puddle on our own laps or falling sweetly on the shoulder of one who loves and holds us.

This longing is part of who we are, of who we have come here to be. Your heart and soul know from whence you come and will forever be calling you back to that beautiful, love-filled place that is your own Sacred HOME. We take on the form of a body to remind us of that longing, to allow us to feel the sensation of DESIRE, yes, even of lust, aching, pleasure, hunger…this so that we can then soak in the satiated ecstasy of what it is to fully FEEL all of our selves.

This, loves, this is the longing. This is why and how it ebbs and flows. We feel ourselves become filled, only to empty and await the surge of our lovers, of our selves as our own lover, once again. It is a mystical, holy dance in which we become engaged, and through which we find more and more of the pure, glowing Light that Is HER.

I believe we each experience this through the grace that is our own soul, and am curious how it feels for each of us. For me, so very sensual, and at times, fiery. Others, it’s the the soothe I long to feel.

Baring HER Breast

As we work with the breasts, as we love the breasts, as we listen to the breasts, as we begin to engage with the breasts, we activate them, and in turn open our heart and unleash our desires. ~ Lisa Schrader, Awakening Shakti This quote was shared on one of my favorite Facebook communities: Sacred Breast 

I feel it – that sensation that ripples all over my body as a post so intimate as this begins to press its way through my fingertips. I can scarcely get the words out fast enough. The vision, the release my own expression brings every time I take what feels to be a ‘risk’ such as this, kisses every cell of mine more and more awake and into fiery passion. I felt it when I wrote The Sacred Orgasm, and I feel it now.

‘And in turn open our heart and unleash our desires.’ Does it give you pause to read this in relationship to breasts? Whether you are male or female – I’m curious how this statement of breasts as gateways to the heart sits within you? 

Ecstasy by Ines Honfi
Ecstasy by Ines Honfi

It feels like a neon sign blinking out what my soul has known to be true for some time now. I wrote an essay paper on it in 2007, after attending a weeklong sacred intensive. What I understood then was how, for me, my breasts have always been on ‘center stage.’ They came out of nowhere with a GRAND entrance when I was just in 4th grade. And they’ve led me into the heart of my self. I was able to sense how my own beloved feline dying of breast cancer at that very time was part of the entire grace dripping over us. 

There is a deep opening that occurs in us as women – in me as a woman – when we allow ourselves to drop old beliefs, programming and lies around the breast. This isn’t just about rejection of pornography which is the perhaps more popular response. I’m talking about how WE as WOMEN feel about OUR OWN breasts. How we see them, how it feels to carry them on our chest, how it feels to breathe life into and through our breasts. There is a distinct sensation that arises when we do that. For some it’s erotic, others feel courage, perhaps a sense of pride in who we know ourselves to be. Some women hold our ‘wild’ there. And by that, I mean the free flowing, untamed and uncensored spirit of our inner core. And as unique as our breasts are, is the same measure of uniqueness each woman feels in the cells of her body about who she is, about how she loves this world and most intimately – how she loves herself. 

Hold this last bit with you – what does it feel like to listen to, engage with and activate your breasts? Do you know? I know. I know what it feels like with my whole body, but most especially in my breasts. It feels alive and awake, it feels like red, hot pulsing passion for all of what my life is, for all of who I am and every beautiful, beating and raw sensation that flows through my body. This is what I know to be true. Our Sacred Blood as women, as the Divine Feminine flows with an intense power through our breasts, our glorious and magnificent gateway to the heart of who we are. 

 

The Sacred Orgasm

I’m certain many of you are with me, so come, let’s take this ride together.

It’s happening for me as we speak, whatever time you’re in, whichever moment you arrive here to read this. As women especially, but I suspect men, too, we have for too long misunderstood its presence. The Sacred Orgasm. We mistake it for that full-body arousal that stirs us mad with sexual desire – and it is. We stuff ourselves full with food that tantalizes our tongue as its deliciousness entices our senses, only to be left hungry. We feel ourselves shaken to the core with utter delight, with the wildness of who we are. It’s here this moment, and let me share with you what it feels like to me.

Now, here, I am alive with fiery love for all of who I am. I look in the mirror of my self and see a stunning beauty, and can’t help but feel the curve of my lips as they smile. She’s radiant. Not simply because of how she looks, but because of the aura she exudes. A seductive fragrance exhales with her breath, calling me deeper into the pool of red, flowing love. She is feminine elegance and grace all at once. As I continue gazing, I see the spark of playfulness in her eye, a spark that can shift from a gentle nature into a deep roaring and ravenous power. This woman’s blood pulses with the deep red hue of creative Flow, so much waiting yet to be birthed through her sacred canals. She is the goddess, here, now, and she lives in the spirit of every woman.

The Last Dance

This is our WILD. Our feminine spirit, ever present and waiting for that moment when the heart is clear and the energy free, when she can become drenched with the liberation of all she is. She fears nothing and is threatened by no one. Comfortable in her sultry skin, she holds her head high, void of shame, ripe with the full potential of her own essence.

She knows who she is. The Sacred Feminine, worshiped by men and women alike, from the start. She has endured much and stands here now in full bodied presence, reclaiming her power once again. Do not be fooled, my loves, for this power isn’t the stuff of dragons and conquest. She is a powerful Creatrix, Mother, Lover. She is masterful in art, poetry, song and lyric, radiantly igniting the canvas with all she is. She stands full in her power.

That’s how it feels, my loves, the Sacred Orgasm. It’s all about being in the moment, the deep space where the heartbeat of life comes to find you and overcomes your entire being.  No longer do I give this away, unaware of its Sacred Presence. The eruption is mine alone, to harness and allow to flow forth from every crevice.

**I’ve got to tell you, after sitting here with my eyes closed and letting this move through my fingertips, I’m in a state of awe. It’s the middle of the afternoon, I’m sipping the most exquisite sweet wine – not something I typically do in the afternoon, and only recently in the evening. A very subtle breeze blows, creating a whisper amongst the leaves here in the backyard and a softness across my skin. The sun is radiant. All of this – being in this space, so filled with joy, with peace and love – writing the way I am, filled with inspiration and in a voice that is my own – feels as though I’ve stepped into another lifetime. I’m weepy with the feel of it. This is who I am – so, so beautifully me. Gentle in the flow of Life, letting Her fill me up and pour out through my elegant voice. I’m honored, I’m wild with desire for this sensation and on fire with burning, sacred love.

Sacred Blood, Holy Grail

It’s not what you might expect, this post. It’s not about the Magdalene or our endless fabled search for the Holy Grail. You may recall I wrote recently about our blood as women, both literally and symbolically. (How Do You Bleed?) What I came to realize as the words poured through my fingertips is how little we have valued our ability to bleed as women first of all, but ever more deeply how much our blood truly represents. We are the mothers, the creators. That word – Creators – really stood out to me. Bear with me, we’re going to connect some dots around this now….

What I’m witnessing within myself and around me in my circles of women is that we are currently undergoing an immense flow of release. For some it’s old family beliefs and ways of being, others are shifting their ‘work’ focus and still others are taking inventory of our creative energies. How are we giving our energy to this world, and are we feeling a drain or a sense of being alive and awakened in those experiences? With the shifts in consciousness that are now rapidly occurring, for those who choose to tune in to the subtleties, there is crystal clarity in coming into our truth. We can FEEL it like never before. We are reconnecting with the beauty of what it is to be a woman on EVERY level – physically, emotionally, intuitively, creatively. This includes our love of nurturing, our ancient gifts of knowing, our deep longing to move in step with the fire of our passion and our sacred gift of creating.

Diwali_The_Festival_of_Lights

This is where the ‘Sacred Blood, Holy Grail’ comes in, my loves. The more we are releasing, allowing ourselves to let go, to move from what no longer feeds the purity of our souls (let’s not forget, this requires taking the time and space to reclaim our purity) – the more we are creating an emptiness, a space through which our blood can freely flow throughout our being – on every level. We are taking ownership of our health, our desires, our love, our sweetness, our power, our feminine presence. OUR BLOOD – the Holy Grail, the chalice of our very existence. We are falling more and more deeply into ourselves, in love with ourselves – seeing ourselves as holy. No more excuses for the way we love, apologies because our body might not be socially acceptable or because we are alluring by our very nature. We are creating whatever our hearts whisper to us, without censorship. We are AWAKE, alive and filled with the fire to wholly embrace our intimate truth.

So I offer to you, my dear friends, this cup from which to drink; to hold reverent our own sacred blood of presence, of coming into this life and perhaps many others as women. Holy, blessed, Sacred Feminine Women. This is our legacy.

I Am the One

I am the one who has said yes over and over and over again
Whose soul will have HER way with me, claiming every last drop
Of who I am

And I am the one who will continue to be laid bare, stripped of all my strongest protections, left only to be ravaged by HER

I am the one whose heart was ripped wide open, left bleeding and clotting on the floor
Whose beauty became darkness, dirtied by those without eyes to see
Including me

And I am the one who will continue to ignite my radiance, steeping in my own ecstatic beauty  

I am the one whose tears would not come, stymied and stifled and stuffed deep inside
Whose longing left holes in her spirit, felt as gaping chasms of emptiness
And pain

And I am the one who will continue to feel every startling sensation, surrendering myself deep into the folds of HER tender caress

I am the one whose words would not form, terrified to hear my own voice speak out loud
Whose whispers were shunned, silenced by fear and beaten down
Into muted submission

And I am the one who will continue to shout and scream and roar, raging and drenched in the fires of passion

Fiery Love

I am the one, the one who will become HER Lover
Aching, sweating, breathing HER in
As over and over and over
My entire being cries out for HER
Yes….
YES…..
YES! 

Take me, feel me, love me, own me, claim me as yours
Brand my most intimate places with your fires
Burn me from the inside out
Ignite every cell of my being
Penetrating, possessing, purifying
Over and over I whisper….
yes. 

Natural Born Beauty

In my quest for authenticity, I thought it was time to let my hair grow ‘natural’ – as in ‘gray.’ It’s about 50/50 dark/gray under the gorgeous, rich brown color I have loved for so long. In my 30’s I did ‘the blonde thing’ for a few years. At the time, it felt a little wild and I liked that. But luxurious brunette is truly who I am and what most makes me feel beautiful.

Little did I know the journey I was about to embark upon by choosing to ‘let the gray grow.’ The whisper of it was exhilarating – riding on the back of the motorcycle with my love, feeling the breeze, fully connecting to the Presence of All That Is. It was as though we were sitting in conversation, SHE and I. As I contemplated a haircut and the sparkle making its way through my roots, I heard HER: ‘Why do you cover up who you are with that ‘muck’ on your head? You are already beautiful. You will simply be MORE beautiful with your gray hair.’ My whole self smiled with the sensation SHE sent my way as I felt HER words ripple through my bodies; it was the sensation of BEAUTIFUL. And so I decided to let the gray come….to stop coloring and ‘covering up’ who I am….and I was excited about it.

Until. The hairdresser suggested that in order to get rid of the dark color, we highlight blonde to begin lightening my hair in order to match the gray tones growing in. I was definitely not thrilled over this, but felt committed to the process. Oh my friends, let me tell you how dark that experience became. I was horrified in seeing my reflection. For three weeks, I tried to fall in love with the woman I saw in the mirror – and have loved for so long. I have known her from the inside and come to love who I am. But as vain as it may sound, I could not feel that love for my own outer beauty with this foreign, frizzy, blonde, ugly hair. Waves of emotion poured through me, as though I became women from lifetimes before who were forced to have their heads shaved and their beauty stripped from them. As the tears flowed, I went deeper and deeper into how much our own natural beauty as a woman DOES matter. It’s part of our feminine essence. We each attach to it in unique ways, we express who we are through the way we dress, wear our hair, put on makeup or not, paint our lashes, adorn our curves and color our lips.

What I realized, my loves, is that I have been this woman who loves beauty all along, only when I witnessed this passion in other women judged rather than embraced them for it. I convinced myself this is not who I am. That I choose to let my natural way of aging, of changing, of becoming to reveal and blossom. Thus – the gray hair. I understood how my own judgment played into the ancient patriarchal wounding of women…..of myself. My outer beauty matters to me, just as much as my inner beauty does. One is not better or more sacred than the other. Without going through this process, I wouldn’t have understood that in quite the way I do now.

me 3.14What I believe SHE was whispering to me was to let go of believing I have to be ONE WAY in order to be authentic. Rather than trying to be something I am not – in love with gray hair that feels dull to my lively personality and passion – HER desire is for me to find what feels beautiful TO ME, AS ME, FOR ME – and to honor it. I’m thrilled to share that yesterday we ‘washed that blonde right out of my hair’ and the natural born beauty of a brunette that I AM is breathing with life once more. I feel amazing – not only because I am beautiful to my own eye, but because through this experience I released so much for myself and for women everywhere. It’s okay to want to be beautiful on the outside too. Somewhere along the way we’ve forgotten that – who we are as beautiful women. Whether we go naturally gray or love the vivacious colors we can play with, wear makeup or feel fresh without it. It doesn’t matter. What matters is that we allow our own voice to express in whatever way she wishes. That we are true to HER call for us.

Your personal invitation to AWAKENING WOMAN