Untrampling Our Masculine

His heart is tender and filled with uncertainty. Have I hurt her? Is she angry with me? Can she love me for who I am?

I can feel the gentle tears his heart cries in the darkness, in moments of time and space when strength and protection has worn itself out and he is vulnerably exposed. I hear his need to be loved, held, cherished. In the core of his being there is a space incomplete without her presence, her love, caress.

He longs to feel her radiance shine over him, warming from the inside out. Too many times being himself has caused a separation, leaving aching emptiness in her absence.

I can see, hear, feel this heart of our masculine. Ravaged by the demands of his women – mothers, grandmothers, wives, lovers – falling short of her expectations that he always be strong, and ‘right’ in the way she desires. He’s left with a constant sense of inability to meet her demands.

The feminine has risen. She is alive and beating with the Goddess Life Force. On her way up, the heart of our masculine has been invisibly trampled upon, quieted. His hunger, his ferocity placed in a box so as to keep women ‘safe.’

And yes…she has been harmed by him over lifetimes. In no way is this dialogue meant to deny what the feminine has endured. We’ve been looking at it, rebelling against it, speaking our truth for decades. Our voice is strong. Our cries have been heard and responded to. And now…

Her charge is to love, honor, receive her masculine.

He needs room to rise again, in all his glory, power, strength – with his tenderness intact. I feel the masculine heart as such sweetness, such deep desire to love and please his Goddess. Her deepest pleasure becomes his greatest joy. His capacity to love, hold, care for her is boundless.

Lovers ~ Anne  D Mejaki
Lovers ~ Anne D Mejaki

The wound is not merely of the masculine upon the feminine. The feminine has bruised and punished and whipped her masculine into a shell of himself. His heart can no longer bear her raging fire. He buries his pain, cracks deep inside his chest – tucked safely away from her reach, from her view even. She feels only his resentment, indifference. The heartache is far from visible and nearly imperceptible.

In our need to balance, the masculine purity has been set aside. Protected, hidden away safely so as not to reap her wrath.

He needs her love. He needs her acceptance, her willingness to see beyond tired misconceptions of what it is to be an awakened man – IN HIS POWER.

In my connections with women, there is a predominant truth: we LOVE the masculine Force. We want him to bring his fire to our bed, his strength and comfort to our tears, his ferocity to match our own. And we thrive on the kiss, the touch – his full penetration of our body, heart, soul.

What I’m feeling is a present need to embrace our men as they are. Draw them close, give the anger and distance room to breathe, for beneath it lies an expansive heart with the desire to simply love and be held in love. Allow time and space to unravel the hurt between our two – masculine and feminine – without pointing fingers, seeking justice, making ‘wrong.’

Come together in sacred space. Open your heart, hold love as you share your deepest fears, most vulnerable hurts and tender, precious truths. Allow there to not be words, answers, resolve. Let Love both dissolve and become the language. Be so intimately present with one another. Feel your hearts rise together. Give room for our history of hurting one another to melt in the heat of holding Love’s intensity.

This is the call of the feminine – my feminine. I have witnessed myself in this time and space – seeing how I disarm the masculine in ways that hurt – often unknowingly. At times I hold him accountable for hurts that are mine, for being the Presence that he is. I’ve asked him to take ownership of my heartache, my joy, my ultimate happiness. It’s not his job. And yet, I find when I give him room to feel his own pure heart, he can so easily hold space for mine.

These energies dance between the dynamic of male/female, but the power we hold centered here is within the relationship of Sacred Feminine and Divine Masculine. The present reality is we are healing together. Our expansion is intermingled. Walking this human life, we are designed to need one another, to love deeply, to feel fully. Our work is to open, to soften, to let the wounds be seen, held, loved – transmuted – in the glowing light of day. One of our greatest powers is making love to change the world. Loving each other with sacred tenderness is our way through.

Becoming Love’s Void

She ebbs and flows ~ deeply, gently, fluently in and out of our heartspace. Her presence draws us further still into the blackened and intense depths of what it is to love, to be loved, to become her very essence. We are meant to give ourselves completely to her, and yet every barrier we have constructed through time and space gives us pause.

Love is a word too easily used in our language. We forget, sometimes, to feel her stirring us into remembering, into becoming spread wide open to receive her, penetrated to the core by her unraveling essence. But when we do, in those glimpses of time where She is ruler of all we think and feel and speak, in the moments we find ourselves lost to the impulses we can no longer hold back – in those beautiful, ecstatic, glorious moments we find ourselves catapulted into another reality, a very different way of being.

It seems all too often the human response is to pull back. Certainly because beneath our layers there breathes a programmed fear of Love’s pure and potent Life Force. Also, I believe, because we fear the void of her absence. In her continual ebb and flow there are spaces in which we feel she has left us–naked, alone, bewildered at the chasm she leaves in her wake. We sink into a state of wondering how we could have soared so high only to seemingly fall so quickly and with such great force.

Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. ~ Rumi 

love

What we are still remembering is She is not only the burning, stirring, blissful state of passion and expression. Love remains present in the void. In fact – She IS the void. She pulls us close as we enter into that seeming state of emptiness, of lack, of loneliness that leaves us longing for her return yet again. She is there, ever so gently rocking us, caressing and kissing our most tender places and remembering us into opening to her once again.

What is true, my friends, is Love is the very power of unbecoming. She breaks us wide open, pouring the dripping honey of her warmth into every barren crack and dry crevice. And even in the quiet, the stillness and illusory absence of her – she is there, stroking, breathing, loving us into yielding to her embrace.

So many of us have this rhythmic relationship with Love, unaware still of just how present and masterful she truly is. We’re unaccustomed to her subtle tones, the ones that beckon us to come into her, to surrender fully to her, even in those places we keep most protected for fear they become broken open and bleeding yet again.

Become her void. In the space where there is the sensation of love’s absence, call to her, giving all you are, all you have to the offering of your shared intercourse. She waits for you too, longing to feel you, to be given all the room she needs to inhabit your heart and movement in total. This is her deepest desire – to become one with you, to sensually move together through each ebb and flow. Let her come and devour you, satiating her hunger and yours in whatever way she will.

‘I Started My Bleeding Today.’

It’s not something we often hear or even imagine one woman saying to another. Instead there are sentiments of ‘Ugh, I got my period today.’ Or ‘I hate my period.’ Bit of a sad statement considering as women we bleed every month for much of our lives.

I envision a space where one woman can say to another ‘I started my bleeding today’ with a deep sense of her self, of her body, her holiness and the gift she is to be able to release every month what is no longer needed within her being. I imagine the woman to whom she is speaking responding with such warmth and honoring, with the consciousness of how uniquely coded our blood truly is, of all it carries–opens–awakens within us.

The time of our bleeding is one of deep power. It holds a thread that connects us to every other woman who is living or has ever walked on this Earth. We are bonded together through our blood, through our ability to give life in all forms, through our Divine Feminine lineage and legacy.

karol bak red
Artist Karol Bak 

We are given this space every month in which to become still, fully present with our bodies. It becomes necessary for us to shift the ‘usual’ course of our lives, our activities, our eating habits, our emotions. Our bodies taking on fully the role of master as they orchestrate yet another great unveiling of the power we carry inside.

I wish for every woman to feel the sacredness present in her time of bleeding. I wish for her to share her experience with another woman who can hold a holy space of honoring her for the great Goddess and Creator she is.  I wish for each woman to sink deep into herself with a knowing of the wisdom, creativity, nurturing, grace and beauty her blood offers to her.

The more we are able to tune into our bodies, our hearts, our wombs as women who bleed, the more aware we are of how this time works with us on a very unique and individual level. We begin to sense our time before the signs ever arrive. We notice the way our bodies gently and masterfully guide us into our own essence and the reverence of all we are.

Consider as a woman how it might feel to embrace this intimate and transformative sanctuary within yourself. Consider as a man how you can even more fully honor the women of your life with an open conversation and willingness to be present with her own personal story and experience around her bleeding. There is a beautiful and stunning unveiling awaiting us all in the conversation – of this I am certain. We have much to unlearn, unravel and awaken.

Related posts:

How Do You Bleed

Sacred Blood, Holy Grail

Deepening the Layers

Sexuality is a Sacred Language

I was talking recently with a love of mine about my writing, specifically this next book I’m working on and its relationship to sexuality. With a gentle spirit, she suggested that perhaps I try writing from a place that isn’t about sexuality, so as not to ‘scare people’ away with that discussion. Although my initial response was to refute her words, to sink deep into the sensual and sexual nature I have labored so long and hard to fully liberate and claim as my own – I instead took pause and pondered her thoughts.

It leaves me with this: Does your sexuality scare you? Does mine? Are we still in a state of fearing ourselves, our expression, our gift to sense and connect on such intimate levels?

I feel there is so much more to ‘sexuality’ than what we know in our modern language or dictionaries. Look into any source of our time and it has to do with intercourse, with the physical body only. I wonder though – is that it?

sensual woman

My entire being responds with so much more. Contemplating the ancient wisdom and truths long before shame and guilt tainted our vocabulary, our bodies, our minds – it feels our sexuality is deeply connected with the very core and essence of who we are.

‘Sexuality’ has an entirely different sensation when felt through the heart. Our hunger to be sexually intimate comes from the heart, although it may be continually felt in the body – the call is of the heart. Our heart is our greatest power center. What rings true in that space is what moves us through life.

Feel the presence of your own sexuality – on every level. It comes as an awakening through the body. An increase in heartbeat, indicating increase in heart presence – if we allow it. The ancient temple priestess (also known in our time as the sacred prostitute) was the sexual, erotic, physical channel and manifestation of the Goddess. What did sexuality feel like in her body and being?

An expression of her holiness, of how she feels her self, her lover, her heart and this world. An expression of her heart’s love affair with the Beloved – the Divine. 

Sexuality is a sacred language of love in its purest form. It feels like a continual wave of warmth, of renewal and awakening in her body, her cells, her core, her soul. She became filled with the juice that is the ‘blood’ of our knowing, our sensing. This is the blood – the Life Force and flow of our journey, our existence and expression. It contains life, death, rebirth. It holds the powers of healing, creating, awakening, unifying. All of this is our sexuality, only we haven’t known this expression, this vocabulary of the ancient Goddess.

Our sexuality is so much a part of our expression as human beings. How does one untangle it from all we are? To separate ourselves from our sexuality, to be frightened of its conversation, Life Force and presence is to fear who we truly are.

I sense this is only the start of a very lengthy conversation. There is so much more we have yet to explore and discover in our nature, in our sexuality as an expression of who we are.

 

My Body is a Prayer

My body is a prayer
Uttered, whispered
In deep moans of pleasure
With sighs of ecstasy

She is Holiest of Holies
Sacred temple space
Innermost chalice
Bearing crimson wine

My body is a prayer
Heart beating
In rhythm to All That Is
Pulse ripened
In her own unbecoming

Promised in the kiss of her lips
Cradled in the arms of her embrace
Nestled in the crevice of her legs
Infused in the ambrosia of her nectar

Voice of the Divine
Goddess in the flesh
Aphrodite glistening
Through lush feminine folds

My body is a prayer
Ever present lovemaking
To all breath of Life
Broken open, fully bared
By thrusts of holy Love

body prayer silverwitch

With equal measure
She inhales
And exhales
Beauty of her Presence

My body is a prayer
Consumed in continual reverence
Caressed by the taste of Eros
Penetrated fully
By the heated flow of Grace

My body is a prayer
Offering herself
Again and again
To her Beloved

 

 

Captivating Beauty

It seems for women especially the mere mention of ‘beauty’ carries so many triggers. We move through times of believing it doesn’t or shouldn’t matter at all. In other moments it feels to be what matters the most. Upon seeing our reflection in the mirror we sometimes believe the physical beauty of ourselves is the total sum of our value. And there are occasions when we catch a glimpse of our reflection and sink deep into the essence of our true beauty, understanding and seeing at once how it glimmers through our skin to reveal the most intimate and sacred parts of who we are.

‘Beauty’ and the desire for it, the nurturing of it has for many women become a dirty word. I wonder how this relates for our male counterparts? How does beauty compute in the interior of the man’s sensual nature?

I myself shunned my own physical beauty in its entirety for several years. There were very real and painful life circumstances that led me to such total feminine abandonment of myself, and yet I believed it to be the most kind thing I could do. Interestingly, even as I share this conversation with you now I can hear some of the old rumblings that lead women to feeling guilt and shame over the ways we love and adorn ourselves.

Beauty quote

There’s a natural desire to feel our full feminine sensuality. We do so through the feel of the clothes we choose to place against our skin. Through the fragrances we allow to seep into and through our pores. We each carry our own natural, very sweet scent for those who are close enough to breathe us in deeply. Our hair is for many of us an expression and carrier of our soul’s magic. The colors and styles we wear serve as indicators of our inner truth, our present mood and as a statement of how we engage this world.

With all the rage against the very overstated beauty industry, we have perhaps forgotten the nuance of what our true beauty is. It’s not merely on the inside as so many would have us to believe. When we pause and truly take in the essence of a woman, allowing that in fact her appearance–the ways in which she presents and holds herself–is an exterior, visual statement of her inner essence, we gain a pure sense of her true beauty. For beauty flows through her pores, spilling over into the outer layer of her human body. Beauty, dear loves, is not merely ‘spiritual,’ but very, very physical as well.

It’s in our natural programming to become drawn to beauty in all her forms. Yes, we each have our own unique taste and desire when it comes to our attractions, but it remains true we all carry and respond to the allure of beauty herself.

It took a few years for me to feel her nudging once again, to welcome beauty into my life beyond the esoteric and yes, very ‘safe’ manifestation of her presence. The more I saw and felt my true self, the more I remembered who I am and invited the sensation of all the beauty that is me. We do great harm to our being when we lock beauty into one way of walking in this world. It would do us well to become unraveled in her presence, to expand and petition Beauty herself to penetrate our senses, announcing her arrival and desire to be seen, felt and heard on every level of all we are. I sense she has much to arouse in us yet.

 

I Fell in Love With My Ovaries Today

We’ve lost the art of loving ourselves through the ages of time and patriarchy. Rather than wholeheartedly embracing and feeling the power, the beauty, the grace, the majesty of our bodies, we began to shut it all down placing our Life Force on hold. We shrank inside ourselves as all ways of the Divine Feminine were silenced in fear and shame.

I’ve been listening to a series entitled Female Sexual Soul Healing offered by Leyolah Antara of Kundalini Dance – and to say it’s transforming would be a huge understatement. The session I listened to today was ‘Ovaries.’

I’m not sure many of us have ever connected with our bodies in this deep way – to feel, sense, love and feel loved by the energetic and physical matter of who we are. It’s not simply about a body part, but all the experiences, energies, exchanges, beliefs, patterns and subsequent reinforcements they carry. When we open into relationship with our body, with our sexual organs specifically, we unlock a power that has for most of us, been hushed and darkened our entire lives.

Sensual Feminine

In a deephearted conversation with one I love last night, I heard myself saying – owning – fervently out loud ‘I MATTER.’ It’s not a statement we’re prone to allowing ourselves to feel in its fullness, nor to dare speak aloud. It carries old vibrations of selfishness and believing we’re better than we really are. Not so in the ovarian palace. In this space of a woman’s body there is a regal worship and honoring of all she is. Her intuitive senses are embraced, cherished and held in the highest regard. Her worth as a woman radiates with crystal clarity. Her presence and grace in this world, her ability to bring love and healing through her very own Life Force breathes a power that is both understood and wholly welcomed and loved here.

This series is changing me, cleansing me of what has been stored in my body, my dna, and the energetic and physical bodies of women for lifetimes. It’s potent, and with each of the 11 sessions moves deeper and deeper into the heart of what it is to embody, to immerse ourselves in the Divine Feminine. I’m only at the halfway point and there is a stirring in my being that is outside anything my mind could begin to conjure up or create. The energy is real, the healing so very gentle with a cosmic expansion of our purest essence and holy presence.

Today I fell in love with my ovaries as though we were meeting for the first time. I saw and felt their love, their beauty, and the pulsing, sacred breath of life they are. I experienced their connection to my heart, my womb (center of the ovarian palace) and my creativity. These sessions are a sinking into who we are as women, not only from the ancient threads of our existence, but through this moment in time where even more of our feminine creativity, love, healing and compassion are present and available to us.

I’ve seen several offerings from Leyolah over these last few years, and even felt a pull to a couple; albeit a pull that never fully drew me in. Upon reading about and feeling into this series, I was immediately compelled to take part. My 21 days will be stretched over time, and sometimes I listen to the sessions out of order – honoring my intuitive senses and the pull of my own body. This – the beauty and art of being a woman, of listening and responding ever so gently and lovingly to the call of our own inner truth – this is the inner alchemy in which I am immersing myself completely.