Dancing with the Longing

A beautiful soul friend and I talked recently about the continual presence and cycle of the ‘longing.’ It takes many forms, love, let me assure you of that. It can be a ‘hunger’ for food that delights and satisfies. Often it arrives as an intimate desire of the most heated sexual kind. There are moments it’s simply an ache to FEEL the sensation of being loved, of being seen, known, adored, witnessed, cherished. Any of these can be the language of love and Her counterpart, of longing.

What I feel in myself is the truth of this Sacred Call from deep within our Souls is we are Made to Love. By our very design, we have been formed with receptors continually seeking and feeling their way to that love sensation. They carry the knowing of what it is to feel alive and awake, to become stimulated with the ancient mysteries of life, to dance, become drunk and make love with the most sensual lovers. These lovers are many. They are the desires of our hearts, our souls and YES our bodies. The longing lives in every pore of our existence.

Goddess Life Force

We have been taught ‘spiritually’ that we as human beings are falsely seeking fulfillment for that longing through earthly pleasures – for some, the beauty of being a woman and even a man who loves the aesthetics of this body. Sitting down to savor a most delicious meal. Soaking in the warmth and softness of a hot tub. Being deeply kissed and held by our lovers. Wearing something that makes you feel more fully the beauty of who you are.

I say these are not ‘shallow’ substitutes for that longing. While the deep desire to connect, to feel alive, experiencing the blood pulsing hot with life and desire for MORE is absolutely a beckoning of our souls, there are many ways in which we respond. Listening to music that moves us. Or even music that allows for the tears we long to weep to become free and flowing, dripping into a puddle on our own laps or falling sweetly on the shoulder of one who loves and holds us.

This longing is part of who we are, of who we have come here to be. Your heart and soul know from whence you come and will forever be calling you back to that beautiful, love-filled place that is your own Sacred HOME. We take on the form of a body to remind us of that longing, to allow us to feel the sensation of DESIRE, yes, even of lust, aching, pleasure, hunger…this so that we can then soak in the satiated ecstasy of what it is to fully FEEL all of our selves.

This, loves, this is the longing. This is why and how it ebbs and flows. We feel ourselves become filled, only to empty and await the surge of our lovers, of our selves as our own lover, once again. It is a mystical, holy dance in which we become engaged, and through which we find more and more of the pure, glowing Light that Is HER.

I believe we each experience this through the grace that is our own soul, and am curious how it feels for each of us. For me, so very sensual, and at times, fiery. Others, it’s the the soothe I long to feel.

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Baring HER Breast

As we work with the breasts, as we love the breasts, as we listen to the breasts, as we begin to engage with the breasts, we activate them, and in turn open our heart and unleash our desires. ~ Lisa Schrader, Awakening Shakti This quote was shared on one of my favorite Facebook communities: Sacred Breast 

I feel it – that sensation that ripples all over my body as a post so intimate as this begins to press its way through my fingertips. I can scarcely get the words out fast enough. The vision, the release my own expression brings every time I take what feels to be a ‘risk’ such as this, kisses every cell of mine more and more awake and into fiery passion. I felt it when I wrote The Sacred Orgasm, and I feel it now.

‘And in turn open our heart and unleash our desires.’ Does it give you pause to read this in relationship to breasts? Whether you are male or female – I’m curious how this statement of breasts as gateways to the heart sits within you? 

Ecstasy by Ines Honfi
Ecstasy by Ines Honfi

It feels like a neon sign blinking out what my soul has known to be true for some time now. I wrote an essay paper on it in 2007, after attending a weeklong sacred intensive. What I understood then was how, for me, my breasts have always been on ‘center stage.’ They came out of nowhere with a GRAND entrance when I was just in 4th grade. And they’ve led me into the heart of my self. I was able to sense how my own beloved feline dying of breast cancer at that very time was part of the entire grace dripping over us. 

There is a deep opening that occurs in us as women – in me as a woman – when we allow ourselves to drop old beliefs, programming and lies around the breast. This isn’t just about rejection of pornography which is the perhaps more popular response. I’m talking about how WE as WOMEN feel about OUR OWN breasts. How we see them, how it feels to carry them on our chest, how it feels to breathe life into and through our breasts. There is a distinct sensation that arises when we do that. For some it’s erotic, others feel courage, perhaps a sense of pride in who we know ourselves to be. Some women hold our ‘wild’ there. And by that, I mean the free flowing, untamed and uncensored spirit of our inner core. And as unique as our breasts are, is the same measure of uniqueness each woman feels in the cells of her body about who she is, about how she loves this world and most intimately – how she loves herself. 

Hold this last bit with you – what does it feel like to listen to, engage with and activate your breasts? Do you know? I know. I know what it feels like with my whole body, but most especially in my breasts. It feels alive and awake, it feels like red, hot pulsing passion for all of what my life is, for all of who I am and every beautiful, beating and raw sensation that flows through my body. This is what I know to be true. Our Sacred Blood as women, as the Divine Feminine flows with an intense power through our breasts, our glorious and magnificent gateway to the heart of who we are. 

 

I Am the One

I am the one who has said yes over and over and over again
Whose soul will have HER way with me, claiming every last drop
Of who I am

And I am the one who will continue to be laid bare, stripped of all my strongest protections, left only to be ravaged by HER

I am the one whose heart was ripped wide open, left bleeding and clotting on the floor
Whose beauty became darkness, dirtied by those without eyes to see
Including me

And I am the one who will continue to ignite my radiance, steeping in my own ecstatic beauty  

I am the one whose tears would not come, stymied and stifled and stuffed deep inside
Whose longing left holes in her spirit, felt as gaping chasms of emptiness
And pain

And I am the one who will continue to feel every startling sensation, surrendering myself deep into the folds of HER tender caress

I am the one whose words would not form, terrified to hear my own voice speak out loud
Whose whispers were shunned, silenced by fear and beaten down
Into muted submission

And I am the one who will continue to shout and scream and roar, raging and drenched in the fires of passion

Fiery Love

I am the one, the one who will become HER Lover
Aching, sweating, breathing HER in
As over and over and over
My entire being cries out for HER
Yes….
YES…..
YES! 

Take me, feel me, love me, own me, claim me as yours
Brand my most intimate places with your fires
Burn me from the inside out
Ignite every cell of my being
Penetrating, possessing, purifying
Over and over I whisper….
yes. 

All I Have to Bare

Let me feel You in my pores
Sweet essence of Love
Washing out all over me

I want to feel Love as though She were an ocean
Her rhythm riding me as a gentle storm
To close my eyes and merge into You

And when I close my eyes
I feel your Love as a Wave that crashes over me
Pulling me, dragging me under
Without breath
Or thought
Or care

Sweet abandon
Release
My own undoing
Release

Stripping away every last shred of resistance
My dignity left lying on Your floor

All I have to bare is me
Beautiful breasts await Your Breath
The heat of sweet lips open to meet Your Tender Kisses 
Arms wide in surrender, giving all of my self to You

I want to feel Your gaze upon my sex
Drinking her in
Tasting her
Losing yourself in Her dark cavernous Light of Beckoning

sensuality

I want to know how it feels for you to be inside of me
Pressing
Opening

‘Just a little bit more my darling’
You whisper with each new entry into my Feminine folds
My lips are wet with the taste of You

Leaving me longing for more
Hungry for Your Touch
Desirous of our Bodies to connect once again

Pausing only to see into the spirit of each other
Becoming both the Seer and the Seen
Burning in the fiery gaze of a soul’s lust
For HER within and from each other
Our intimacy formed perfectly
Fit together as though designed

I love to feel You
From the inside out
To know Your presence 
Even before You come

My soul longs to feel Your penetration 
Ever more deeply, sweetly, fiercely 

I am laid bare
Spread wide apart
Open, waiting, calling You to me
Hungry for all that only You can bring

I am yours oh Beloved One
I am yours

How Do You Bleed?

I feel there is something unexplored in women that only a woman can understand. ~ Georgia O’Keefe

This quote crossed my awareness last night, and because I love Georgia O’Keefe so much, it gave me pause. I brought it into some of my sacred circles of women to explore a bit more. What I’ve found within myself is a deep well of connection to what remains unexplored in us. Perhaps it’s our own Creative Force that we keep quiet, subdued, manageable lest we be seen as crazy, out there, or gone over the edge. We’ve lived through lifetimes of being laughed at, tormented and even considered ‘hysterical’ just because of how deeply and passionately we feel.

As I have let myself FEEL into what this stirs in my own body and remembrance, I sense that what is unexplored in women may look different on each one of us. And yet, at it’s core is quite possibly the same. We are naturally designed with a womb of creation. From that womb, we nurture and give life. What allows us to do so is connected to a monthly bleeding and shedding of our uterine walls to continually prepare for that Life. If we consider that what is unexplored in each of us is the passion, the Force that whispers to us, that speaks to us in the most loving and sensitive ways, and at times in a fiery and fierce voice of pulsing sensation–then would not the ‘unexplored’ in each of us be our own Sacred Blood?

pink and red

There is so much here, I feel I can’t quite grasp how to express it. Our Creative Force, our passion, our longing, our deepest soul feeling and purpose – live in our physical and feminine BLOOD. The obvious menstrual blood aside, just envision for a moment the feeling of blood pumping through your body and the sensations that can impact that flow. When we feel most intensely something as true in our entire being, whether it’s fear, passion, desire, excitement, heartache – you can FEEL that in your heart, in the very way your blood moves through you. You can SENSE that you are alive, even in the moments you may not wish to be so.

Stepping deeper into it – how we FEEL and experience Life, how we Create and Offer ourselves to this world – is that not how we BLEED? Both symbolically and quite literally? And yet, one of the last things women are talking about and inviting into their lives is their flow, conversation about how sacred it is that we DO have a Flow of Blood. We’ve forgotten the sacredness of what this means to us. We’ve lost the precious care of ourselves as Creators of Life. We no longer see our ability to BLEED as something precious, to be honored.

There are ancient practices of women holding ceremony and allowing their blood to seep into the earth beneath them. These women understood their bodies harbored something so holy and powerful as to cherish and honor it. WE recognized the power of our ability to bleed and to bring life and healing through our blood.

And so what this quote has brought to me is this question: How do YOU bleed? Whether you look through the lens of your Creative Force, your Passion, and/or your Physical Body and the actual cycle of menstruation. As a woman who carries ancient sacred lineage, how do you bleed? And with whom will you explore this aspect of being Woman?

Her Invitation

Just a week ago a friend indicated that I was keeping myself a bit in the background with my work through Sacred Circle Retreats. Well, she more than indicated – she flat out said so. I could feel she was right, however replied that I’m not feeling called to lead any particular groups or bring something through that space as a guide myself. And I meant it.

Within about three days time, that all came to a screeching HALT! Very little of what felt like actual effort occurred, although some very powerful, Sacred-Feminine-infused conversations transpired and Viola! – I’m now preparing to lead my first ever ‘event.’ My mind, that old recording we all have, wants to keep butting in: ‘Ahem, shouldn’t you be nervous? Do you really think you have something to say about this? Are you even going to be able to keep your thoughts and your self together? You’re terrified of your own voice. Seriously?!’ Nothing happens. No freak out, no physical response from my body to include heart palpitations, sweating in my armpits – NOTHING. She cannot and does not validate that old story. Because it’s no longer true.

'Spiritually Centered' by Karen Zima
‘Spiritually Centered’ by Karen Zima

What IS true is that I’m very excited about this. As soon as I said yes to Her invitation to step out, to speak up, to let my heart’s whispers take the lead, there was a very clear guiding path laid out before me. I could see and feel Her so clearly, illuminating from the center of my soul.

As part of the Awakening Woman series that has been so much of my vision for several years now, I’ll be joining this gorgeous group of five women (now six) and the stories and gifts they have to share. Not only will my senses be stirred through each one of them, but I will bring that inner stirring to those who are present and taking part. The focus for my session is (uhuh, you guessed it) sensuality. And the deeper I delve into this truth through my own body’s wisdom and ancient knowing, the more I discover this is NOT about sex. For too long, sensuality has become synonymous with ‘dirty’ sexuality. I was shocked and disgusted to find these definitions of sensual on Dictionary.com:

sen·su·al

adjective

1. pertaining to, inclined to, or preoccupied with the gratification of the senses or appetites; carnal;fleshly.
2. lacking in moral restraints; lewd or unchaste.
3. arousing or exciting the senses or appetites.
4. worldly; materialistic; irreligious.

 
The most accurate description here is #3, and even that does the true essence of sensual very little justice. It’s time for us to speak up in favor of what our hearts, our souls, our bodies know to be true. Sensuality is not a dirty word. There is a fire and a beauty intermingling in my being around this conversation, and I’m very much looking forward to radiating on Her behalf in my upcoming session: Invoking HER Sensuality.

All are welcome to join, if you feel so called. I’m elated to be offering this series and my own personal contribution. Our world needs to remember, we need to dissolve the programming we feel from the patriarchal energies–both within and without. It’s our time, Beloveds. It’s our time….

Details on Awakening Woman:
Crossing the Drawbridge article posted today
Awakening Woman Event Page 

Resurrecting Venus

‘There’s never nothing going on.’ ~ Socrates, Peaceful Warrior

As part of all that is shifting in my interior life, I feel called to return to the practice of keeping a Sacred Journal. Irish Mystic Poet John O’Donohue speaking on the subject of Beauty, described this practice as having a beautiful journal in which to keep the golden threads of our lives, the most precious moments that do not need to be explained or described, only to be felt and cherished. Sera Beak talks of her Red Journal in which she engages with the ultra passionate RED of her own Red Lady. I sensed a piece of myself, of my longing, in each of these. And in addition, am at a time when there feels to be so much stirring, coming in, moving up and out that there are droplets and waves of beauty and passion in so many of life’s moments.

My Sacred Journal

With this in mind, I pulled out a journal from years ago – six years ago. The cover is leather, embossed with the scene from Botticelli’s ‘La Primavera,’ including the Three Graces, and Venus as its center focal point. While there’s much discussion around just what Botticelli intended to convey, one can really never know, and as with most beautiful and sensual art, the interpretation is up to the observer. Here’s what came to/for me:

Venus – Goddess of Love

Three Graces – Chastity, Beauty, Love

Cupid ~ Shooting his arrows of Love

Springtime ~ Season of Love and Fertility

Botticelli-La-Primavera

While there is certainly so much more happening in this painting, there is for me a clear theme of Love, Beauty, Grace. And these are the energies that stir change in my life. A dear friend shared a passage from one of her books with me this morning. The first sentence struck me immediately and still sits within my awareness:

‘Let your longing lead you, not defeat you.’

It feels like for so long, my longing, that desire to feel more, to love more, to sink deeper and deeper into the beauty of what it is to surrender fully into the energies of love, of passion, of beauty and grace–for so long that longing has taken on an ugliness. The desire has been quieted, squelched to ashes, with barely a smolder left in its wake. We are not meant to quiet what is most natural in us. And those who would turn it into ugliness (including our own selves) lack understanding of the beauty in its presence. The veil is lifting, dear ones, and we are each in our own ways coming to a much purer, more Divine and intimate understanding of who we are. The very passion that has been with me since I was a child, the longing to merge and connect with others is what is meant to lead me into my own truth, my beautiful, sensual, radiant self and my sacred purpose in this life.

In painting Venus, Botticelli resurrected subject matter that had not been explored for nearly 1000 years.

I’m opening her pages once again. This time ready to pour myself out without judgment and with a greater sense of who I am. This time the energy is less about navigating my wounds in search of wholeness and more about letting myself be in the presence of Love and Beauty. The Three Graces have filled my senses yet again. They have secrets to share. Venus is alive and well–and SHE is ready to be fully integrated into our contemporary world. And I am Her willing partner, ready to welcome Her into every fiber of my being. 

‘You cannot forge a relationship with the living Goddess by living in the past. Be with Her now.’ ~ Peter Grey, The Red Goddess