‘I Started My Bleeding Today.’

It’s not something we often hear or even imagine one woman saying to another. Instead there are sentiments of ‘Ugh, I got my period today.’ Or ‘I hate my period.’ Bit of a sad statement considering as women we bleed every month for much of our lives.

I envision a space where one woman can say to another ‘I started my bleeding today’ with a deep sense of her self, of her body, her holiness and the gift she is to be able to release every month what is no longer needed within her being. I imagine the woman to whom she is speaking responding with such warmth and honoring, with the consciousness of how uniquely coded our blood truly is, of all it carries–opens–awakens within us.

The time of our bleeding is one of deep power. It holds a thread that connects us to every other woman who is living or has ever walked on this Earth. We are bonded together through our blood, through our ability to give life in all forms, through our Divine Feminine lineage and legacy.

karol bak red
Artist Karol Bak 

We are given this space every month in which to become still, fully present with our bodies. It becomes necessary for us to shift the ‘usual’ course of our lives, our activities, our eating habits, our emotions. Our bodies taking on fully the role of master as they orchestrate yet another great unveiling of the power we carry inside.

I wish for every woman to feel the sacredness present in her time of bleeding. I wish for her to share her experience with another woman who can hold a holy space of honoring her for the great Goddess and Creator she is.  I wish for each woman to sink deep into herself with a knowing of the wisdom, creativity, nurturing, grace and beauty her blood offers to her.

The more we are able to tune into our bodies, our hearts, our wombs as women who bleed, the more aware we are of how this time works with us on a very unique and individual level. We begin to sense our time before the signs ever arrive. We notice the way our bodies gently and masterfully guide us into our own essence and the reverence of all we are.

Consider as a woman how it might feel to embrace this intimate and transformative sanctuary within yourself. Consider as a man how you can even more fully honor the women of your life with an open conversation and willingness to be present with her own personal story and experience around her bleeding. There is a beautiful and stunning unveiling awaiting us all in the conversation – of this I am certain. We have much to unlearn, unravel and awaken.

Related posts:

How Do You Bleed

Sacred Blood, Holy Grail

Deepening the Layers

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Captivating Beauty

It seems for women especially the mere mention of ‘beauty’ carries so many triggers. We move through times of believing it doesn’t or shouldn’t matter at all. In other moments it feels to be what matters the most. Upon seeing our reflection in the mirror we sometimes believe the physical beauty of ourselves is the total sum of our value. And there are occasions when we catch a glimpse of our reflection and sink deep into the essence of our true beauty, understanding and seeing at once how it glimmers through our skin to reveal the most intimate and sacred parts of who we are.

‘Beauty’ and the desire for it, the nurturing of it has for many women become a dirty word. I wonder how this relates for our male counterparts? How does beauty compute in the interior of the man’s sensual nature?

I myself shunned my own physical beauty in its entirety for several years. There were very real and painful life circumstances that led me to such total feminine abandonment of myself, and yet I believed it to be the most kind thing I could do. Interestingly, even as I share this conversation with you now I can hear some of the old rumblings that lead women to feeling guilt and shame over the ways we love and adorn ourselves.

Beauty quote

There’s a natural desire to feel our full feminine sensuality. We do so through the feel of the clothes we choose to place against our skin. Through the fragrances we allow to seep into and through our pores. We each carry our own natural, very sweet scent for those who are close enough to breathe us in deeply. Our hair is for many of us an expression and carrier of our soul’s magic. The colors and styles we wear serve as indicators of our inner truth, our present mood and as a statement of how we engage this world.

With all the rage against the very overstated beauty industry, we have perhaps forgotten the nuance of what our true beauty is. It’s not merely on the inside as so many would have us to believe. When we pause and truly take in the essence of a woman, allowing that in fact her appearance–the ways in which she presents and holds herself–is an exterior, visual statement of her inner essence, we gain a pure sense of her true beauty. For beauty flows through her pores, spilling over into the outer layer of her human body. Beauty, dear loves, is not merely ‘spiritual,’ but very, very physical as well.

It’s in our natural programming to become drawn to beauty in all her forms. Yes, we each have our own unique taste and desire when it comes to our attractions, but it remains true we all carry and respond to the allure of beauty herself.

It took a few years for me to feel her nudging once again, to welcome beauty into my life beyond the esoteric and yes, very ‘safe’ manifestation of her presence. The more I saw and felt my true self, the more I remembered who I am and invited the sensation of all the beauty that is me. We do great harm to our being when we lock beauty into one way of walking in this world. It would do us well to become unraveled in her presence, to expand and petition Beauty herself to penetrate our senses, announcing her arrival and desire to be seen, felt and heard on every level of all we are. I sense she has much to arouse in us yet.

 

Addiction or Seduction?

Seen positively, seduction is a synonym for the act of charming someone — male or female — by an appeal to the senses, often with the goal of reducing unfounded fears and leading to their “sexual emancipation”. ~ Wikipedia

While I don’t agree seduction is limited to male/female initiation, nor that leads to emancipation of only our sexuality, I love what this quote conveys. Seduction is a doorway to liberation; to unveiling some hidden part of ourselves – our true selves. Seduction is a mystical substance. I realize that’s a bold statement, but it’s one of which I am certain. And I believe all acts of seduction have the power to lead us into a deeper state of love – love in its pure, universal form.

I’m no expert on addiction. So what I’m going to share here comes from my own inner truth and personal experience. I’m quite certain there are many who might label me an addict. Addicted to delicious food, to incredible sexual interludes, to afternoons indulging in movies on my couch, to a glass of wine in the evening, to beauty, even to my own spiritual journey. The list can go on and on. Perhaps I’m ‘addicted’ to my own way of walking in this world.

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I don’t believe that’s true. I’m not an addict. And I don’t believe many who have been labeled as such are either. For myself, I have moved from depending on these things to make me happy into a state of understanding they feed the longing of my senses. It’s my SENSES that call to me, that seduce me into a different way of being. In so doing, the seduction frees old ways of seeing my self, of believing that pleasure is bad or wrong and abstinence or ‘everything in moderation’ is good. I can’t find my way to feeling that as true in my being.

There was a time in my life I would certainly have been tagged – and have been – an addict. To sex. To partying. To eating. I began to judge them as wrong. The more I have liberated the old lies inside of me and tuned into what MY own truth is, the more I realize part of who I am personally is a lover of the pleasures of life. They connect me to my own inner passion. They stir something inside me that becomes a channel to the sacred. They open doors that have for too long been closed in judgment of being something ‘wrong.’

So I ask you, my friends. Is it seduction into a different way of being with ourselves, into a deeper relation to our senses and the mystical portal they offer? Or is it addiction that has a death grip on our survival and well being? Feel the difference of these two. Sink into the energy they ARE and feel what they evoke in your BODY. Our bodies do not lie. They are the greatest receptors of our own personal truth there is.

This post originated through conversation with a beloved friend over the phrase ‘Seduced by Love.’ I began to write of that and somehow ended up here. Seduced by Love felt so fluffy and overused. I believe we need to come to a new way of relating to the art of seduction, to its energy and presence in our world, our lives, our passion. We have feared its existence for too long.

From the Diary of a Sensual Woman

Sensuality is about FEELING, sinking into our senses, allowing pleasure to penetrate us fully and tingle through every cell in our body. It’s about becoming the energy of whatever you are engaging, so much so that a merging occurs and you are no longer separate. Sensual energy ‘wakes up’ the fullness of who we are, seducing us to move deeper and deeper into the ecstatic state of euphoric heart stimulation.

I am a sensual woman, deep into the core of my being. The more I acknowledge and embrace that truth, the more I am immersed into the sacredness of its presence. Allowing myself to speak the language, feel the vibrations, walk the walk and ‘talk the talk’ is more and more opening me up to what it IS to be a sensual woman.

'Desire' by Lauri Blank
‘Desire’ by Lauri Blank

Let me, for a moment, tell you what it is not. It’s not an open invitation for either male or female to assume I desire to be sexual with you. It’s not a statement that I am soliciting sexual comments or activity. It’s not about flaunting myself or hanging a sign outside my door that says ‘always open to lewdness.’

It’s sacred, my friends. It comes from the center of my heart. It’s aroused by connection to something that moves me, that stirs me from the deepest place inside myself. In my younger years, it was strictly outside of me, because I couldn’t grasp the enormity of who I am. I couldn’t begin to relate to sensuality being nothing about sex and everything about the heart. Because in our world, we get it wrong. We confuse the two. And I am here to assist us in dropping the weighted view of our sensuality as well as the warped sense of sexuality we have inherited. I am here to show you how holy it is to sink into our senses, to feel everything – including our beautiful way of being sexual in this world – but from the INSIDE OUT.

So please, do not assume I want to engage in continual sexual innuendo. If you don’t whisper or ignite a fire in my heart as well as my body, ours is an empty connection.

Sexuality. This is Your Conscience.

These were the words accompanying this image, linking it to a post apparently no longer visible. The words and image alone stirred something inside myself. Sexuality has a conscience? What does that look like or mean?

What it felt like inside me, this sensual pairing of words and visual imagery, was yet another layer of liberating the censorship and darkening of our sexuality. It felt like setting her free, letting her breathe and dance and become drunk on her own self, lost in the ecstatic bliss of falling into love with being love, making love, becoming love. Too many barriers to doing so. Too much judgment and labeling of what is right and what is wrong. Overload of illusion and lies.

golden shoes

 

It’s changing though, shifting course with rapid and fiery pace. Are you experiencing it? Perhaps it’s especially potent for me, having stuffed, quieted and barely recognized my own sexuality all these years. We came into this life knowing one another very well. As I’ve shared here before, I have always loved the idea of sex, the sensual connection we feel in our bodies when in touch with something erotic. And really – that can be absolutely anything.

What if the ‘conscience’ of sexuality is symbolized in this image? It evokes a luxury of presence, a confidence, richness, deep sense of being. We might imagine a woman that knows who she is, feeling beautifully and radiantly comfortable in her own skin. For me, the image pulls forth a full body response. The rest of her story draws me and her presence is alluring.

This is how I want to walk through this life. Ever on the verge of being penetrated by the mystical, drenching in sacredness all around me. It’s more and more what my entire being is waking up to, re-membering. The conditioning has very little hold anymore. So what I know in this moment, is that if my sexuality has a conscience, it runs crystal clear, always holy and sometimes very, very red hot.

Dancing with the Longing

A beautiful soul friend and I talked recently about the continual presence and cycle of the ‘longing.’ It takes many forms, love, let me assure you of that. It can be a ‘hunger’ for food that delights and satisfies. Often it arrives as an intimate desire of the most heated sexual kind. There are moments it’s simply an ache to FEEL the sensation of being loved, of being seen, known, adored, witnessed, cherished. Any of these can be the language of love and Her counterpart, of longing.

What I feel in myself is the truth of this Sacred Call from deep within our Souls is we are Made to Love. By our very design, we have been formed with receptors continually seeking and feeling their way to that love sensation. They carry the knowing of what it is to feel alive and awake, to become stimulated with the ancient mysteries of life, to dance, become drunk and make love with the most sensual lovers. These lovers are many. They are the desires of our hearts, our souls and YES our bodies. The longing lives in every pore of our existence.

Goddess Life Force

We have been taught ‘spiritually’ that we as human beings are falsely seeking fulfillment for that longing through earthly pleasures – for some, the beauty of being a woman and even a man who loves the aesthetics of this body. Sitting down to savor a most delicious meal. Soaking in the warmth and softness of a hot tub. Being deeply kissed and held by our lovers. Wearing something that makes you feel more fully the beauty of who you are.

I say these are not ‘shallow’ substitutes for that longing. While the deep desire to connect, to feel alive, experiencing the blood pulsing hot with life and desire for MORE is absolutely a beckoning of our souls, there are many ways in which we respond. Listening to music that moves us. Or even music that allows for the tears we long to weep to become free and flowing, dripping into a puddle on our own laps or falling sweetly on the shoulder of one who loves and holds us.

This longing is part of who we are, of who we have come here to be. Your heart and soul know from whence you come and will forever be calling you back to that beautiful, love-filled place that is your own Sacred HOME. We take on the form of a body to remind us of that longing, to allow us to feel the sensation of DESIRE, yes, even of lust, aching, pleasure, hunger…this so that we can then soak in the satiated ecstasy of what it is to fully FEEL all of our selves.

This, loves, this is the longing. This is why and how it ebbs and flows. We feel ourselves become filled, only to empty and await the surge of our lovers, of our selves as our own lover, once again. It is a mystical, holy dance in which we become engaged, and through which we find more and more of the pure, glowing Light that Is HER.

I believe we each experience this through the grace that is our own soul, and am curious how it feels for each of us. For me, so very sensual, and at times, fiery. Others, it’s the the soothe I long to feel.

‘I Know What Love IS’

It’s a classic line from one of our favorite movies – Forrest Gump. I find myself feeling deeper into my own knowledge and sense of what love is. We use those words easily – ‘I love you’ – at least I do. My heart is elated with the sensation of love, being loved, loving, being in love and connecting through that pure heart space with another. 

There are three distinct experiences of my life in which I clearly remember having the feeling of being rejected, of love being withdrawn from me. I’m currently in the midst of another experience which could easily fall into that same category for me. The old feelings are there still, although they may be small by comparison. My mind wants to grab hold of them tightly and show me why once again, it isn’t ok to let myself be seen. In each of the previous experiences, I was simply being myself and allowing my heart to express in the ways she most naturally does. Each time the message I inhaled to my core was that I was wrong, swimming in my own shame and heartache. Those recordings are trying desperately to make it through once again, to be heard, held, cradled as though I have committed great offense and need rebuking from within my own self. 

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I’m calling bullshit on it all. The beauty within myself is that I have done the work this time around. The ‘work’ of sinking deeper into me and understanding who I am and how my heart beats in this world. The ‘work’ of healing and letting go of old wounds that can stifle our expression and ability to breathe freely. The ‘work’ of having given myself the liberation of being exactly who I am, of trusting my own heart and letting her take the lead. And so this time around, I whisper sweetly to my mind to ‘fuck off.’ I don’t believe that garbage anymore, although it has done its best to settle in and make itself at home today. I expected there would be a time of deep sobbing and release at some point today, the emotion began to feel so thick inside. Instead, just now in the shower, I felt that we are still coming into an understanding of what love is. Here’s why…

IN each of these three previous experiences – it was clearly time for me, for my energy, my heart to move on. I love so deeply, I’m not certain I would have without some prompting. Back then I even offered to change who I was to hold onto one relationship with a very close female friend of mine. I was willing to abandon myself in order to please her. THAT, my friends, is very, very twisted and NOT how we are meant to walk this planet. It would have been toxic for me to stay in any three of those communities/relationships longer than I did. In retrospect, the frequency of being judged and rejected as myself was already there – within me and from those involved. The climax simply brought it all into the light, into the open. It propelled me into deep heartache, but it also moved me into a whole new way of being with myself each time. 

So the beauty of this current situation is that I will not question my heart, because I am crystal clear in how she guides me. What I can see from here, with eyes wide open is that what often feels like heartache is the hot beautiful mess that is GRACE. This, my loves, THIS is what LOVE is. Love moves us with such tenderness into a deeper and more purified layer of ourselves. Love opens doors to releasing residues we weren’t even aware were still taking up residence within our mind. Love gives us the experiences we need to free our bodies from sensations that cause us pain. Love is pure. She draws us closer to her every time we choose from a place of our truth. THIS, my loves, THIS is what love is. I’m seeing her even more clearly through the lens of today. I am what Love is. And so are you. Let us not continue to doubt it. We are love. We are loved and we are loveable.