You have to work on the personal wounds behind your personal anger to free the fierce compassion energy and the clarity that anger can give you access to, but can dominate and destroy if you let it become your master. ~ Andrew Harvey
I’m listening to an interview from a few years ago with one of my beloved teachers – mystic and Sacred Activist Andrew Harvey. As he makes the statement above, I feel a tingle of understanding in myself. There are moments when what we naturally ‘know’ in our consciousness is put into words, into something clear and tangible – that AHA moment. As I heard Andrew talk about his own challenge with anger, with letting go of his own personal attachments and justifications around his anger, I related this to my own experience with my sexuality – a vital part of who I am, as his anger is a vital part of his work and who Andrew is.
I believe that what we are here for is unique to each of us individually, and on a grander scale is really about raising the vibration of this planet into one that is pure, cosmic love. We each have our own individual ‘brand’ of what that love feels like, breathes and pulses as within our bodies, within our own consciousness. Our life experiences funnel into that connection, often creating the very rupture that will bring us back to ourselves. For me, there is a trail of interactions, programming, upbringing, self beliefs in which my sexuality, my naturally sensual feminine nature and way of being were simply NOT acceptable. And yet, they were in a state of continual arousal – because who we ARE doesn’t simply go away by being told to do so. It’s innately part of our energetic makeup. For me – sensuality, the erotic nature of the Sacred Feminine are a very significant part of who I am. I cannot simply ‘shut it off,’ although for several years I tried. Who we are will always come back to find us.
There were personal wounds that required attention. Rather than turn away from those parts of myself, what was most needed was for me to sink INTO them. Not into the pain per se, yet it’s absolutely necessary to FEEL the sensations of that heartache and pain. But to sink into what I had set aside as something ‘wrong’ in me, that part of myself I couldn’t understand.
Until I was able to embrace that part of myself, to give her room to breathe, to allow her to come out and explore who she really is and how her sensual nature would engage this world if given the opportunity – she stayed in the shadows, behind my line of sight. And as long as that was true, the ‘fierce compassion and clarity’ of my true nature were shrouded in the darkness too. We MUST release our wounds, including the lies, the ‘propaganda’ we have come to believe about ourselves, in order to unleash our pure essence. Until I did that, the blinded version of my sensual nature served as master. Unconsciously, of course–that’s the whole point. When we keep who we are in the unconscious state of our awareness, we essentially operate from a place of ignorance about ourselves. I had no idea what to do with this part of myself. And yet, it continued to pulse within me and always made an appearance as simply being about SEX – when that’s not the essence of my sacred sensuality at all. In truth, me falling deeper into my self, loving all of who I am rather than cutting some parts out or making them ‘wrong’ has brought me full circle into being my own master. I serve the beauty of who I am, the Sacred Feminine essence and presence that is me; rather than remain held captive to what I have hidden away out of shame or fear. In truth, in our authentic expression, without judgment, without there being a ‘right’ or a ‘wrong’ – what do we have to fear about being all of who we are? This, my friends, this fear, this judgment, if you hold onto it, will become your master and will prevent you from the rawness of true intimacy with yourself and others with whom you desire it. Time to drop the shame.