It’s our usual morning routine before my love leaves for work – a kiss, sometimes accompanied by embrace. Usual. Normal. Routine.
Today it felt different. As my husband leaned in to kiss me, I felt him. I felt in that one short moment an overwhelming wave of all the love we share and are together, I felt my heart melt with the touch of his lips, I felt all the adoration he has for me–for us. The kiss was ‘small,’ short–the impact was deep, tunneling its way into the crevices of my being that most needed to feel such tenderness. Instantly tears filled my eyes without warning.
Much of 2015 has been this way for me–routine moments resulting in an eruption of my heart. Sometimes it comes as heartache, others as beauty and immense appreciation of what is real and true in my world. At times, it feels unnerving; the mind wanting to define it all, perhaps as depressed or disconnected. It’s how we’ve come to ‘diagnose’ and subsequently do our best to ‘fix’ what’s ‘wrong’ with us–simply because we feel too deeply.
Emotions are highly intimate and possess the power of Sacred Feminine wisdom. Have we forgotten this truth? Our ability to feel so profoundly serves as a gateway to expansion of the heart, awareness of beauty, inspiration for our creativity, honoring of ourselves, opening to more love. As I sat with myself following the kiss of my husband this morning, I felt an enormous surge of love welling up inside me. It reached to my toes, fingertips and deep inside my body with a tingling, soothing, calming, tender sensation. I felt the years and perhaps lifetimes of our love, through all its ups and downs, infused into our kiss, the meeting of our lips together. And the love I feel for him became even more immense.
It’s not easy to feel continually vulnerable, to weep with the simplicity of a morning kiss or a heartfelt text from a friend you have loved intimately. Our natural response is to resist it, talk ourselves out of it. The magic happens when we become the vulnerability, giving ourselves to it completely, trusting on some cosmic level in its companioned presence. This has been my practice of late; quietly, gently allowing myself to be drawn into the beauty and sometimes the sadness of my emotions.
It’s a challenge at times, my friends, I can tell you that. So many barriers we have against it–even something as simple as wearing contacts. Because contacts are ruined if you cry in them. So rather than ruining them, repeatedly putting in a new pair, costing extra dollars–just don’t cry too much, unless you’re prepared. How does one ‘prepare’ to feel deeply, to surrender into the love swelling in your tear ducts and spilling over your cheekbones? We can’t possibly. I can’t.
So I’m feeling. Fully. Deeply. And with that allowance comes not only the beautiful, uplifting, warm and comfortable moments, but the unseen and unknown heartaches held within too. The truth is, it’s all beautiful. We’re just unaccustomed to feeling and honoring it as so. Heartache, at its core, IS love. Our heartache arises out of our love for something or someone. There is a continual movement and ebb/flow to our lives as highly emotional human beings. The emotions are a vital part of our soul’s evolution. So feel. Feel the depth of love that you are, that you need, that you give into this world and that our world needs desperately for you to be. Cry and weep your way through all that comes to and through you, trusting and knowing all the while you are the very embodiment of pure, pulsating and heart breaking love, understanding that you are being drawn in by a very holy and sacred kiss. xx