Chaotic Holy Love

Ecstasy. Rich, full-bodied. I’m in it.

I sat on our bed talking with my husband about this book – THIS BOOK in which I am a contributing author. Omnipresent: The Sacred Feminine Balance. I’ve dreamed of this for many years, and it’s quite a sensation to realize there is a portal here. A portal of such deep and holy self awareness and appreciation. The majesty of which is an expanded view of all life in such a way and a powerful connection to its reverent pulse.

We talked about the book – about him wanting to read my words in it – and then he left the room for a few moments. I flipped through its pages and it very naturally rested on page 58, where I found these words:

Book - Sacred Heart crop

Emotion stirred in me – because I am this. Within my lovely feminine chest lies the Sacred Heart. These words reflect my truth. These words – are my words. The book itself had brought me to them, here – in print. My breath paused a moment, I’m certain of it – because I could have been reading another woman’s dialogue considering the impact it left on me. There’s a humbling alongside an internal celebration of oneself when we see our reflection so beautifully clear. Magic enfolded and cradled me yet again.

Every day is meant to leave us in awe in some way. It’s there for us, always. If we just say yes, we’ll have some glimpse of it. There are days that mystery will lift us in its arms and fly us high into the heavens of bliss. And there are days we’ll recognize its chaotic work and remember we still are intertwined. These are my days. And this, my loves, this is my book, shared with these incredible female authors. These are our truths, our loves, our stories and grace shared in our own words.

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If you’d like to order a copy of Omnipresent in either Kindle or print version, I’ve provided this link for you to do so here.

 

 

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I Am the One

I am the one who has said yes over and over and over again
Whose soul will have HER way with me, claiming every last drop
Of who I am

And I am the one who will continue to be laid bare, stripped of all my strongest protections, left only to be ravaged by HER

I am the one whose heart was ripped wide open, left bleeding and clotting on the floor
Whose beauty became darkness, dirtied by those without eyes to see
Including me

And I am the one who will continue to ignite my radiance, steeping in my own ecstatic beauty  

I am the one whose tears would not come, stymied and stifled and stuffed deep inside
Whose longing left holes in her spirit, felt as gaping chasms of emptiness
And pain

And I am the one who will continue to feel every startling sensation, surrendering myself deep into the folds of HER tender caress

I am the one whose words would not form, terrified to hear my own voice speak out loud
Whose whispers were shunned, silenced by fear and beaten down
Into muted submission

And I am the one who will continue to shout and scream and roar, raging and drenched in the fires of passion

Fiery Love

I am the one, the one who will become HER Lover
Aching, sweating, breathing HER in
As over and over and over
My entire being cries out for HER
Yes….
YES…..
YES! 

Take me, feel me, love me, own me, claim me as yours
Brand my most intimate places with your fires
Burn me from the inside out
Ignite every cell of my being
Penetrating, possessing, purifying
Over and over I whisper….
yes. 

Finding Her Way Back

I lost her…..

 

Carefree, living with wild abandon

Without a care of what lies beyond in the shadows

She once ran free

Unaware of what it could mean to be ‘liberated’

 

There was no book of ‘right’ and ‘wrong’

No expectations of how to be

She already knew who she was

No need to ‘peel the layers’

 

But little by little she slipped away

…..by ‘don’t do this’ or ‘stop that’

Disapproval in the eyes of others

Sending her fire deep into hiding

 

Bit by bit her body became the enemy

Impulses to move with abandon beat into submission

Heat of her passion drowned out

Covered in shame, guilt, fear

 

She lost herself then

And all too soon she was gone

Replaced by this glorious model of perfection

So pleased to impress the ones who ‘mattered’

 

Ugly words, whispering, accusations

Seeping deep into her cells

Redefining her sense of her self

Quietly draining every last bit of resistance

 

But the story goes on….

 

Georgia O'Keefe, Red Canna
Georgia O’Keefe, Red Canna

She’s breathing again, calling her self back

Remembering the essence of who she is

Drawing Life Force deep into her soul

Beckoning Earth, Fire, Wind and Water

 

To WAKE HER UP, to stir her senses

She is WOMAN

Sensual, voluptuous, Feminine

Strong in her power

 

No longer a young maiden

Cheapened by the opinions of others

She stands with her head high

Body erect, beloved and regal

 

Finding her way back

Reclaiming all of who she is

Ferocious rebel yell

From the fire in her belly

 

The language of love–

She understands now

Takes many forms

Claims many hearts

 

Love finds her own way

Carving a path unique to her quest

Void of approval, yet rich with grace

Asking only that we open to her probing entry

 

She lost herself once

And for far too long

But the signs are all there

Soliciting return, imploring reply

 

And so comes her answer

Steeped in sweet surrender

And a quieting of all she has been told…..

 

‘Yes….yes. Yes I am here, open, willing, answering to LOVE.’

 

 

 

Dancing Out of Control

Somehow I thought I’d read Women Who Run With the Wolves before, and yet I ordered it recently and am feeling something already awakening inside as I browse through its pages. It makes me think of a dear friend whom I met out here in the blogosphere–she very much personified what the Wild Woman archetype must be. (I miss your writing by the way, dear friend.) I love the feel of a book in my hands, touching the soft pages and feeling the inky surface as I flip through them. It’s as though I can breathe in the essence of the words, the energy put into creating the stories and wisdom just by caressing the papery sensation.

As I began to just open Women Who Run With the Wolves to random pages reading a line or paragraph here and there, getting a feel for what lay between its covers, a sentence on page 237 stopped me in my tracks:

‘So the woman who has danced out of control, who has lost her footing and lost her feet and understands that bereft state at the end of the fairy tale, has a special and valuable wisdom.’ 

What really struck me: ‘So the woman who has danced out of control has a special and valuable wisdom.’

And then: ‘The woman who has danced out of control….’

I heard my inner voice in reply: “I want to dance out of control.’

A truth uttered from deep within my being. A longing to connect to this Wild Woman energy; letting go completely of the remaining strands that make up the ‘need’ to be something. A good mother. An attractive woman. Loving wife. Well put together. Presentable home. Presentable appearance, manners, lifestyle. How on earth does a woman dance out of control amidst keeping up with so many expectations? How does one allow herself to become out of control when held under the social index of CONTROL?

It brings me back to the coaster I have here on my desk: ‘Dance like there’s nobody watching.’ I think I’m getting that part down. No longer do I wish to care who’s watching or who isn’t. Now I”m ready to let go of that. I’d rather dance out of control than try to imagine no one’s looking. I don’t care who’s looking. The music is calling and I’m going to dance…..

Answering the Call

The magnolia trees are just beginning to bloom in Johns Creek. I’ve loved them since we moved here and I first saw them nearly 8 years ago. These are glorious white balls of softness which open and bloom into such grace and beauty. After spending some time capturing our gorgeous rose bushes in the yard, I drove to an area nearby to connect to the elegance of our Earth. Nature called, I answered. She beckoned me to walk her paths, sit in the shade and open to her splendor. So much feminine energy. Here’s just a little bit of what She offered….

 Roses in the sunshine…here in our yard. They’re just stunning this year. 

Life and beauty of the Magnolia….

The buds begin….

Bursting to bloom….

My favorite, nestled in the shade of Her branches….

Kissed by sunlight….

Supported and grounded….

She just IS. 

Until all that remains is the cone/seed pod….cradled amongst last season’s shedding leaves. 

A reflection of our own magnificence. 

So much more to share from today’s journey…until then I leave you with sweetness of the rose and grace of the Magnolia tree. xo 

Energy of the Goddess

We all do it. Enthusiastic about a new project or shift in our life, we go full speed ahead, reveling in every beautiful moment of creation and birthing what has grown within us. Only to realize suddenly that the drive, the enthusiasm, the excitement have run their course, and it’s time to step back and quiet our inner self once again.

Here is the space in which I find myself. So much has occurred in a short period of time, opening my self to new energies, new opportunities and ways of experiencing life and myself. I’ve followed the steps along the way and moved with the drive of the masculine energy we all carry. And now…it is the call of the Goddess that comes.

She is soft and warm, welcoming and honoring the spirit within. There is a beckoning to go more deeply within and hear the stillness breathing with the beat of my own heart. So much has been accomplished, changes have been made, spaces of letting go and allowing new life to enter. And now, the silence has come to call.

It’s the castle of our souls we long to enter. The space of sacred presence that is mingled with Divine love, healing and purpose of our being. Here we encounter both the light and shadow of ourselves, the fears and gifts alike. Here we sit in the company of the Divine, soaking in the radiance of purity so brilliant it blinds the naked eye.

We ache for this experience, to be in this place, the sanctuary of our souls. It plays out as a desire to be full, loved, fed, warmed in our physical life. And yet at the depths of our being is the truth: we literally LONG for the Divine to fill us up. Instinctively we seek out a space in which to feel ‘enough’ and connect to the passion of our spirit. And from deep within ourselves, the need to share communion with the sacred is the force that overrides all other thoughts and desires.

Listen my friends. Be still long enough to feel it, to hear it–the energy of the Goddess. She waits for you, opening herself to surround you with grace. She is calling to your soul…..you’ll hear her voice….in the whispers of your heart……