Deepening the Layers

In conversations with the women of my intimate circles, what seems to be prevalent right now is a continual surge of activating and awakening energy, followed by dark moments and inner turmoil. I no longer believe that we are in an ‘expand and contract’ cycle–meaning that the more we open to the sacred energies stirring from within, the more we connect with ‘light’ energy, we will encounter equal measures of fear and instead of holding our center will become lost in the darkness. Validating this patterning feels like playing into the patriarchal way of seeing ourselves, stuck within a cycle and system of power that is outside ourselves.

Art-fire-wallpaper-women-1050x1680What I sense is that we are being cracked wide open – repeatedly. Especially those of us who have said yes, who have committed ourselves to the Sacred Feminine Ravishing happening across our planet. There are men in these circles to be sure, although for me the connections are mostly women. And women are not fucking around. We are no longer sitting back and allowing the events of our lives to be defined by someone else. We aren’t interested in someone telling us what we need or how we’re supposed to take the next step. We are deepening the layers of our own internal wisdom. We are opening the drapes of the rooms still left untouched within our soul’s castle. We are moving with haste ever more passionately into the Mystery. This is OUR language. We know this dialogue. There is a sacred encoding we carry and with each tear that falls, with each trembling we feel in our bodies, with every choice we make that is only about what WE FEEL is best – we are activating that code.

What I feel is that we are engaging a beautiful dance with ourselves. One that is about being laid bare, surrendering all that we are into the grace of our true power. We ARE the Divine Feminine in human form. We ARE master Creators, Lovers, Artists, Mothers. We are powerful alchemists and seductresses. And we make no apology for that. As we stand up one by one, again and again to own all of what we have for too long suppressed within ourselves, we are revealing each place where we have held tight to the old way of being, doing, expressing. We are deepening the layers. We are penetrating the sacred core of ourselves, moving through the old triggers, letting them go one by one, sometimes hundreds at a time. We are remembering the pure way of being with ourselves, as ourselves. And we are channeling that radiant presence out into our world.

We have said ‘no more.’ And whatever may come – we meant it.

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Natural Born Beauty

In my quest for authenticity, I thought it was time to let my hair grow ‘natural’ – as in ‘gray.’ It’s about 50/50 dark/gray under the gorgeous, rich brown color I have loved for so long. In my 30’s I did ‘the blonde thing’ for a few years. At the time, it felt a little wild and I liked that. But luxurious brunette is truly who I am and what most makes me feel beautiful.

Little did I know the journey I was about to embark upon by choosing to ‘let the gray grow.’ The whisper of it was exhilarating – riding on the back of the motorcycle with my love, feeling the breeze, fully connecting to the Presence of All That Is. It was as though we were sitting in conversation, SHE and I. As I contemplated a haircut and the sparkle making its way through my roots, I heard HER: ‘Why do you cover up who you are with that ‘muck’ on your head? You are already beautiful. You will simply be MORE beautiful with your gray hair.’ My whole self smiled with the sensation SHE sent my way as I felt HER words ripple through my bodies; it was the sensation of BEAUTIFUL. And so I decided to let the gray come….to stop coloring and ‘covering up’ who I am….and I was excited about it.

Until. The hairdresser suggested that in order to get rid of the dark color, we highlight blonde to begin lightening my hair in order to match the gray tones growing in. I was definitely not thrilled over this, but felt committed to the process. Oh my friends, let me tell you how dark that experience became. I was horrified in seeing my reflection. For three weeks, I tried to fall in love with the woman I saw in the mirror – and have loved for so long. I have known her from the inside and come to love who I am. But as vain as it may sound, I could not feel that love for my own outer beauty with this foreign, frizzy, blonde, ugly hair. Waves of emotion poured through me, as though I became¬†women from lifetimes before who were forced to have their heads shaved and their beauty stripped from them. As the tears flowed, I went deeper and deeper into how much our own natural beauty as a woman DOES matter. It’s part of our feminine essence. We each attach to it in unique ways, we express who we are through the way we dress, wear our hair, put on makeup or not, paint our lashes, adorn our curves and color our lips.

What I realized, my loves, is that I have been this woman who loves beauty all along, only when I witnessed this passion in other women judged rather than embraced them for it. I convinced myself this is not who I am. That I choose to let my natural way of aging, of changing, of becoming to reveal and blossom. Thus – the gray hair. I understood how my own judgment played into the ancient patriarchal wounding of women…..of myself. My outer beauty matters to me, just as much as my inner beauty does. One is not better or more sacred than the other. Without going through this process, I wouldn’t have understood that in quite the way I do now.

me 3.14What I believe SHE was whispering to me was to let go of believing I have to be ONE WAY in order to be authentic. Rather than trying to be something I am not – in love with gray hair that feels dull to my lively personality and passion – HER desire is for me to find what feels beautiful TO ME, AS ME, FOR ME – and to honor it. I’m thrilled to share that yesterday we ‘washed that blonde right out of my hair’ and the natural born beauty of a brunette that I AM is breathing with life once more. I feel amazing – not only because I am beautiful to my own eye, but because through this experience I released so much for myself and for women everywhere. It’s okay to want to be beautiful on the outside too. Somewhere along the way we’ve forgotten that – who we are as beautiful women. Whether we go naturally gray or love the vivacious colors we can play with, wear makeup or feel fresh without it. It doesn’t matter. What matters is that we allow our own voice to express in whatever way she wishes. That we are true to HER call for us.

Your personal invitation to AWAKENING WOMAN. 

 

How Do You Bleed?

I feel there is something unexplored in women that only a woman can understand. ~ Georgia O’Keefe

This quote crossed my awareness last night, and because I love Georgia O’Keefe so much, it gave me pause. I brought it into some of my sacred circles of women to explore a bit more. What I’ve found within myself is a deep well of connection to what remains unexplored in us. Perhaps it’s our own Creative Force that we keep quiet, subdued, manageable lest we be seen as crazy, out there, or gone over the edge. We’ve lived through lifetimes of being laughed at, tormented and even considered ‘hysterical’ just because of how deeply and passionately we feel.

As I have let myself FEEL into what this stirs in my own body and remembrance, I sense that what is unexplored in women may look different on each one of us. And yet, at it’s core is quite possibly the same. We are naturally designed with a womb of creation. From that womb, we nurture and give life. What allows us to do so is connected to a monthly bleeding and shedding of our uterine walls to continually prepare for that Life. If we consider that what is unexplored in each of us is the passion, the Force that whispers to us, that speaks to us in the most loving and sensitive ways, and at times in a fiery and fierce voice of pulsing sensation–then would not the ‘unexplored’ in each of us be our own Sacred Blood?

pink and red

There is so much here, I feel I can’t quite grasp how to express it. Our Creative Force, our passion, our longing, our deepest soul feeling and purpose – live in our physical and feminine BLOOD. The obvious menstrual blood aside, just envision for a moment the feeling of blood pumping through your body and the sensations that can impact that flow. When we feel most intensely something as true in our entire being, whether it’s fear, passion, desire, excitement, heartache – you can FEEL that in your heart, in the very way your blood moves through you. You can SENSE that you are alive, even in the moments you may not wish to be so.

Stepping deeper into it – how we FEEL and experience Life, how we Create and Offer ourselves to this world – is that not how we BLEED? Both symbolically and quite literally? And yet, one of the last things women are talking about and inviting into their lives is their flow, conversation about how sacred it is that we DO have a Flow of Blood. We’ve forgotten the sacredness of what this means to us. We’ve lost the precious care of ourselves as Creators of Life. We no longer see our ability to BLEED as something precious, to be honored.

There are ancient practices of women holding ceremony and allowing their blood to seep into the earth beneath them. These women understood their bodies harbored something so holy and powerful as to cherish and honor it. WE recognized the power of our ability to bleed and to bring life and healing through our blood.

And so what this quote has brought to me is this question: How do YOU bleed? Whether you look through the lens of your Creative Force, your Passion, and/or your Physical Body and the actual cycle of menstruation. As a woman who carries ancient sacred lineage, how do you bleed? And with whom will you explore this aspect of being Woman?