Circle of Remembrance

Expression. My soul craves it. And yet–the words have yet to cooperate. I KNOW I wish to write today. It’s been too long away. I desire too much to move into this channel of grace that is my heart speaking. And so my prayer is this: I’m open. Allow the truth to be shared through me. Servant of truth. Channel of grace. Amen. 

I keep coming back around to the theme of my life in 2012: I AM. It began in 2011 as a proclamation TO myself of the Divine presence that is us All. I stood up, took accountability, willing to be seen, heard and recognized. So many steps outside my comfort zone–and it was exhilarating most of the time. 

But this year has been different. The walls are falling down around me. There is significant change in how I see myself, what I experience from within – and the beliefs I’ve claimed as my own are crumbling. I know this process: refining. My soul understands it. My mind in all her brilliance and desire to protect me, tries to reason through it. And yet, there is nothing the mind can do to ease the process. 

When you pray, you draw to you and invoke Grace. Grace is uncontaminated conscious light. It is divinity. Prayer brings grace and grace calms you. That is the cycle. Grace is the tranquilizer of the soul. With grace comes a knowing that what you are experiencing is necessary. It calms you with a sense of knowing.~Gary Zukav

The No Comfort Zone Challenge. I’ve said before I couldn’t have imagined what it would unlock within myself–and that continues to prove true. While I’m not participating within the guidelines of doing something each week, there is indeed a shift in my reality that is steadily present. It feels as though there is even too much to begin sharing, and I find myself again at a loss for words.

I know this to be true: My soul called out to the Divine, asking, begging for connection. My greatest desire is to heal, to be of service, to live and choose with integrity. I fully knew turning 40 was going to be a significant turning point in my life. As I’m watching my younger sister go through the process of her first pregnancy, my daughter maneuver through her first year of college, my parents buy a new home for the first time in over 25 years: there is a clear transition happening in each one of them. They are leaving behind one stage of life and moving through the tunnel into another. There is discomfort, exhilaration, joy, sadness, grief, excitement–nearly every scale of emotion. So much is changing in our lives–in my life. I’m letting go of layers of who I was, opening myself even more to who I AM. In REAL time. 

Pieces are falling away. Growing pains. We so want to ‘get there’–and yet there are stages we must go through along the way. I’ve been one of the greatest promoters of a positive attitude. That began to change as I read Gary Zukav’s chapter on the optimist in his book ‘The Heart of the Soul.‘ At times our optimism–MY optimism–is a protective barrier from seeing truth, FEELING truth. It’s taken several months for that reality to sink in. And then I read in Joss Burnel’s ‘What I Know About Fibro’ about our inability to really connect to what another might be feeling when they are in pain. Nothing in that chapter jumped out at me, but a subtle realization began. The messages are coming through clearly: somehow, I’m disconnected from the truth of my feelings, and so from the truth of myself. The signs are everywhere–through the Grace of the Universe in assisting me to ‘get it.’  (Incidentally, neither I nor anyone in my family have Fibro. But I found Joss’s wisdom to be pure and filled with guidance on how to love ourselves, acknowledge not only our pain, but our bodies, our whole selves, and begin to heal in places we aren’t even aware require healing.) 

And so–the No Comfort Zone has really become the story of my life this year. All the places I’ve sought comfort: being a good mom, taking care of others, eating delicious food, seeing a ‘good’ figure in the mirror–the list could go on–all of these are falling away. Until there’s only ME left. There is no comfort in those places. They aren’t reflecting back to me what they once did.

And so I turn to something greater: GRACE. ‘Prayer brings grace and grace calms you.’ This is the loving hand of the Universe. Grace. We aren’t on this journey for it to be easy. We are on this journey to understand and more and more choose to BE who we truly are. We are here to let go of our own pretense–whether it came with us into this life or became a necessary part of our survival along the way. Our ever increasing lesson is to recognize when we no longer NEED it…and through prayer and grace….to let it go. THAT is where the comfort begins. With grace–the tranquilizer of the soul. 

 

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Murphy’s Law

Questions in my spirit today, all focused on the energy, emotion and power of love: How do you love? And in what way do you allow it to move through you? Where do you become ‘Love in Action’ following the pure essence of Divine love in your heart? What moves you to FEEL love? And do YOU feel loved? So many questions, offering to us a deeper understanding of what love truly IS, how we interact with it and welcome or dismiss its stream of soul connection in our lives.

Gary Zukav, author of Seat of the Soul, has another book titled Heart of the Soul,  focused on emotional awareness. Just a few chapters in it’s clear to see the words and truths being shared have the power to reorder one’s interior relationship with love. We are all blessed with a tremendous capacity to connect to the energy of loving vibrations through our soul truth, requiring us to honor and FEEL our emotions. As we move from fear and pain into love and trust, we not only become more healthy within our emotional system, but we are able to channel that positive energy into the world around us, connecting to our soul’s true alignment with the Divine Universe and welcoming abundance to surround us in whatever way our contract offers. The key my friends, is FEELING.

So many tactics we have to avoid it: work, food, addictions, false optimism. Zukav covers all of these in his book and very clearly outlines how each of them becomes a barrier to our emotional truth. Fear and pain lives within us all, but we don’t have to operate from that space. Through honest analysis of our true emotions, we effectively transmute the fear and pain into love and trust. Seeing clearly allows us to step into our Divine personal power, to claim the soul purpose that is already ours, and to live embracing who we are on all levels.

Our emotions are perhaps the greatest barometer to understanding what our inner truth is. Allowing ourselves the ‘time-out’ moment to ask: what am I FEELING about this? Or how am I feeling today? The space of time in which it takes to connect to our inner climate offers to us an oasis of healing and honoring who we are.

Murphy’s law: Love is all you need. As I began to write this post, focused on the energy of LOVE, Murphy made his presence known. Sitting at my feet, those big eyes of his looking up and filled with a very pure desire to simply…LOVE.