The Art of Allowing

Oh my, it feels as though I have so much to say after not writing here for quite some time. I always know it’s time to return–when I’m having conversations with you all in my mind.

I wonder if you feel what I do at just this time–a great shifting in how Life experiences you, and in turn how you experience it–but in the most subtle of ways. Undoubtedly many of us are continuing to move through the spiral of our own journey, unearthing pieces of ourselves, dismantling layers of beliefs and barriers no longer needed. But what has occurred for me over the last couple of months feels quite extraordinary, in the most simple of ways.

Gorgeous Beach Roses, overlooking the marsh at Moody, Maine.
Gorgeous Beach Roses, overlooking the marsh at Moody, Maine.

It’s the first time–EVER–I was on my own for a few weeks this summer, and it was extraordinary. My husband’s father passed away three years ago, and his mother just this January. That leaves my husband as the ‘elder’ in his family, which in itself is quite surreal. There were two properties to be managed – her home to be sorted through, cleaned out and put on the market to sell – and a family cottage on the coast of Maine to be transferred into our ownership and oversight as it’s also a rental property. A friend and I traveled together up to New England and spent a week cleaning, packing, making repairs in the home to be sold. Our time together was filled with laughter, lots of dust and we even managed to get in a few nights out on the town. She then went on to visit family in Canada and I spent the next week by myself at the beach cottage.

I don’t quite have all the words to describe this experience, but I know it changed me in ways I’m not yet aware. When I met my husband nearly 22 years ago, we fell in love and married within less than a year. I moved from my parents’ home to his. So being in this sacred place I love so much and having it all to myself as the energetic shift in ownership occurred was a beautiful gift. I loved every minute. My dear friend Joss unknowingly spoke what’s true in my heart – Moody Beach is a healing space for me. In years past, it has felt very much in my awareness. This year, it was much more as though I was simply allowing myself to love each moment for what it was. There wasn’t anything BIG or earth-shattering that I felt or recognized inwardly. The movement has been subtle, beautiful, gentle. And I feel that is the energy currently settling into our consciousness as the old paradigm of fear and ‘doing the right thing’ march silently out of focus.

There’s so much I could say, but I do tend to write long posts already, so will try to simplify. I have witnessed the delicate grace having a similar impact on several occasions–moving my spirit when I wasn’t even aware it was happening. First, after a week by myself, I was uncertain if I was ready for my family to arrive. We return to Moody Beach each summer – sometimes just my husband and I, other times the kids will go with us; this year everyone journeyed north. They would fly in on Tuesday, but Sunday evening and even a bit on Monday morning I was concerned I might not be so happy to see them. A gentle breeze of grace shifted my feelings as Monday went on – and I felt a bit lonely accompanied by a longing to connect with my family. When they landed on Tuesday, my heart leapt with joy to see these amazing beings who chose me for their wife and mother.  I felt – and still do – quite amazed with how my emotions and heart moved just as was needed in those moments.

On a brilliantly warm and sunny Friday afternoon, I walked to the nearby marsh to find a large flock of geese enjoying the high tide. They reminded me....'you do not have to be good.'
On a brilliantly warm and sunny Friday afternoon, I walked to the nearby marsh to find a large flock of geese enjoying the high tide. They reminded me….’you do not have to be good.’

Similar experiences happened when it was time for the kids to go, for us to come home from the beach and most recently with my work. My husband and I would spend the remaining week together in New England, and although I so looked forward to that, I felt pangs of grief as I watched my children walk towards their gate for the flight home. When we traveled back home to Atlanta over two days’ journey, I wasn’t so sure coming ‘home’ would be welcome. Halfway through day two, I sensed the shift and desire to be in my beautiful Atlanta HOME once again. And with Sacred Circle Retreats – upon leaving closing out our Spring Program in May, I felt burnt out, unsure about continuing this forward. That feeling of uncertainty seemed to increase as my distance from the work and community did. Just a few weeks ago I wondered if I would be canceling the Fall Program because my heart was no longer in it. My friend and mentor Fay Hart is always talking about miracles and how they are everywhere. I’m convinced a miracle occurred because the passion for this work, for our Fall Program and the women with whom I’m so honored to work has only grown immensely over the last few weeks and I’m elated to launch our new series of events this evening.

Two quotes come to me in closing. The first I read just this morning and shared on the Sacred Circle Retreats FB page, which then led me to write this post (finally!):

Nonresistance is the key to the greatest power in the universe. Through it, consciousness (spirit) is freed from its imprisonment in form. ~ Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth

The second seems to sum up my summer retreat (because for me it WAS a retreat, they come in many forms, my friends):

You do not have to be good…..
You have only to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves. ~ Mary Oliver, Wild Geese poem

Earthfire Sacred Whispers

Connection, awakening, awareness direct to the center of your soul. I love reading the posts and watching videos by Earthfire Institute, but there’s something especially mystical and sacred about this particular one. Very short – just under 2 minutes. In the midst of all that’s come into our life recently, I’ve found the ‘old’ or ‘usual’ way of finding grounded soul connection is no longer always effective. But taking just a few moments to fully tune in to the energy, message and grace of Susan Eirich’s voice and words coupled with the beauty and presence of these creatures left me feeling an affinity with the Life that is part of our planet, and indeed who we ARE.

It’s interesting to witness how just 2 moments of divine awareness and connection with Nature can move me in ways nothing else has of late. Feeling most grateful. Sometimes it’s so simple, and WE make it difficult. xo

And in the event you’d like to learn more about Earthfire, here’s a longer video where Susan shares details and stories:

 

Seven Extraordinary Days of Grace ~ Caroline Myss Online Salon

What follows is a complimentary issue of Caroline Myss’s online Salon Newsletter. She writes once to the community of members, on the many realms of healing, mysticism, prayer and living a contemplative life in today’s modern times. I was so moved by the presence of Seven Extraordinary Days of Grace, I want to pass it along to you. Although the read is lengthy, it’s well worth your time. Caroline always provides such rich food for the soul….enjoy, my friends. xo 

Grace comes in many expressions. It intervenes in raging arguments, calming your anger so that you do not say what you can never take back. Grace whispers thoughts of hope in desperate times, giving you the stamina to hold on through the storms of life. And grace delivers inspiration, awakening creative resources deep within your being. The power of grace is endless, silent, and powerful.

A rare and rich but much too brief discussion of the activity of grace given in a graduate school lecture was brought to mind the other day while I was watching a program about the devotion the great opera star, Rene Fleming, has for assisting up-and-coming opera singers. It’s so amazing, really, how and when these flashbacks arise. You have no idea they remain hidden in the vast archive of memories that you are carrying around in your brain, like the words of all the songs from the 60’s that just pop into your head the moment you hear the melody.

First, I’ll share the long ago memory of this graduate class. I was in a class on mystical theology and while we were discussing something or other, the professor noted that one mystical phenomenon is that each person is given the gift of seven extraordinary days of grace each year. The grace given on these days is of the quality that it organizes the events of that day to transform your life – that is, redirect your life – in a most significant way. The rest of the class, as you can well imagine, was immediately devoted to the details of identifying that grace and the content of these extraordinary days. (I’ll get to that later – don’t worry.)

Anyway, I could not turn off this program about Rene Fleming, which actually intrigued me as I am not really an opera fan, but I have seen Fleming perform in person, thanks to my dear opera fan friend, Andrew Harvey. And she is beyond magnificent. During the program, you saw Fleming giving hands-on instruction to four lucky opera students, instructing them on how to advance their voices. She offered them the most interesting techniques that would assist them in perfecting a single note, a precise tone. Their devotion to the art of opera and to the art of their voice was stunning.

Later, Fleming was casually walking through the opera house with her four students when she said, “Remember, you have seven extraordinary days a year. You can’t waste them. You must be on alert for them.” As soon as I heard her say that, the memory of that day in graduate school flooded into my mind. How in the world did she know that? Why did she say that? Did she mean the same thing as my professor? And why don’t I have Rene Fleming’s phone number???

Immediately I dusted off my memory. What were the details of that lecture? I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, leaned back on the couch, and drifted back through the decades of my life to graduate school. I waited,waited,ah, yes. I remember,.

Your Seven Extraordinary Days of Grace

Let’s start with the obvious first question: Why seven? Perhaps it’s because there are seven days of the week, or seven days of creation, or seven chakras, or the scale of life is numbered at seven. Seven is a mystical number that notes a resonance to your soul. Let us, therefore, assume – though we have no proof as such – that this might be the reason and leave it at that. When it comes to mystical theology, we operate on observation, subjective experience, and the nature of law and order as revealed in the order of nature itself. A scale of “seven” is a repeated scale throughout mystical systems of order; therefore, it may well be that this scale functions within this phenomenon. (That was your first lesson in mystical theology.)

Next, in order to understand the nature and content of these seven extraordinary days of grace, you have to be very clear about what they are not. So, grace is not – repeat – it is not an obvious force. Grace is a silent breeze that enters into your essence, often to protect you from doing harm to yourself. Grace does not protect you from the consequences of your negative or foolish choices; rather, it seeks to prevent you from making those choices in the first place.

Now, let’s think about an ordinary year of life, beginning from January to December. During that year, you will plan or attend a handful of special occasions or trips that rate as extraordinary. Among these are: weddings, vacations, parties, dates with someone special, surprise events, holiday gatherings, birthday parties, spa trips, etc. What these have in common are the following:

· You know about them ahead of time;

· You will have expectations of how the event will play out;

· You will either exaggerate the good time you intend to have or the bad;

· In either case, your expectations will be disappointed;

· The event will not go as expected in some way.

· For all the above reasons, these days do not qualify as one of your Seven Days of Extraordinary Grace because you are fully convinced you are in charge of the event or you are directly influencing the psychic field with your attitude. In other words, you are exerting too much control toward wanting a certain outcome.

· Finally, days burdened with expectations translate to you having to get what you want, the way you want it. From another perspective, these are days that reveal a sense of loss of control and personal insecurities.

The Nature and Character of Extraordinary Grace

Yet another mystical theological teaching is discernment: to look through the eyes of your soul into a situation in order to see and understand the significance of what is unfolding in front of your eyes. Discernment is unlike judging a situation, which tends to be an immediate and reactive response. A discerning response is one that requires reflective thought. With this teaching in mind, we now proceed into the deeper waters of discerning the nature of extraordinary days of grace.

You have no authority over your seven days of extraordinary grace; that is, you cannot decide when these shall be given to you. They come as they come. They are considered “gifts of the spirit,” bestowed upon you at a particularly advantageous time in your life – the operative word being advantageous. Now, how would you define advantageous? If I had you in a classroom at this moment, I would stop the lecture and ask all participants to answer that question in their notebook as I have little doubt that none of you has ever asked yourself this question. What do you consider a spiritually advantageous moment? Are you even prepared to give an answer to that question? Or should I begin with this question: Do you even understand the significance of that question?

This is the type of question that is introduced in a class on mystical theology. Inevitably the discussion that it opens up is intriguing, to say the least. A spiritually advantageous moment is one in which the “agents of change” in your life come together in such a way that only one spark is required to set them off. You may have several change agents at work in your life, none of which has the potency to motivate you to a next step. One more is required. Perhaps all that is needed is one more conversation, or a delayed flight that would allow you to make one more phone call to exactly the right person, or running into an old friend who happens to be the link to exactly the person you need to meet. You are not able to calculate when you have amassed a sufficient number of change agents in your psyche. You are able to discern, however, that an event or opportunity carrying an extraordinary potential of power has just been introduced into your life. As a result of making that phone call or running into that old friend, something new was provided to you. Maybe it was a suggestion, maybe it was positive feedback, or maybe it was a new contact. But you are left feeling renewed, as if you’ve just been rebooted in your own skin. One spark of grace lighted at the perfect advantageous moment is all it takes and life feels good again. Your life feels good again.

Let us examine the characteristics of a day of extraordinary grace:

· An opportunity that requires a spontaneous response comes along. The ingredient of spontaneity is required, lest you begin to project fear and failure into the opportunity, thereby self-sabotaging the potential to redirect your life. While other opportunities come and go, one surrounded with extraordinary grace fills your solar plexus and not just your mind, making your “head swim” with greed and ambition. Grace goes to your gut, right into your sense of who you are and what you should do. It symbolically “grabs” hold of your identity.

· Another expression of an extraordinary day of grace can come through finding out that plans you had set in motion months or even years ago, which you had given up as failed, have been resurrected. The time wasn’t right and all of a sudden, the time is right. A day of grace is the day everything “fell into place.”

· Yet another expression of a day of grace occurs when you encounter a past love – only now both of you are available to be together. A day of grace is the day when life begins again.

· A day of grace delivers an unexpected path of healing, which could be in the form of a renewed inner resilience or hope, or meeting a person who knows exactly how to understand and treat your condition. A day of grace is day when the tide turns in your favor.

· Another expression of grace is endless delays, confusion, and chaos shattering all of your plans. You can only give up and survive the day, bit-by-bit, going wherever the road leads you. A day of grace is when all the wrong things deliver you to exactly the right place.

· Yet another expression of grace is the day you discover that somehow a great mistake was righted through something else that you did. Perhaps it was something conscious or maybe not, but on a day of extraordinary grace, the forces work in your favor and a mistake is made right. A day of grace is when the rules are somehow bent in your favor, just once.

· Another day of grace is when your life is saved, perhaps from a car accident or something exploding in your face or a random street incident. A day of grace is when your life is shielded from physical harm, knowingly or unknowingly.

As you can tell, you cannot coordinate these days. You cannot make them happen. They happen because of other circumstances you have set into motion. In other words, your extraordinary days of grace come into your life because of choices that you have made that have created gaps and needs – open spaces – that require filling.

Your challenge is to realize that you are experiencing a day of extraordinary grace and to appreciate the meaning, power, and significance of that day. Further, it is vitally important to act on opportunities offered to you on that day. Suggestions for your new business venture, for example, that came from a synchronistic meeting between you and another person should be followed up on. Merely telling friends about this incredible synchronistic conversation you had with someone is a waste of an extraordinary day of grace, to be direct. It’s up to you to follow through, to take action, to make things happen for yourself.

Remember, grace does not do work for you. It will not “heal” you if you are not doing your part in your own healing. Grace will not interfere with the law of cause and effect; that is, for every choice we make, there is an effect or a consequence. If we make a foolish or stupid choice, we pay a price by having to deal with the consequence of our choices. Grace does not compensate or erase our stupid or foolish choices, any more than prayer does. In order to appreciate the nature and power of grace, and the gift of an extraordinary day of grace, you have to grasp how the power of grace manifests in your life and how it does not. Grace is not a “fix-it” force. It is an inspirational, mystical power that awakens you from within.

As I thought about this subject, I queried a few friends on this question: Would you want to be in charge of determining when you received your seven days of extraordinary grace each year? We had such a fun discussion. One friend said, “I’m very frugal. I would hold on to them.”

Another friend determined that she would be very nervous about having that type of “wealth in a safe in her own home.” What a great analogy, I thought, yes? She was exactly right, as seven days of grace is exactly like having gold in a safe at home and you left to determine when and how to spend it. A third person said he would absolutely use all seven days in one month. He would “go for the gold” in one blast.

I asked each person, “Would you be more inclined to use a day of grace in the midst of a crisis or when you are calm and undistracted?” Would you see your days of grace as financial crisis solvers or a day of soulful renewal? Which is of more value to you?

Those questions ended up leading into one more fascinating area of discussion after another. It seemed like this subject opened a vast discussion. For that reason, I am carrying it over to the June Salon, which will be Part II on this topic. In the June Salon, I will explore those questions along with:

· A discussion of grace and prayer.

· What would most people do: take charge of their seven days or let heaven determine when they receive the gift of a day of grace?

· Merging the Seven Days of Grace with Your Seven Chakras, just for discussion

· Could each day contain this grace?

Let me encourage you to think about the days of this year – just this year – that have been game changers for you. They have contained certain ingredients that have motivated you to move ahead, to make positive changes, to do something you’ve been postponing, but on that day, you acted. See if you can identify the presence of grace in your life that day:

· What was it about that day that made it different?

· Do you remember how you felt that day?

· What types of choices did you make that day that you would call “out of character?”

· What results have occurred in your life as a result of those choices, and would you consider these results as special or surprising?

· Have there been any changes in your life that qualify as “beyond your expectations” as a result of acting on a grace that you identified?

I’ll close this Salon by asking you to reflect on whether you would want to be in charge of when to receive your Seven Extraordinary Days of Grace, or whether you would leave the wisdom of that decision to the heavens. We’ll continue with this discussion in the June Salon.

Meanwhile, Happy Summer,

Love,
Caroline

Our CMED Healing prayer for one and all:

Hold on to what is good
Even if it is a handful of earth
Hold on to what you believe
Even if it is a tree that stands by itself
Hold on to what you must do
Even if it is a long way from here
Hold on to life
Even if it is easier to let go
Hold on to my hand
Even if I have gone away from you,.

– Pueblo blessing
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‘Good Karma,’ Angels & Grace

Something happens when we allow ourselves to be in a space of healing, surrender and honesty with the truth that lives beneath the surface. There can be a great darkness…and yet, the light is always present. As we practice the art of allowing without becoming attached to feelings and perceptions, streams of radiance begin to shine through. At first, there are only glimpses, as the emotions that arise can be overwhelming. But as we continue to be honest, to be true to the space we’re in, it’s almost as though there is a sudden moment when the light pervades over even the darkest and most subtle shadows. 

It was a contemplative process determining just how to write this post and what to focus on: good karma, angelic presence or the showering of Grace? All three have played a role in the shift I’m feeling, and so all three will have a place in this sharing.

Angelic presence….when my 19 year old daughter was hit head on Monday evening and walked away unharmed aside from bumps and bruises. It feels to me that people toss around connection to the ‘angels’ all too easily, not really in tune with what that can mean. So I’ve held back my own effort to bring angels into my life on a regular basis. Yes, of course I believe in them…but to say things like ‘the angels protected me’ or ‘angels are all around us’ – hasn’t felt real enough to own as my truth. 

These last few months, however, it seems they WANT me to sense them, to call on them, to feel them. So when Lauren was indeed protected from what could have been a devastating accident–well, the skeptic has to take a back seat. Not only was she not seriously hurt, she was also flanked by people who took care of her during the 45 minutes it took us to get to where she was. I prayed the whole ride. And guess what? I asked the angels to surround her. They not only heard me, they responded without delay.

 ‘You have some really Good Karma.’ 

This bit requires a short back story: we purchased two vehicles just three weeks ago – one for Lauren and one for our other daughter. The search to find a car for each wasn’t easy, as teenage budgets can only support so much. Just as it was getting frustrating and discouraging–we came across not one but TWO perfect cars–both through our mechanic. Trusted, reliable, affordable. Perfect. Bought them both after a test drive and we were good to go. During this process, I got to know Mary the receptionist at the mechanic’s shop a little bit. She knew what we’d been through to find a car, and understood what a blessing it was when these two appeared seemingly ‘out of nowhere.’ She shared our devastation when I called to let them know Lauren’s car had been totaled in the crash. 

What happened next just continues the miracle. The accident was Monday night. Tuesday morning Lauren made a post on her Facebook page about being in search of a new car. Only ONE person replied. Someone who knows Lauren very well and  just thinks the world of her. A Volvo isn’t the ‘ideal’ college student vehicle, and yet once again – a trusted, reliable and affordable car was available with perfect timing. We went yesterday to drive it – and ended up buying the car.

In a conversation with Mary I shared our story. She was in awe and said something about my aura (we’ve never talked on a spiritual level) and then ‘you have some really good karma.’ The weight and truth of her statement hit me. I do! I’m a firm believer that every situation is filled with purpose and every challenge offers something positive to us. We can always ‘recover’ and often we are gifted in some way with more than what we had initially. Lauren’s car accident was a horrible experience in the moment, but aside from some panic, pain and rushing around, the outcome has been incredibly positive. Hearing Mary say these words seemed to shake me out of the melancholy I’ve been feeling. It was like a bit of light shining through….a sweet reminder from the Universe that All is Well. One that I could actually FEEL!!

Grace…all of this is the sweet flow of grace. I know it and I feel it to be so. Last week I ordered two books connected with St. Teresa of Avila. It’s her teachings that led me to Caroline Myss and a class on Mysticism. In that space I learned of the power, presence, compassion and sacredness of Grace. She has been with us all this time. I know she held me as I struggled to find my grounding. Even when I can’t feel her, I know the vision of her essence wrapped around me is real. 

I’m grateful for all we’ve been through this week. For the bond between parents and their children. For the ability to take care of Lauren as she gets back on her feet. For the abundance in our life that allows us to provide. For the Grace that awakens us from the deepest slumber of our spirits. For the gift it is to be me. 

Amen. xo 

 

In Search of Beauty

I’ve dreamt of this in my mind, longed for it in my heart and felt it from the depths of my soul for some time. At Christmas time the new camera I got was a gift of creativity. I’ve been waiting for Spring to show her colors so I could capture each one. And then recently my sweet soul friend Cat felt and saw my dream: spending an afternoon in the glorious grace of nature, seeking out the bounty she brings with the arrival of spring. It was indeed, like being a little girl again…stirring up some of my most favorite memories of being outside and at one with Nature. Synchronicity stepped in too, because just yesterday morning I turned back to the start of my journal to read a childhood memory I’d written….all about playing outside on the rocks, our swingset and in the grassy yard with my big sister. 

So I’m elated to share the beauty that greeted me on every corner and with nearly every step. The squirrels even played along a bit! When I look at these images, I feel something stir deep within myself. I can’t help but smile. We are blessed to be surrounded by so much grace. And yet, with the busy-ness of our days, we miss it. Today, I’m savoring it. xo

For you, Cat….

Loved these beautiful purple pansies. Something about how the colors are woven together….

And these yellow were right beside them. The sun was beginning to set….

Met a new friend….he was here as I began and also as I headed back home….

Who wanted to play Hide & Seek!

One of the last blossoms to open on this tree….perhaps she was waiting for me….

Streaming sunlight felt like Angel dust….

A little sun worship? No worries for my little friend….

Robins everywhere….singing….looking for nest materials…

This might be my favorite….stunningly beautiful….Mother Nature’s inspired art….

Spring in Her glory….

So naturally She creates Her beauty…..

Even the Pine trees join spring’s birthing process….

Life & Abundance present everywhere….how do we miss it?

Sweet Adieu my friend….

As the sun continues to set…..Grace shining through the trees….

Our guide for the journey. I realized just now – hers was the first photo I took as I began….and one of the last before going back into the house. 

Healing with Pain

Sometimes Love asks of us that piece which is the most difficult to surrender. It is in this moment, we must remember to call on the power of Grace to infuse our every cell, channeling to us the stamina we need to honor Her call. And as we do, even while our heart breaks, the golden power of healing is occurring simultaneously. 


It goes against our very beliefs that we can feel pain and yet be healing all at once. Our ‘reasoning’ minds can’t process this Universal truth. And yet, there are times our greatest pathway to healing is to feel the intensity of what pains us most. We must move through it in order to release it.

How does one begin to understand this? Surely, my friends, there is no possible way for the brilliance of our intellect to grasp something that is true in the sacred space of the soul. Often they appear to be in conflict with one another–thoughts challenging the *knowing.

We must instead allow our deepest, most protected wounds to have voice, to become the gentle and compassionate whispers of our soul’s truth. THIS is the very place in which our human experience becomes consumated with the purity and purpose that lives in our soul. What we see on the other side will amaze and mystify–expanding so far beyond what we could possibly imagine. We become transformed, shifted into an evolved version of our spirit-selves. There is an illumination that accompanies such experiences. We have only to ALLOW it to be so.

Quiet Contemplation

Several times I’ve come to this place and begun writing. And each time, the Flow is absent and the words feel forced and pieced together. Can’t say I know yet if this time will be different, only that I will honor whatever comes through.

To take care of a bit of ‘business,’ I’m very happy to share that the kitchen/breakfast area is now PAINTED and BEAUTIFUL! A transformation has taken place in this area of our home, one that has been much needed for some time now. During my time away from blogging and social media, there has been a very acute connection to energy from a variety of perspectives, as well as a deeper realization of just how sensitive we are, and the way in which we honor who we are in the ordering our lives. 

My dear friend Cat recently shared a video of Caroline Myss speaking on being fearless, the power of Grace, our souls, Divine service–one out of a series of 11. As I sat and listened to each one, there was such deep and profound truth that rang clear in my soul. It was a reconnection, a realization and awakening still in process–one that I can feel such longing for. The ache for Divine connection is one that begs to be satisfied, and yet the irony is that there is nothing on this Earth that can rise to the occasion and do so. I don’t have the answers–and I won’t pretend I do. But I do feel a nearly desperate call for something ‘else,’ without any awareness yet of what that is. 

I also heard Suze Orman talking about how we relate to our money. ‘When we don’t want to look at or deal with something in our finances, it’s only representative of what we don’t want to look at or deal with in ourselves.’ I remember learning this to some extent several years ago when reading ‘The Energy of Money.‘ But as I listened to Suze, something inside my being began to shift, to get it, to awaken to this truth in a whole new way. I feel it, I am reminded of it from within myself on a near daily basis. And once again, I don’t have the answers, nor even a clear guidance on what to do with what I feel–and I won’t pretend I do. But I AM listening, alert and at attention. I am observing the hunger as it impacts even how I manage my money….or delay doing so. 

Back to the painting for a moment. As I began with just a few brush strokes–something immediately felt ‘right.’ Remember in that last post–when I DIDN’T paint? Turns out there was something much more universal at work–even more than I was aware of THAT day. I was going to use a lighter shade, so as not to darken the room. I wasn’t in love with the color–and so my love for painting would have been diminished by having to brush on a color that felt empty, boring, without life. Instead, I chose the shade I first loved, but ruled out due to its richness and the concern of it being ‘too much.’ See where I’m going with this, my friends? A mirror–that is actually being realized as I’m typing. This–a new angle I didn’t see before. It’s the same thing I’ve been trying to do to MYSELF–quiet her/me down…work very hard not to be ‘too much.’ Maintain status quo and don’t by any means stand out from the crowd. 

To be honest, I’m exhausted. It’s a bit unnerving, as I’ve done nothing to BE exhausted from–aside from continually exert enough energy to keep Jackie in that damn box. Ugh. I had no idea, truly, this post was going to end up HERE. Perhaps that’s what has kept me from writing…..the internal digestion of my being is hard at work just trying to stay alive in the midst of such treatment. 

As for the No Comfort Zone Challenge–it’s a daily experience for me. And sometimes trying to see and point out just how I’ve done it each week–already exhausting, too. My life is a practice in getting outside my comfort zone, letting truth weave herself into the fibers of who I am. In that series by Caroline Myss, she said something else that sunk deep into my core: You won’t ever heal as long as you are dishonest with yourself. Honesty–especially the kind that we stir about inside ourselves–is sometimes the greatest discomfort there is. And yet, it brings with it such peace, healing, liberation. 

Thank you all for holding space with and for me. I’m a bit behind in reading your posts…..but I do love connecting with the beautiful energies you are, the perspectives and wisdom you share through your own experiences and the honoring of your own and each other’s journey. We all have a story to share. Realizing the sacredness of it begins within ourselves. 

**To those who have honored me with Blogging Awards….I’ve not forgotten and although I have yet to pay forward the loving grace of being so honored in this way, I’m connecting with new sites that are very deserving of such accolades. More to come. xo