I began to write a ‘Happy New Year’ post on Facebook, and it formed into a letter as the words poured out. And so I find myself here, with so much I wish to say. The irony of this moment is that I was here just this morning, ‘Add New Post’ screen open and ready for all I held inside to fill the page. But nothing happened…
It’s the quote Oprah has shared several times that got me:
God has so much more for you than you could ever imagine for yourself.
My fingers were dancing across the keyboard, thoughts and images coming in waves. What am I thankful for? What changed? How am I different now from January 2012?
Lauren and Cliff – TWO of our beloved children are now off to college. Lauren recently said this is no longer her home, it’s now her parents’ house. She’s found so much of herself this year, a mirror of her own mother who’s been doing the same. She at 19, as I melted into being 40. Clifford becoming a young man as he steps off into his much desired independence. That’s been his gift to me, his quiet spirit guidance – ‘Mom, let it be.’ Jordan, who wasn’t so sure she would like being an only child for the first time in her life–this beautiful young lady (I want to say ‘girl’) unaware just yet of her impact on this world. I realize sometimes I don’t allow myself to sink into what it is to love, to know and to be mother to these three children of ours. It makes me weepy to sit in it for a moment. They’re amazing, these human beings.
I feel my inner critic reminding me how sappy this must be. But this is my blog, my space, my heart. This is her voice, here. Now. I couldn’t have imagined this life I have. I wouldn’t have thought to expect or ask for all that 2012 brought my way. It’s been an incredible journey deeper into our lives, into my self, my spirit, the interior of my soul. What I felt on January 2–Breaking Down the Box–became the theme of much of my year. Let go, release, liberate, allow. As Summer faded away and Autumn made her presence, the shift had occurred and was finding her way to the surface. With our family in transition and at ‘rest,’ I felt the call. It wasn’t what you might expect. There wasn’t any bolt of lightning. Steadily I’d felt it growing these last six months. And I couldn’t have imagine it this would be how 2012 ended.
Our children are nearly grown. Our marriage has strengthened – again in that quiet, subtle way – and our love has deepened. My heart is more open, although I would have thought it hard to believe that was possible. And not only my heart, my energy, my whole SELF. There’s a peacefulness I didn’t have a year ago. I’m content. (A little laugh here, remembering that ‘Contentment’ was the topic of my graduation speech, although I struggled to find any at 18.) I’ve created a business of my own, having desired and written about this in my journal for a couple of years. And this business is one that I love, that is of service to so many and creates a space of grace and collaboration–very fulfilling. We live in a new time, my friends. We’re alive at such an incredible time of our history. I am loving life and all She has brought to me in 2012. Every moment of heartache, every tear, kiss, smile and fit of laughter–I wouldn’t change a thing.
I couldn’t have imagined it. Ever. But here’s what I know–God imagined an extraordinary life for Jackie L. Robinson. I’m excited and so open to the moments of 2013–the ‘year of the soul.’ I’m in awe of this energy that has woven its way into my life, and I welcome all it has to offer.
Very deep gratitude to each one of you who is reading this, who’ve been here reading my words from the beginning and those who have recently connected. I’d love for you to leave a note so we can reconnect at the start of a new year. May 2013 bring your dreams to life, stir your heart with love, heal your pains. May you experience what it is to be at peace, to merge with the sacred, to feel abundant joy. May you open to all that awaits you. Believe in the most beautiful of who you are and trust there is a Force greater than you holding the rest. May it all be so. Much love to each of you. Happy 2013, my dear friends.