Beautiful Synchronicity

I was thinking this morning about relationships and what is unseen.  It’s taken me several years and several “layers” to appreciate a beautiful synchronicity between my husband and me.  Mind you, the appearance of it is not quite so stunning.  It goes something like this:  I’m aggravated because he seems to be preoccupied and isn’t “present” in our interaction, whatever it may be.  My aggravation makes itself known by saying something directed at him like “what’s wrong with you?”  Or a sentence that begins with “you”….”you’re not present, you seem upset, you’re a little tense.”  And I SO want to put it on him.  That he seems a bit “off” and is responsible for my aggravation.

But really – it’s me who’s feeling something.  I’m not feeling loved or I’m feeling distant from him.  I’m the one who has the aggravation and for him it’s like an ambush when I say “you seem upset?”  Rather than share with him what I’m feeling, I feel aggravated, rejected – and put it on him.  It must be that he feels something unpleasant and creates a blip in our screen of love.  Whether he is preoccupied with another area of life may or may not be true.  But if I’m coming to him and immediately projecting my feelings onto him, I will never know the true answer.  And I rob us both of honest and intimate communication.

Jenny McCarthy said of her breakup with Jim Carey that she took out a piece of paper and wrote down all the “negative” things she felt he’d done or not done in their relationship.  She then went down the page and crossed out Jim and wrote “I.”  Whatever she believed he had made her feel was all her own doing.  I love Eleanor Roosevelt’s quote:  “No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.”  My husband cannot make me feel unloved, unappreciated, unnoticed.  But I sure can.  I’m solely responsible for how I feel and how I see myself.  People and situations may come along that are upsetting, but then it’s up to me what I do with that experience.

And THAT is the beautiful synchronicity.  Just when I need to see myself clearly, appreciate my own value and know within who I am really am, I begin to feel my husband doesn’t.  This is God’s gift to us all.  We are paired in our lives with spouses, children, parents, siblings, co-workers, friends and loved ones with whom we share a contract to help one another grow and heal the places we are broken.

Truly, what I most need in those moments of aggravation is to listen to my own heart whispers.  For when I do, I understand the language of love that prompts me to cuddle up close and let love flow with my husband.  Even when I’m not feeling loved, I can always find within myself the desire to love.  It pulses with life and shines an exquisitely shimmering light.  I have only to pause long enough to listen….to see…..to feel.

This is my wish for you today.  Pause long enough to hear your own heart whispers of love.

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“Show Your Hair”

The following is from The Book of Awakening, subtitled “Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have.”  Author Mark Nepo has written a very poignant short message for each of the 365 days of the year.  It’s part of my new year gift to myself to spend some time with each day’s wisdom, allowing it to implant itself into every cell of my body and enhance my connection to Spirit.  I promise you, as you resonate with the universal truth offered in these messages, you will deepen your interior life….and open your inner ears to the whispers of your heart.

January 5

Show Your Hair

My grandmother told me, “Never hide your green hair – they can see it anyway.”                 ~  Angeles Arrien

From the agonies of kindergarten, when we first were teased or made fun of in the midst of all our innocence, we have all struggled in one way or another with hiding what is obvious about us.

No one plans this.  It is not a conspiracy, but rather an inevitable and hurtful passage from knowing only ourselves to knowing the world.  The tragedy is that many of us never talk about it, or never get told that our “green hair” is beautiful, or that we don’t need to hide, no matter what anyone says on the way to lunch.  And so, we often conclude that to know the world we must hide ourselves.

Nothing could be farther from the truth.  It is an ancient, unspoken fact of being that blackmail is only possible if we believe that we have something to hide.  The inner corollary of this is that worthless feelings arise when we believe, however briefly, that who we are is not enough.

~ Sit quietly, with your eyes closed, and with each in-breath feel the fact that who you are is enough.

I believe not feeling “enough” is something we all experience many times in our lives.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  We are created as Divine beings, in the image of God.  Within our makeup is the ability to understand wisdom, seek out truth and use our free will to choose what works best for us.  There is nothing in our existence that is meant to be robotic or programmed.  When we take on the belief that we are not enough, we begin to press ourselves into the shape that is most acceptable rather than embrace our natural selves.

Let yourself go, wear your GREEN HAIR proudly!  For it is your green hair that defines you as YOU and culminates the uniqueness of who you are.  And my lovelies…..YOU ARE ENOUGH.  Allow yourself to feel this, to take it in.  As the meditation above suggests – breathe it IN.  When you think of it today, breathe in “I am enough.”

When you connect to the Divinity that is you…..your heart will whisper her love for you……

On Being Broken

The message that continues to make its presence known is centered around transformation; letting go of what we hold onto so tightly, to allow for what is next to come through.

In Avatar there was a line:  “It is hard to fill a cup that is already full.”  When we spend our time and energy holding on to what WAS rather than looking into today and seeing what IS, we are robbing ourselves of the potential we all carry.  Spirit is speaking to us daily, offering us opportunities to create change, to be the architects of our own destiny.  Sitting still, we miss out on the gifts and miracles that will be the catalyst to transform our pain, our need to control, our fear, our self-destruction into healing, trust, peace, self-esteem and LOVE.

Can you imagine?  Love knocks on your door, desiring to be the center of your life, but asking you one thing in return:  you must give and receive her unconditionally.  You must put your ego on the shelf, quiet the need to be right, to be understood, to have it your own way…and choose…to LOVE.  We must allow ourselves to be broken, so that what we cannot see, but most need can enter the cracks of our soul, of our heart, and weave love into every crevice.

It was 3 or 4 years ago now that I did some work with Debbie Unterman, an alchemical hypnotherapist here in Atlanta.  During one of our sessions, I remember so clearly saying that I couldn’t let go, I couldn’t feel or relinquish control because I was like an egg – and if I did let go – I was going to break.  And from that session I learned, it was ok to break, for there would be a new me born of what remained.  I can promise you that my life has changed dramatically since then; perhaps less on the outside than from within.  My controller worked hard inside of my emotions, quieting my voice, dampening my spirit.  There were some very tough places along the way, in which I certainly did feel emptiness.  But love has and continues to fill those spaces, opening me to richness I could only have imagined.

Take a chance, let go, allow yourself to break, knowing the love and light will fill you up if you let it.  Open yourself, your spirit; listen to your own voice.  For it is then you will hear the whispers of your heart.