Strong language, I know. It’s necessary though, for what I’m about to share with you.
I became aware of it last year, witnessing myself and other women in my circles. And if there was anything this last year of my life was very much about – it was women in my circles. I can sense the shift for 2015, but that’s another post for another time.
What I started seeing was a pattern in us as women. When our intuitive voice begins speaking, when the ancient wisdom that we are more and more stepping up and claiming as real and true and alive and raw starts to activate – we have a response that for many, I feel, we are not fully aware is present.
What I noticed in myself was a sensation of what appeared to be jealousy, and was even perceived as jealousy by one of the most intimate female relationships I had at the time. I began to question my own self – WAS I jealous?
Jealousy is a word, an emotion, an energetic frequency that has ‘plagued’ my consciousness since I can remember. We’ve talked about that here and especially through my wildly popular post Beautiful Truth of the Green Eyed Monster. I don’t believe it’s as simple as ‘ being jealous.’ And when writing that particular post, I felt the pulse of something alive and naked in stating I don’t believe it’s jealousy at all. It’s a quest for love.
What I feel even more so now, is that’s true. AND, it’s our feminine intuition at play. I’ve witnessed women on multiple occasions move into a space of negative self talk and judgment about being insecure, unempowered, jealous, etc. when what was really going on is that they were sensing something that was beyond the physical line of sight. These women’s intuitive senses, the kind that are housed in the feminine womb, the center of our power especially when united to the heart, these senses have been turned on in these women – women who very much understand who they are. These are women who are tapping deep into the ancient ways of knowing, the ways of sensing and intuiting and connecting what is true in the Mysteries. And when they were being triggered that something in THEM was ‘off,’ needy, wrong, out of balance – what was really happening is that they were sensing intuitively something that may have felt uncomfortable and in many cases, required some realignment of their lives, belief systems or actions.
We’ve become so accustomed over lifetimes and experiences to ignoring what we feel. We’ve been told it’s wrong and we’re wrong for feeling it. So with time and repeated patterning, we’ve come to equate our intuitive senses with a hole that exists inside of us. I’m calling bullshit. It’s not real and it’s not true.
This is not to say we don’t have places in ourselves where we don’t feel whole or perhaps even act from a sense of who we are. I’m not speaking of that directly. I’m speaking of myself and of women who are in their bodies, in their hearts, and are waking up their senses in ways we haven’t known for centuries. It’s foreign to us, so we chalk it up to something that’s wrong with us inside for even having such an inkling.
And it’s not conscious. We aren’t aware it’s even happening at first. For me, it occurred on three separate occasions, offering a clear validation of what I began ‘seeing’ from a gentler perspective. The intuition, the knowing, was crystal clear. And initially it was only in looking back at a situation that the clarity revealed itself.
So I offer this to you, one woman to another. The next time you hear the self talk telling you you’re jealous, you’re insecure, you just want attention – take a step back, sink into yourself and ask if there is something deeper presenting itself to you. Ask yourself what it is that you ‘know’ that might feel foreign or uncomfortable in your body, in your psyche. Allow room for the possibility that it’s not your ‘ego’ but your beautiful feminine wisdom that is on lead. Trust her and give her room to lead you where she will.
I feel there is so much more here to discover, to unveil. We are so programmed to quiet our voice – both within and without. The ways in which it speaks to us are both miraculous and immense. No more quieting or hiding it away.