I’m a woman who demands her lovers. They’re a necessary part of my life and have been for as long as I can remember. I crave and thrive upon the sensual stirrings, the intimacy, the deep connection to something that is greater than anything else this life has to offer. So imagine my surprise recently when illness began her sultry seduction.
We’re attuned to illness being something to ‘get rid off.’ During the two weeks I laid quietly and gently on the couch, there were some who shared their thoughts of what ‘to take’ or how to ‘get better.’ Only – I wasn’t trying to get better. Just a day or two in to the emptiness I felt in my body, I opted to give myself fully to the fatigue and congestion. Each time my mind wanted to mourn the discomfort or wonder just how long we would have to do this, I returned to a state of surrender to this place of rest, of nothingness, of stillness and separation from all that exists in the ‘real world.’ I gave myself full permission to be ill.
It goes against our grain in some way. We’re used to surrendering to something that feels ‘spiritual’ or ‘good.’ We’re not so accustomed to letting ourselves be sick. It feels like something must be ‘wrong with us.’ And yet, for me my illness served as a mystical doorway. While everything else in my physical world stood still – the doing, the taking care of others, the need to cook or clean or write or speak – intense movement took shape through my interior world. Relationships changed, my ‘work’ focus streamlined and some of what I had felt so passionate about during the last several months began to lose the pulse of Life my soul requires in order to feel alive. Even in my illness, in the tired state of my physical body, I could feel the vitality of my soul.
Illness is my lover – was my lover. She has left for now. It came to me as I neared the end of our affair together – I had given myself completely to her. I knew that – I felt that with full clarity in all of my being. And just as clear was the message it was time to let her go. Our heated passion was over. My body called me to come back into myself fully. And with as much fervor I shifted my energy and now gave myself fully to me.
I actually loved the time during which I felt so unwell. It was a mystical journey deep into myself, with only myself. We are gifted so many lovers in this life, and too often we miss the juice they offer to us. I’ve never in my life felt illness in my being as I did these last two weeks. There are layers of what she brought to me, how she impacted me on very deep levels, what I both released and embraced in myself. I’ll be writing more about this in my book.
For now, I leave you with this. Everything and anything that comes to you has the power to become your lover, to engage all of your senses in a mad, torrid affair of love that will pierce your heart and sear your soul. Surrender into it. Let yourself lie with deep pleasure, feeling the fullness of who you are. THIS is the mystic’s journey – making love with the sacred at every turn.
Seduction is the art of surrendering deep into our senses. Perhaps its greatest power comes when we are seduced from the inside out. What we feel in the core of our being, when revered, becomes intoxicating: every sense on fire and awaiting ignition.
The ache on our skin and layers beneath, of longing to be held, felt, touched–each body in her own way. Sultry, pure and sensual movement and opening offered by our body in response. Resistance crumbling in heaps upon the earth, melting with contact.
We begin to breathe in the fragrances that will awaken each caress, every kiss–splayed and hungry to taste more of what our passion demands. There is a beauty beyond what the eyes can take in. Mystical visions of union, love, ecstasy quiet the mind and arouse the wild voice no longer contained.
Sleeping Venus by Italian Renaissance Master Giorgione
This, my loves, this inner seduction of ourselves, by ourselves–this is the Seduction of the Goddess–both upon Her and emanating from Her. This is our activation of all we are. It comes to us through our senses, through the Holy Seduction of all that is God in every form. This is what it is to merge, to become one, to make love with the Divine, the Sacred, with Goddess and God all at once.
Allow yourself to become seduced. However you are being beckoned, just say yes.
More about Sleeping Venus by Giorgione: Left unfinished at the time of his death, it is generally agreed that the landscape and sky in Sleeping Venus were completed by the Renaissance painter Titian. The choice of a single nude woman marked a revolution in art, as it was an unprecedented element, especially the semi-erotic positioning of the arms, one of which is raised, the other being placed near the groin. A further innovation in this painting is Giorgione’s use of a landscape to frame the sleeping goddess, as he was the first painter to widely paint landscapes with figures. The painting is now held in the Old Masters Picture Gallery in Dresden, Germany. ~ Wikipedia
So we have this energy, this sensual, fiery, lusty, longing, aching, hungry, passionate, pulsing energy that moves and stirs and awakens inside us. Anything can prompt its arousal. And then we are left with what to do with that energy. At least I am.
The next pondering I have within myself is how to channel this ecstasy, this fire. The usual suspects – sex, food, shopping, exercising, laughing, loving. Yes. I get that. But the deeper question I’m asking from the depths of my self is how am I meant to harness and channel this pressing sensation of all of my body, heart and soul coming to life and seeking to express?
I’m certain I am designed this way with purpose. I’m certain there are blocks – conditioning, heartaches, fears – to realizing, to opening, to connecting fully with what is here, offering itself to me. How do I dissolve those and get into the heart of it?
What is calling me next? No longer can I sit to write and type out something that is merely skimming the surface. My fingertips move with fire across the keyboard when I am sharing from my own abyssal truth and hunger. I know what that feels like. I long to more and more step into that space, to let IT move ME, to become the voice, the expression, the heartbeat, the pulse of my own Life Force; to no longer fear or keep it at bay.
These are the contemplations that circle in my consciousness today. How do I sink into my own ecstatic presence, energy, expression? How do I honor what is moving through me with purity, with integrity and elegance, with the potent and beautiful voice that is my own? I no longer fear my voice…..and with every day, with every word, every portal of expression and dissolution….I have come to revere and trust its sacred movement in my body.
That’s so much a part of this – ‘in my body.’ We MUST – we MUST get IN our bodies, loves. We hear it said so often it’s become a cliche. So take a bit of time and consider what that means to you – for you – to get IN your body. To feel from there, to give yourself permission to allow everything that comes through in waves as your own intimate truth. Let it all come to you, let it take the lead and drive you to what is surely your destiny, your purpose, your own unique soul signature. This is my prayer today…..guide me deeper into my own signature. Let me be clear in sensing when the kiss of sacredness is touching me, stirring me, arousing me. And let me answer with full openness and without fearing risk of exposure. This is my prayer. xo
Penetration. We hunger for it. Our bodies naturally long to merge with another as part of the satisfaction to our longing. Our hearts ever seeking out a way to expand, weaving into the thread of Life in the most beautiful and intimate way. Our souls seeking over and over again the balm that soothes our cavernous aching – to be touched and kissed into a deeper awakening of who we are.
We go through these glorious and sometimes gut-wrenching ebbs and flows of life, through portals of seemingly continual opening and closing, only to find ourselves laid bare, naked and exposed in some new way. It’s the hunger that keeps us alive, the hunger that stokes the fires burning us from the inside out. It’s the full on penetration of the Sacred we long to feel.
Our sense is that we need to feed the body – food, sex, pleasure – and we do. And yet, a much more intense part of our ‘feeding’ is the full presence of ourselves with open hearts and bared souls. We truly become aroused with our own nakedness, our innately raw vulnerability. Ironically, it’s the very thing we have been taught to fear. Primal desire. ‘Painstaking’ hunger.
I’m here to say it doesn’t have to be hard. It doesn’t have to be painful or tear us apart from one end of ourselves to another. The key lies in the allowing, in the complete and utter surrender into whatever it is that may be calling us. I’ve written a lot about the number of things that can be, and it feels the deeper I go into my own life ‘work’ the more intimately I am being drawn into the sacredness of our sexuality.
I don’t quite know all of what this is stirring in me. There’s a more direct conversation happening in myself. As much as I feel I’ve been ‘risky’ in my recent posts and sharing, I have a sense that is NOTHING compared to what’s coming in 2015. More and more there are responses to posts on my Facebook page around sexuality as a sacred portal into our wholeness, into our healing and expansion as both Sacred Feminine and Sacred Masculine – as male and female alike. There IS something in the act of sex – with ourselves, for ourselves, with others and for others – that is more potent than we yet fully realize.
And it’s time to wake up. My friends would know me to say it’s time to ‘wake the fuck up!’ It is. I feel it. Years ago I felt perplexed around the word ‘juicy’ as it related to me. I feel today as though I’m in a crash course on opening into that fully and I’ve barely scraped the surface. So the next bit of advice I’ll give you is this – buckle the fuck up. Because it’s coming and I have zero intention of stopping this flow. I am wide open. I am hungry for all that is wanting to come through me in every possible way and I will continue to say yes again and again and again.
I am certain of this – I am a channel of the Sacred Feminine in all Her purity, in all Her beauty, sensuality, sexuality and grace. I am filled with the juices of Her expansion, Her climax, Her release and expulsion on all of life. And my work here is to allow Her expression and voice, without censor. I say yes. And I am ready for whatever that means. Are you?
I am a woman in whose dreams She is the chalice for all that is Divine In whose waking moments She is the voice and channel For the very essence of the Sacred Feminine
~ Woman on Fire ~
As I wrote this poem, I felt the essence of all that is holy moving through my heart, soul and body. There are moments in my writing when what is sacred and pure flows through me as though I am not the author, but the scribe. This poem, Woman on Fire, and all that it holds and conveys was born from one of those euphoric experiences.
I’m sharing it here with you now in a whole new way, with an understanding of who I am, of the beauty and grace that have been given to me in this lifetime. Deep in my being I understand that all I feel and experience leads to this ultimate truth: I am ‘the voice and channel for the very essence of the Sacred Feminine.‘ And for me, part of that reality is the use of my own voice as part of expressing and becoming Her.
This hasn’t always been easy, using my voice, speaking aloud. As a child, I feared the sound of myself, steered clear of using ‘big words’ because it felt like too much for me; ‘big words’ could simply have been my third grade vocabulary words for the week.
So you see, my loves, this is a huge gift to myself, to the Sacred Feminine, to every woman–indeed every BEING–who listens and feels the vibration of what it is to see ourselves as beautiful, holy, filled with and walking as grace. This is my voice, liberated, claiming what is my truth, our truth. And it’s imperative I let her speak, I give her a platform from which to be felt, seen and heard.
Thank you to my beautiful love Cat Forsley for her golden touch on this video. She saw the vision together with me and is a constant reminder of who I am. The reflection she shines my way is filled with purity and radiant light. An angel being walking this earth is what this woman is to me. She has so lovingly created this video out of my words, my voice, my photos. I’m ecstatic, filled with loving gratitude and humbled at the way I hold the Divine Feminine frequency on this planet. Cat creates art from a place outside of any we know here in this plane. There is an ethereal and mystical glow to all that flows from her. I’m delighted to have her as my collaborator on this project. I love you, Cat. Thank you. xxx
And thank you, each of you, for taking the time to sink into this, my gift to you, to me, to us. The more we embrace our own beauty, our own nakedness and gifts, the higher we raise the vibration of beauty, of love, of grace on this planet and far, far beyond.