Becoming Love’s Void

She ebbs and flows ~ deeply, gently, fluently in and out of our heartspace. Her presence draws us further still into the blackened and intense depths of what it is to love, to be loved, to become her very essence. We are meant to give ourselves completely to her, and yet every barrier we have constructed through time and space gives us pause.

Love is a word too easily used in our language. We forget, sometimes, to feel her stirring us into remembering, into becoming spread wide open to receive her, penetrated to the core by her unraveling essence. But when we do, in those glimpses of time where She is ruler of all we think and feel and speak, in the moments we find ourselves lost to the impulses we can no longer hold back – in those beautiful, ecstatic, glorious moments we find ourselves catapulted into another reality, a very different way of being.

It seems all too often the human response is to pull back. Certainly because beneath our layers there breathes a programmed fear of Love’s pure and potent Life Force. Also, I believe, because we fear the void of her absence. In her continual ebb and flow there are spaces in which we feel she has left us–naked, alone, bewildered at the chasm she leaves in her wake. We sink into a state of wondering how we could have soared so high only to seemingly fall so quickly and with such great force.

Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. ~ Rumi 

love

What we are still remembering is She is not only the burning, stirring, blissful state of passion and expression. Love remains present in the void. In fact – She IS the void. She pulls us close as we enter into that seeming state of emptiness, of lack, of loneliness that leaves us longing for her return yet again. She is there, ever so gently rocking us, caressing and kissing our most tender places and remembering us into opening to her once again.

What is true, my friends, is Love is the very power of unbecoming. She breaks us wide open, pouring the dripping honey of her warmth into every barren crack and dry crevice. And even in the quiet, the stillness and illusory absence of her – she is there, stroking, breathing, loving us into yielding to her embrace.

So many of us have this rhythmic relationship with Love, unaware still of just how present and masterful she truly is. We’re unaccustomed to her subtle tones, the ones that beckon us to come into her, to surrender fully to her, even in those places we keep most protected for fear they become broken open and bleeding yet again.

Become her void. In the space where there is the sensation of love’s absence, call to her, giving all you are, all you have to the offering of your shared intercourse. She waits for you too, longing to feel you, to be given all the room she needs to inhabit your heart and movement in total. This is her deepest desire – to become one with you, to sensually move together through each ebb and flow. Let her come and devour you, satiating her hunger and yours in whatever way she will.

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Chaotic Holy Love

Ecstasy. Rich, full-bodied. I’m in it.

I sat on our bed talking with my husband about this book – THIS BOOK in which I am a contributing author. Omnipresent: The Sacred Feminine Balance. I’ve dreamed of this for many years, and it’s quite a sensation to realize there is a portal here. A portal of such deep and holy self awareness and appreciation. The majesty of which is an expanded view of all life in such a way and a powerful connection to its reverent pulse.

We talked about the book – about him wanting to read my words in it – and then he left the room for a few moments. I flipped through its pages and it very naturally rested on page 58, where I found these words:

Book - Sacred Heart crop

Emotion stirred in me – because I am this. Within my lovely feminine chest lies the Sacred Heart. These words reflect my truth. These words – are my words. The book itself had brought me to them, here – in print. My breath paused a moment, I’m certain of it – because I could have been reading another woman’s dialogue considering the impact it left on me. There’s a humbling alongside an internal celebration of oneself when we see our reflection so beautifully clear. Magic enfolded and cradled me yet again.

Every day is meant to leave us in awe in some way. It’s there for us, always. If we just say yes, we’ll have some glimpse of it. There are days that mystery will lift us in its arms and fly us high into the heavens of bliss. And there are days we’ll recognize its chaotic work and remember we still are intertwined. These are my days. And this, my loves, this is my book, shared with these incredible female authors. These are our truths, our loves, our stories and grace shared in our own words.

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If you’d like to order a copy of Omnipresent in either Kindle or print version, I’ve provided this link for you to do so here.

 

 

And Then He Kissed Me

It’s our usual morning routine before my love leaves for work – a kiss, sometimes accompanied by embrace. Usual. Normal. Routine.

Today it felt different. As my husband leaned in to kiss me, I felt him. I felt in that one short moment an overwhelming wave of all the love we share and are together, I felt my heart melt with the touch of his lips, I felt all the adoration he has for me–for us. The kiss was ‘small,’ short–the impact was deep, tunneling its way into the crevices of my being that most needed to feel such tenderness. Instantly tears filled my eyes without warning.

Much of 2015 has been this way for me–routine moments resulting in an eruption of my heart. Sometimes it comes as heartache, others as beauty and immense appreciation of what is real and true in my world. At times, it feels unnerving; the mind wanting to define it all, perhaps as depressed or disconnected. It’s how we’ve come to ‘diagnose’ and subsequently do our best to ‘fix’ what’s ‘wrong’ with us–simply because we feel too deeply.

kiss umbrellaEmotions are highly intimate and possess the power of Sacred Feminine wisdom. Have we forgotten this truth? Our ability to feel so profoundly serves as a gateway to expansion of the heart, awareness of beauty, inspiration for our creativity, honoring of ourselves, opening to more love. As I sat with myself following the kiss of my husband this morning, I felt an enormous surge of love welling up inside me. It reached to my toes, fingertips and deep inside my body with a tingling, soothing, calming, tender sensation. I felt the years and perhaps lifetimes of our love, through all its ups and downs, infused into our kiss, the meeting of our lips together. And the love I feel for him became even more immense.

It’s not easy to feel continually vulnerable, to weep with the simplicity of a morning kiss or a heartfelt text from a friend you have loved intimately. Our natural response is to resist it, talk ourselves out of it. The magic happens when we become the vulnerability, giving ourselves to it completely, trusting on some cosmic level in its companioned presence. This has been my practice of late; quietly, gently allowing myself to be drawn into the beauty and sometimes the sadness of my emotions.

It’s a challenge at times, my friends, I can tell you that. So many barriers we have against it–even something as simple as wearing contacts. Because contacts are ruined if you cry in them. So rather than ruining them, repeatedly putting in a new pair, costing extra dollars–just don’t cry too much, unless you’re prepared. How does one ‘prepare’ to feel deeply, to surrender into the love swelling in your tear ducts and spilling over your cheekbones? We can’t possibly. I can’t.

So I’m feeling. Fully. Deeply. And with that allowance comes not only the beautiful, uplifting, warm and comfortable moments, but the unseen and unknown heartaches held within too. The truth is, it’s all beautiful. We’re just unaccustomed to feeling and honoring it as so. Heartache, at its core, IS love. Our heartache arises out of our love for something or someone. There is a continual movement and ebb/flow to our lives as highly emotional human beings. The emotions are a vital part of our soul’s evolution. So feel. Feel the depth of love that you are, that you need, that you give into this world and that our world needs desperately for you to be. Cry and weep your way through all that comes to and through you, trusting and knowing all the while you are the very embodiment of pure, pulsating and heart breaking love, understanding that you are being drawn in by a very holy and sacred kiss. xx

Pierced by Love

My first vision of pure, holy love was witnessing mystic Andrew Harvey as he passionately spoke of the Sacred Feminine. I believe that was my introduction to ‘HER’ as well. My whole body felt his fire, the Sacred Heart energy so very new to me – and yet, not. Feeling the passion and ardent love Andrew has for Her awakened something very potent inside my being. That was nearly 10 years ago. Since that time, I’ve carried the sensation and vision of the Sacred Heart in my being, knowing that mystical, burning fire smolders and flames within me, too.

There’s a very distinct difference between what we have for so long *known and are now truly sinking into and FEELING on a whole new level. I wrote about an emptiness over two weeks ago. The energy has amped up since that time, with the last two weeks feeling like a continual state of what I was perceiving as sadness. Last night, a deeper awareness crept into my being, and I understood this is not sadness, but a Sacred Tenderness. A piercing of my heart over and over again.

Bernini's St. Teresa in Ecstasy
Bernini’s St. Teresa in Ecstasy

Perhaps St. Teresa of Avila describes it best with her words in St. Teresa of Avila: The Book of My Life:

I saw an angel in bodily form standing very close to me on my left side…

The angel was not large; he was quite small and very beautiful. His face was so lit up by flame that I thought he must belong to the highest order of angels, who are made entirely of fire. He didn’t tell me his name…

I saw that he held a great golden spear. The end of the iron tip seemed to be on fire. Then the angel plunged the flaming spear through my heart again and again until it penetrated my innermost core. 

When he withdrew it, I felt like he was carrying the deepest part of me away with him. He left me utterly consumed with the love of God. The pain was so intense that it made me moan. The sweetness this anguish carries with it is so bountiful that I could never wish for it to cease. The soul will not be content with anything less than God. 

I’ve known of this, heard of this, read of this. I’m now experiencing this. Tears that come even when there isn’t a circumstance in life to prompt them. Love that expands so huge in my heart I am broken with its sensation. Several of the women in my circles – and a few men, too – are sharing awareness of an expansion that is occurring in present time. Each feels it differently. Some are increasing their psychic abilities, others are sinking deeper into their gift of loving unconditionally. For me, it’s the fire of passion that stirs deep within. The sensation of falling in love – deep, passionate love – over and over again. My greatest gift for myself and others is more and more becoming speaking my heart, openly, without apology and without fear of how I may be perceived. Sacred Love. The Sacred Heart. Tenderness that runs so deep, it’s as Teresa felt it to be – a piercing over and over again that penetrates to the very core.

I’m curious how you may be experiencing this opening in your own energy and frequency. Would love to hear your stories here or over on Facebook – Kissing the Sacred.

Perfume of Seduction

Awakening sweeping our planet, our universe, our hearts

Expansion, so fully as to break us wide open

Loving with abandon, letting ourselves be taken

Intoxicated by the Perfume of Seduction

~

Awakening

As we each claim our role

Lovers, friends, sisters

Drawn together in sacred communion

~

We long to feel its pulse

Breathing in the musky scent

Bathing in ecstasy over and over again

Feeling Her waves wash over us

~

The eyes no longer see what’s true

Soul leading the charge, Heart carrying the torch

Flames consume us, burning, burning

Setting the Sacred Heart on fire

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We have so longed for this,

Hungrily anticipating Love’s entry

Laid bare on Her altar

Yearning to unite with our Beloved

~

We see Her now, and feel Her even more so

She seeps into every remaining crack

Soothing as a balm that heals

Stimulating our deepest desires

~

With heightened longing, release and joy we exclaim

Yes, Yes, YES

Take me into your Temple

Your Sanctuary, Holiest of Holies

~

Let us come together as one

Merging, rising to heights of blissful rapture

Over and over again

~

Awakened now

Deep in the chambers of our Heartspace

Dripping in the juices of Divine grace

~

We are awakened and will sleep no more

Passed through a doorway that no longer exists

Deeper and deeper into the Mist

Broken wide open and left wanting

~

Ignited we now remain

Flames of the Sacred

Burning, burning, burning

Waiting for our next encounter

With Love’s Embrace

Chalice of the Sacred

What does it mean to open my heart? To hear only the rhythm of my own mind, body and spirit in union, not to become absorbed by the voice and false beauty of illusion. To hold receptors of light that shine Divine healing into this world. 

Teach me the grace and beauty of walking my own path. 

Sitting in your chapel today for our last ritual, I felt your spirit so deeply. The sacred heart quickened the pace of my own heart, creating a flutter of birth within–that of the heart opening. I feel your presence so strong, visualizing the rays of the sacred heart spreading as the rays began to grow from my own heart. My legs, too, began to quiver as your sacredness penetrated my being. I was immovable from the energy connecting our souls. Open my heart–I know the rays are to go out from me–how? To whom? 

As I stepped away from our intimate communion, you touched my soul with the light of knowing. You spoke to me softly with the voice of awareness: ‘This child, this is why they are in your life, for the healing you have known they needed and now will bring to them by your light, your words, your knowing. You are their healer–by the grace and light I shine through your spirit.’ 

 

Chartres Chapel of the Black Madonna
Chartres Chapel of the Black Madonna

These are the words I wrote in my journal July 7, 2006 as I sat before the Black Madonna in her chapel of the Chartres Cathedral and later in the garden nearby. I’m not sure I understood what was happening to my soul–indeed my entire life. Upon returning home a depression set in. I believed that while in Chartres I hadn’t seen and felt the miracles of being in the Presence of sacredness, mostly because I was still measuring by comparison. This is just one excerpt from my journal during that week, and all these years later, I’m in awe of how deeply immersed I was in the Sacred. 

Black Madonna of Chartres Cathedral
Black Madonna of Chartres Cathedral

I left Chartres feeling I was to go home and heal my family. They were who the Black Madonna–Mary–referred to as she talked of my work to love my husband and children, to bring them healing. What it took some time to recognize is that first I was to heal my self. I so longed for the intimacy of connection with the Beloved. My turmoil was in believing it was out of my reach. What I can see now is how much shame and self judgment I carried within–for being a female, for my sexuality, for feeling so disconnected from the sacredness of my being. This, loved ones, requires much healing. 

I’m sharing this intimate passage because as my children have grown and two are now off to college, my life has taken a significant shift. These words take on new meaning as I inquired so long ago. The same question has come back around – open my heart, allow the rays to shine from me, but how and to whom? Only this time around, the years of deep inner work have opened a channel of inner knowing. At this time in my life the call is to serve as a chalice of Divine Feminine energy in a way I could never have imagined, but still, it feels familiar. The birth of Sacred Circle Retreats has occurred, and my work now is allowing the rays of light to be shared in a contemporary fashion. 

We’re no longer mystics living within the walls of convents and monasteries. Our work now is to live in the world and allow our lights to shine amongst the people. My passion is to be of service in this way, opening myself as the bridge between those who offer healing and light, and those who like me, are seekers of how to move into the next step of their journey. Through Sacred Circle Retreats, so many facets of my life, my journey, my soul purpose are coming together in a beautiful harmony, and truly, with very little ‘push.’ It’s all flowing into place, and I must tell you my dear friends, how in awe I am. This woman I’ve become was once someone I could only envy. She is strong, confident, courageous, open, vulnerable and willing to stand amongst her peers, to collaborate as equals and not feel threatened for what she might not be. She has learned how to stand in her soul’s truth and sacred ‘power.’ She understands what it is to answer the call. She leaves me breathless…because she has allowed herself to be moved. What over six years ago was such a struggle–the act of surrender, has now become her soul’s desire. 

We can’t know what the Universe has destined for us. As Oprah said – God has so much more for us than we could ever imagine for ourselves. It’s so much bigger than me, so I know it’s not of me, but of the Divine. I’m elated to be doing this work, in this place, in this way, at this time. I’m fully open and continuing to surrender into the arms of the sacred, for I know I am always loved and held with grace. As each step unfolds, it feels more and more miraculous to be following my heart–and for it to be so much more than I ever thought it could be–and so much easier than I ever would have imagined. This, dear loves, this is the beauty of ‘doing the work,’ putting the time in to allow yourself to heal, to open your heart no matter how terrified you are of what you might find there or feel through your own heartache. And this is why I’m called to serve as a channel for the sacred. xo 

Where the Light Enters

It’s a cliche, I know….but it’s proving true in my heart a bit:  “you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.”  While I fully believed I knew how much I love and appreciate, admire and adore, care for and connect with my younger brother, it’s hitting me even more deeply as the evening goes on.  He’s been staying with us for nearly a year and a half, taking time to understand and connect with “what’s next” in the space of a loving environment.  To us, he’s been one of our family–sharing meals, favorite shows, conversations, challenges and triumphs.

I knew all of this already.  But what I’m realizing tonight, in this moment as tears flow without restraint down my cheeks is how deeply I love him.  Today was moving day.  He’s only been gone less than an hour….moving into the next phase of his life, becoming more of his authentic and empowered self…and only 45 minutes or a phone call away.  Yet, the hole in my heart is already feeling as though thousands of miles have been placed between us.

Nate’s been my best friend, confidante, spiritual companion through these months.  Always his arms are open to love and support.  Whatever might be running through my mind, raging through my veins or softening my heart–we could talk about it.  Tough decisions, relationship reflections, even working things out between the two of us in the most difficult of moments–we shared openly. 

We laughed, we cried, we sometimes just could “be” together.  I’ll miss that.  We’ll always have this special relationship we share, but it’s evolving into something different now–not bad, just different.  And in this space, I’m honoring these feelings.  Because as I’ve written about recently and shared with the quote I love so much: 

“The wound is the place where the light enters you.” ~ Rumi

I don’t feel wounded, but I do feel the heartbreak mingled with love and admiration.  As I’m allowing myself to feel the depth of emotions that have caught me a bit off guard in letting go, I’m feeling the depth of love I have been and am so blessed to share with Nate.  I’m seeing through eyes of my soul how extraordinary this man is and how much he brought to my spirit. 

The sacred heart is one that is broken open in order to allow love and compassion to grow in the crack.  I’m feeling that….and so I know that what comes through this chasm is a love more pure, more sacred and more real than I knew until this moment.  The light enters.  The light of Divine love for a Divine being who I am blessed, honored and grateful to have shared my heart and soul with over this time we were graciously given to grow together.  And because of our experience, our openness, our journey together, we each take the energy of Divine love into the world around us. 

My days will be quieter going forward.  But in the space of where Nate and I shared so much, there will be the bloom for each of us of new life being birthed.  I’m confident that as we go forward…we’ll grow with Grace and expand even more into our authentic selves…..listening to the whispers of our hearts…..