A Religion of Her Own

It might be easy to say
I came to this place
In search of my self,
Only – that couldn’t be true.

I know who I am, this woman in me.
We are an infinitely intimate love affair.

The truth would be
I came here to feel
With intensity
The flames of her holy burning fire.

I came to this place to claim for my self
And on behalf of others,
Yet another gathering up of her pieces.

Smattered like crumbs from there to here;
A guide through the senses
To her inner castle of sweetness.

I met her there:
The radiance within my self.

Together we danced
On a warm spring breeze,
Playing hide and seek
In the mighty grove of pines.

Hand and hand we walked naked as One,
Through the glistening kiss of golden sun rays.

Sun Kissed

Calling grace and tenderness
As midwives to serve
In the holy unveiling of my deepest love.

My Divine Beloved
Is for me Everywhere.

In my words
And the rain
Through my food
And the arts,
You entered my body.

My Sacred Heart
Splayed apart,
Pierced by the holy sword
Of your fierce love.

I came here for this,
To meet you
And feel you.

Making love together
As the bird and tree,
As both sun and moon,
Asleep
And awake.

I came here for you
To whisper the song
Of re-member-ance
Into my being.

Drawing me in more deeply
To you
And to me.
Each of us – my Beloved.

 

I Fell in Love With My Ovaries Today

We’ve lost the art of loving ourselves through the ages of time and patriarchy. Rather than wholeheartedly embracing and feeling the power, the beauty, the grace, the majesty of our bodies, we began to shut it all down placing our Life Force on hold. We shrank inside ourselves as all ways of the Divine Feminine were silenced in fear and shame.

I’ve been listening to a series entitled Female Sexual Soul Healing offered by Leyolah Antara of Kundalini Dance – and to say it’s transforming would be a huge understatement. The session I listened to today was ‘Ovaries.’

I’m not sure many of us have ever connected with our bodies in this deep way – to feel, sense, love and feel loved by the energetic and physical matter of who we are. It’s not simply about a body part, but all the experiences, energies, exchanges, beliefs, patterns and subsequent reinforcements they carry. When we open into relationship with our body, with our sexual organs specifically, we unlock a power that has for most of us, been hushed and darkened our entire lives.

Sensual Feminine

In a deephearted conversation with one I love last night, I heard myself saying – owning – fervently out loud ‘I MATTER.’ It’s not a statement we’re prone to allowing ourselves to feel in its fullness, nor to dare speak aloud. It carries old vibrations of selfishness and believing we’re better than we really are. Not so in the ovarian palace. In this space of a woman’s body there is a regal worship and honoring of all she is. Her intuitive senses are embraced, cherished and held in the highest regard. Her worth as a woman radiates with crystal clarity. Her presence and grace in this world, her ability to bring love and healing through her very own Life Force breathes a power that is both understood and wholly welcomed and loved here.

This series is changing me, cleansing me of what has been stored in my body, my dna, and the energetic and physical bodies of women for lifetimes. It’s potent, and with each of the 11 sessions moves deeper and deeper into the heart of what it is to embody, to immerse ourselves in the Divine Feminine. I’m only at the halfway point and there is a stirring in my being that is outside anything my mind could begin to conjure up or create. The energy is real, the healing so very gentle with a cosmic expansion of our purest essence and holy presence.

Today I fell in love with my ovaries as though we were meeting for the first time. I saw and felt their love, their beauty, and the pulsing, sacred breath of life they are. I experienced their connection to my heart, my womb (center of the ovarian palace) and my creativity. These sessions are a sinking into who we are as women, not only from the ancient threads of our existence, but through this moment in time where even more of our feminine creativity, love, healing and compassion are present and available to us.

I’ve seen several offerings from Leyolah over these last few years, and even felt a pull to a couple; albeit a pull that never fully drew me in. Upon reading about and feeling into this series, I was immediately compelled to take part. My 21 days will be stretched over time, and sometimes I listen to the sessions out of order – honoring my intuitive senses and the pull of my own body. This – the beauty and art of being a woman, of listening and responding ever so gently and lovingly to the call of our own inner truth – this is the inner alchemy in which I am immersing myself completely.

An Unexpected Call

It was an odd day yesterday. As I shared with my intimate circle of women, there was a restless energy creeping up all around me, actually from inside. My resident ‘screaming woman’ began to make her presence known, signaling something was for sure out of balance from the depths of my being.

My dear, beloved soul friend Joss suggested a bit of music and a practice of moving my body–DANCE. The resistance was immediate, my inner Wild Woman beckoned me, but that old familiar quicksand holding me in place. I’m blessed to have had a beautiful space in which to voice all that I was feeling, to process it, to allow it and to move through it. She had her way with me, this Wild Woman Divine Feminine, and together we lit candles and prepared to dance.

This type of being with myself hasn’t been part of my life in quite this way, so as you might imagine, felt a bit uncomfortable in places. The music, my mind began to focus on finding the right music. Something sensual that inspired a release and letting go, that allowed my body to take over and my thinking self to sink into the background. Ray Lamontagne–my sister loves his style, ‘soulful’ she calls it–ok for a moment, but no, the energy just wasn’t moving, my thoughts remained at the forefront. I tried several other options that seemed as though they should have done the ‘trick’–whirling dervish music, my favorite Jimmy Buffet and a couple other styles. Nothing. Frustration began to set in, and of course that intellect was pleased with the outcome. ‘Told you so.’

dancePausing, I stopped to check in with what I’ve always loved. What used to inspire me to get up and move? What were the songs I would love to sing out loud and just had to feel the rhythm of their energy? Madonna. Always a love of mine. It seemed silly, but ok, I gave it a try. The Madonnna-ish radio station on my tablet began with a Gloria Estafan song and my body knew just what to do. She moved in ways I didn’t expect–not a sultry, sensual unleashing, but a Wild Woman-feel-every-beat-and-just-let-go response. I was quite taken aback and just let myself go with it, tensions melting away.

The AHA! moment that came was this: it wasn’t about allowing my body–giving her permission–to be sexy. It was about dissolving restrictions to just simply moving to the rhythm because of her fear she might be perceived as ‘too sexy,’ too much of all those ugly words we’ve heard said about a beautiful, alluring woman. It wasn’t about whether I was that or not, but about transcending those old patterns and just FEELING into it. It was quite welcomed to just move, to just be, to allow and to not have a care of how it looked or might be perceived.

For too long we’ve held these fears tight to our heartspace, suffocating our spirits, clogging up the intuitive channels of our body’s language and wisdom. It was such a beautiful experience, very different from what I would have ‘written’ for myself. Some of my learned yoga poses (there is much to this occurring, too much to share here) even came into play and felt magnificently empowering in every cell.

This is the spirit, the energy, the call of the Wild Woman. To be and honor who we are. We’ve restricted ourselves and then written a story about who we are that we can’t possibly live up to, mostly because it’s not our authentic truth. My commitment to 2014 is to release the untruths about myself–from within–and to integrate the authentic pieces of who I am even more.

I’d love to hear your Wild Woman stories – whether you are male or female, because this goes beyond gender specifications. Whether from your own experience or something you’ve witnessed. And I’d love for you to consider how you might honor the Wild Spirit you carry within the entirety of your being. She presents differently on each one of us, and yet at the core, She is the very same Presence we are each tuning in to.

I’m reminded of my own commitment to Dance Out of Control….

“living eulogy.
she danced.
she sang. she took.
she gave.
she loved.
she created.
she dissented. she enlivened.
she saw. she grew. she sweated.
she changed.
she learned. she laughed.
she shed her skin.
she bled on the pages of her days,
she walked through walls,
she lived with intention.”
― Mary Anne Radmacher

Woman’s Wildest Sexuality

“In the sacred, the obscene, the sexual, there is always a wild laugh waiting, a short passage of silent laughter, or crone-nasty laughter, or the wheeze that is a laugh, or the laugh that is wild and animal, or the trill that is like a run on the musical scale. Laughter is a hidden side of women’s sexuality; it is physical, elemental, passionate, vitalizing, and therefore arousing. It is a kind of sexuality that does not have a goal, as does genital arousal. It is a sexuality of joy, just for the moment, a true sensual love that flies free and lives and dies and lives again on its own energy. It is sacred because it is so healing. It is sensual for it awakens the body and the emotions. It is sexual because it is exiting and causes waves of pleasure. It is not one-dimensional, for laughter is something one shares with oneself as well as with many others. It is a woman’s wildest sexuality.” — Women Who Run With The Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estes

 Marilyn laughing

I love this quote because we don’t always consider our laughter a part of our sensual energies, something that is wild and sexy about us. And yet, the expression of our most raw emotions including laughter is the beautiful fluid presence of the Divine Feminine. I’m curious, when you read the post above, what reaction you feel within yourself–are you open and feeling the radiant glow of your inner fires? Let us welcome in the true sensual love and sacredness of joy and laughter in our lives as we move into 2014. May we each expand into the beauty, grace and sensuality of who we are and savor every moment of our lives in a whole new way. Much love to you…xoxo

Immaculate Embrace of Love

She enters with a desperation, initiating deep longing in the very core of our being. Stirring, churning, awakening. She is a force to be reckoned with, for she doesn’t accept no for an answer. Although relentless, she remains gentle in her approach, ever willing to wait for our consent. All the while, she burns deep into our being, leaving her fiery imprint on our most interior and vulnerable space.

Her desire is for intimacy, passion and heated discomfort enough to create an opening for her entry. She is tender, holding a beautiful frequency of unconditional love. And if we allow her to penetrate, she will fill every crevice with an insatiable ache for her warmth.

AngelGoddess
Original artist of this gorgeous Divine Feminine art was unable to be verified through the internet. I would love to give credit, so please do let me know if you have information. xo

She does not disappoint, for when she does make contact–when she does find her way into the dark chalice of our being, she fills us with an inexhaustible reservoir of grace. She exhumes the shallows of our human understanding of what it is to love, what it is to be the vibration of pure love.

And she is calling. She calls to you. She calls to me, to us–with a ferocity unmatched by any other. Her warm heat flows over, around and between us, creating sacred bonds that cannot be undone. She opens us fully, spreading apart our resistance, dissolving every utterance of fears. She is pure, chaste, immaculate–devoid of shame or guilt. She knows no boundaries, nor needs any. She is All. She is you. She is me. We are One.