‘I Started My Bleeding Today.’

It’s not something we often hear or even imagine one woman saying to another. Instead there are sentiments of ‘Ugh, I got my period today.’ Or ‘I hate my period.’ Bit of a sad statement considering as women we bleed every month for much of our lives.

I envision a space where one woman can say to another ‘I started my bleeding today’ with a deep sense of her self, of her body, her holiness and the gift she is to be able to release every month what is no longer needed within her being. I imagine the woman to whom she is speaking responding with such warmth and honoring, with the consciousness of how uniquely coded our blood truly is, of all it carries–opens–awakens within us.

The time of our bleeding is one of deep power. It holds a thread that connects us to every other woman who is living or has ever walked on this Earth. We are bonded together through our blood, through our ability to give life in all forms, through our Divine Feminine lineage and legacy.

karol bak red
Artist Karol Bak 

We are given this space every month in which to become still, fully present with our bodies. It becomes necessary for us to shift the ‘usual’ course of our lives, our activities, our eating habits, our emotions. Our bodies taking on fully the role of master as they orchestrate yet another great unveiling of the power we carry inside.

I wish for every woman to feel the sacredness present in her time of bleeding. I wish for her to share her experience with another woman who can hold a holy space of honoring her for the great Goddess and Creator she is.  I wish for each woman to sink deep into herself with a knowing of the wisdom, creativity, nurturing, grace and beauty her blood offers to her.

The more we are able to tune into our bodies, our hearts, our wombs as women who bleed, the more aware we are of how this time works with us on a very unique and individual level. We begin to sense our time before the signs ever arrive. We notice the way our bodies gently and masterfully guide us into our own essence and the reverence of all we are.

Consider as a woman how it might feel to embrace this intimate and transformative sanctuary within yourself. Consider as a man how you can even more fully honor the women of your life with an open conversation and willingness to be present with her own personal story and experience around her bleeding. There is a beautiful and stunning unveiling awaiting us all in the conversation – of this I am certain. We have much to unlearn, unravel and awaken.

Related posts:

How Do You Bleed

Sacred Blood, Holy Grail

Deepening the Layers

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I Fell in Love With My Ovaries Today

We’ve lost the art of loving ourselves through the ages of time and patriarchy. Rather than wholeheartedly embracing and feeling the power, the beauty, the grace, the majesty of our bodies, we began to shut it all down placing our Life Force on hold. We shrank inside ourselves as all ways of the Divine Feminine were silenced in fear and shame.

I’ve been listening to a series entitled Female Sexual Soul Healing offered by Leyolah Antara of Kundalini Dance – and to say it’s transforming would be a huge understatement. The session I listened to today was ‘Ovaries.’

I’m not sure many of us have ever connected with our bodies in this deep way – to feel, sense, love and feel loved by the energetic and physical matter of who we are. It’s not simply about a body part, but all the experiences, energies, exchanges, beliefs, patterns and subsequent reinforcements they carry. When we open into relationship with our body, with our sexual organs specifically, we unlock a power that has for most of us, been hushed and darkened our entire lives.

Sensual Feminine

In a deephearted conversation with one I love last night, I heard myself saying – owning – fervently out loud ‘I MATTER.’ It’s not a statement we’re prone to allowing ourselves to feel in its fullness, nor to dare speak aloud. It carries old vibrations of selfishness and believing we’re better than we really are. Not so in the ovarian palace. In this space of a woman’s body there is a regal worship and honoring of all she is. Her intuitive senses are embraced, cherished and held in the highest regard. Her worth as a woman radiates with crystal clarity. Her presence and grace in this world, her ability to bring love and healing through her very own Life Force breathes a power that is both understood and wholly welcomed and loved here.

This series is changing me, cleansing me of what has been stored in my body, my dna, and the energetic and physical bodies of women for lifetimes. It’s potent, and with each of the 11 sessions moves deeper and deeper into the heart of what it is to embody, to immerse ourselves in the Divine Feminine. I’m only at the halfway point and there is a stirring in my being that is outside anything my mind could begin to conjure up or create. The energy is real, the healing so very gentle with a cosmic expansion of our purest essence and holy presence.

Today I fell in love with my ovaries as though we were meeting for the first time. I saw and felt their love, their beauty, and the pulsing, sacred breath of life they are. I experienced their connection to my heart, my womb (center of the ovarian palace) and my creativity. These sessions are a sinking into who we are as women, not only from the ancient threads of our existence, but through this moment in time where even more of our feminine creativity, love, healing and compassion are present and available to us.

I’ve seen several offerings from Leyolah over these last few years, and even felt a pull to a couple; albeit a pull that never fully drew me in. Upon reading about and feeling into this series, I was immediately compelled to take part. My 21 days will be stretched over time, and sometimes I listen to the sessions out of order – honoring my intuitive senses and the pull of my own body. This – the beauty and art of being a woman, of listening and responding ever so gently and lovingly to the call of our own inner truth – this is the inner alchemy in which I am immersing myself completely.

To the Aroused Man: I Meant to Turn You On

‘Your posts are very arousing Jackie- damm I get hard reading them.’

My whole self froze upon reading this message in my inbox, following my last post. It’s not new – turning men on by simply being me. I’ve always felt and known it – sometimes consciously, other times it’s crept up and caught me completely by surprise. And the response is most often the same: I freeze for a moment when it’s unsolicited by my own physical arousal, by an intention to get ‘his’ attention. I’m well aware when that energy is present in myself–and when it’s not.

So when I read these words, I felt old stirrings of shame come flooding in. Self doubt and questioning – am I cheapening the Sacred Feminine by speaking what I am so passionate about? In stepping deeper into my own voice and expression, is there a disservice being done to others?

aroused

The one truth that really seemed to matter rose to the surface of it all: I MEANT to arouse you. By the very nature of who I am I arouse – with my body, my words, my energy, my voice, my truth – all of who I came here to be in this life is arousing. And now that I am at this place of fully embracing that in myself, of understanding it’s meant to be this way, the arousal is fully conscious.

Only my intention isn’t simply to arouse your body. I appreciate fully that impact on your being, because for most of my life that’s how I translated passionate, ignited sacred energy flowing through my body – sexual. It always felt that my exhilaration, my enthusiasm, my greatest moments of life had some tie to being sexually turned on. And for years I felt confused by this reality, shamed by it really. I felt I was wrong, cheap, dirty because my body responded to all forms of arousal in a sexual manner.

I offer to you this: we are meant to feel the vibration of who we are in this way. The sexual response is but ONE way to channel that energy, and unfortunately for so many, it’s the only way we are attuned to feeling who we are. If you’re like me, you feel that sensation and then are hungry for some form of lusty fulfillment. In most cases, that doesn’t come the way we long for it to, and all that’s left is the emptiness of wanting, the desire to feel everything in your body become kissed and stirred into awakening once again.

So yes, I meant to turn you on. And my intention is this: to turn on every sense in your body so that you cannot escape your hunger for all that is raw and pulsing in your being, and you must embrace it rather than seek to release it. It’s something I’m really just beginning to put into practice myself, so we’re in this together. We are sexual beings, and it’s time we allow our sexuality to become a doorway to the mystical. It’s time we recognize we have a power to be aroused that goes beyond sexual exchange.

What I love about this message is that my words are having the desired impact. In spite of the moments when our bodies are turned on and we feel we could become sexual with anyone who crosses our path, what we are opening is something much more powerful. And we’ve not yet fully stepped into that power. To keep it only ‘sexual’ is to keep it small. It truly encompasses how we love, how we live, how we speak, eat, laugh, breathe. This power has the capacity to awaken, to arouse, to ignite every area of our lives if we give it room to do so.

To become turned on is to become steeped in the beauty, the fire, the grace, the holiness of who we are, of all this world has to offer us, of the power that moves the blood through our veins. Doesn’t it make sense that blood would move into the most intimate places of our bodies and create a response that feels very sexual?

There are no answers here, only one woman sharing her story, her insights, her truth. I offer this to you for consideration. What if there is no more shame in your body? Who would you be then? I believe with all my being that my pure expression is here to arouse every sense, to turn you on, to dissolve the residues of shame that keep you from your authentic power. I challenge you, when the blood begins to pump, when your whole body is turned on high – consider all that is available to you. Feel deeply every sensation that is awakening you, cleansing the residues of your old stories, stirring your passions into life. Feel the sexual response in your body, with full awareness this isn’t simply a sexual experience. It’s actually a language your soul is speaking to you; a liberation of the chains that have kept you in place. Feel it as such, and give movement to your arousal in ways you have not yet known.

So to the men and women alike who feel yourselves aroused by my writing and energy – I meant to turn you on. I meant to bring to you a doorway through which to feel your sacredness. When it comes to meet you, allow the sensation of being a divinely awake human being. Allow the dialogue to be shared with your body, with your soul. Because some part of your truth is seeking its way to you. The Sacred Feminine is fondling the most sensitive parts of your being. How will you respond?

Feminine Power of Penetration: No More Playing Small

I love the sensation of being penetrated. There’s nothing like the presence of my lover buried deep inside me with a fire of passion that calls us together, blazing in the heat of sweet surrender. What I’ve come to understand recently is that even as I am being penetrated physically and energetically by my love, there is a simultaneous penetration of my own taking place.

In the act of making love, the penis enters the vagina. Repeatedly. We’ve understood this for years to be the way of sex. We’ve also experienced and attached to it the idea that men have the power and women surrender ourselves to that power. There can be a beautiful truth in this reality, but it requires that we let go of the histories with which we have become so familiar. We must relinquish our role as ‘victim’ in the feminine sense, and understand the power of choice in the act of surrender to our love. Surrender isn’t solely about ‘giving in’ – it’s very much about allowing, inviting, welcoming.

Marilyn

Because here’s what’s true, my loves. It’s not only men who penetrate when it comes to making love. We as women carry our own exquisite art of penetration. As we passionately contract our vaginal walls around our man’s presence in our bodies, there is a feminine penetration taking place. He may be buried deep inside us, but our energy and fire surround him fully, penetrating the very essence of his being.

We carry the power to satiate, to ignite, to soothe or spark. Moving in harmony with all his body communicates to us, we have the ability to receive all he offers, simultaneously injecting our adoration, tenderness, healing fires into his being.  This is the energy of the feminine. She is the giver of life, healer, seductress. She is the balm that cures whatever ails her lover. When we as women really begin to sense, allow and embrace this truth, it transforms us, our lovers, our entire sexual experience.

The desire for penetration is real – male or female, masculine or feminine. The power to do so exists in each one of us. This is our time to stand up and claim our power, to step out of our smallness, proclaiming who we are as loud and strong as we need. Women who honor the fullness of who we are become graced with the gift of cleansing and awakening penetration. We tap into something still lurking in the shadows of our time. We change the story and shift the scales. There is no more separation of the masculine and feminine through the energy of victim/perpetrator. We become lovers of one another, exchanging the gift of entrance and invitation with each other. This is where our power lies. And it’s time we owned it all.

I Make Love to Change the World

The world will be saved by the western woman. ~ Dalai Lama

We’ve all heard this quote by now, haven’t we? We’ve ridden the wagon of feminine empowerment, liberation, freedoms for some time–and made great progress with still more to come. Women are more and more unveiling and embracing the truth of who we are, of the power we carry, of the ways in which our presence and energy impact this world.

I don’t believe it’s as simple as this quote, however. In fact, something inside me has shown up in questioning response since I read it. I couldn’t hear it at first–the work of releasing myself from inner and outer prisons much too loud inside my being. Today, that little ‘ping’ finds crystal clarity.

This world cannot be saved by women alone. We are potent creators, givers of life, lovers of fierce and noble men and women alike. But we are not the saviors of this planet.

couples

What I believe to be offered within this quote and so many others like it, is the unshackling of women. Unshackling ourselves from false truths, from ‘nice’ ways of walking in this world, from victim mentalities, from needing to be like men in order to feel equal. And through the unchaining of ourselves, we in turn become sovereign, claiming fully the power that is ours; ours because it lives inside us. This has been a necessary part of the process, however it is not the ultimate destination.

And our men are in the process of doing the same work; of reclaiming themselves, opening their hearts, allowing vulnerability in how they feel, speak and love. It looks different on the outside, but the interior tearing down and raising up is very much the same.

I want to pause here and say it’s not simply about men and women, heterosexual terms. There are many same sex couples whose masculine and feminine energies ignite and balance much the same way as do those of heterosexual couples. Just as some have many lovers while others choose marriage or monogamy. Drop the rules. Toss out the old language and see beyond the surface.

Women and men alike – masculine and feminine energy each coming together in sacred union, in fiery passion and expansive love for each other – that is what will change this world. It’s the allowance within each one of us that creates the massive alchemy required to open hearts, ignite wombs, heal heartache, empower the generations that follow. It’s a dance of masculine and feminine burning in the fires together in whatever form you wish to take it: your own inner marriage of the two and/or your partnering with the ‘opposing’ energy.

The key is wide open embrace to oneself. The more we steep in the heat of our true expression, our raw emotions, our pure essence, unique personal power and way of walking this world, the deeper we come alive. We bring that life to our work, our creativity, our health, our conversations, to our love and to our partners. There is a holy fire of union shared between us and the masculine/feminine counterparts we choose and are.

Women will change the world. Men will change the world. The masculine is a driving force in blazing new trails, just as the feminine is the passion for doing so. Each burning on its own, expanding to new depths and heights through the mutual love and merging. Making love will change the world. It’s all in how you choose to do it.

Claiming our Feminine Sexuality

We have forgotten we are holy. In the throes of patriarchal rule, we left behind our ability to serve as channels of the sacred. There was a time in the history of women when we were the means through which men (and likely other women) found their way to divine awakening–through the act of being sexually intimate with a woman. We – as women – have forgotten we are holy.

Our sexuality is our own. It belongs solely to us. And yet, we leave it sitting on the shelf until it’s called for by someone else who wants it. We have forgotten how to live and breathe as the sensual beings we are, the holy deities of the Goddess we are. We no longer remember what it is to exude and express that essence beyond the call of our lover to be sexual.

We wait to be desired and wanted as validation of our worth. Rather than understand the purity of being Woman, we set her aside until another confirms through their desire that we are something to be valued, loved, adored, cherished. The question I pose to you today is how do we reconnect to that essence? How do we reclaim our own sexuality in its fullness, in its beauty and hallowed grace?

aphrodite
‘Venus’ by Diego Velazquez, 1599-1660

There are very nice phrases we’ve come to use, such as ‘love yourself first.’ Yes, I believe we’re very much remembering how to do that. And I don’t sense this is about loving ourselves. This is about a fundamental disconnect from our sexuality, from the power of what it is for us as women to own our sexuality and perhaps even more so from an acceptance by ourselves of who we are as sexual beings. We’ve become so ‘pure’ in accordance with societal, religious and cultural expectations–we’ve forgotten who we are.

It’s time to WAKE UP and fully remember who we are as sexual women, as channels and vessels of all that is the Sacred Feminine. We are the very gateways through which our lovers access the divine potency of true ecstasy. And we have forgotten. We must first give ourselves permission to be sexual, to feel sexual, to engage and initiate our sexuality in ways that are new and outside ordinary boundaries and acceptable ways of being. We must press beyond what we have known and felt is safe in our expression, in our remembrance, in our utterance and crying out for what our feminine essence longs to bare. This is our time now. No longer need we fear the repercussion of speaking out, acting out, stepping out on behalf of the heart-womb-body connection. The stirrings that come from within have too long been silenced in fear, punishment and self hatred. Enough. It’s time to claim our sexual power in its fullness, to unleash the volcano of passion of the Sacred Feminine in all her glory and fire.

Channeling Ecstasy

So we have this energy, this sensual, fiery, lusty, longing, aching, hungry, passionate, pulsing energy that moves and stirs and awakens inside us. Anything can prompt its arousal. And then we are left with what to do with that energy. At least I am.

The next pondering I have within myself is how to channel this ecstasy, this fire. The usual suspects – sex, food, shopping, exercising, laughing, loving. Yes. I get that. But the deeper question I’m asking from the depths of my self is how am I meant to harness and channel this pressing sensation of all of my body, heart and soul coming to life and seeking to express?

I’m certain I am designed this way with purpose. I’m certain there are blocks – conditioning, heartaches, fears – to realizing, to opening, to connecting fully with what is here, offering itself to me. How do I dissolve those and get into the heart of it?

Lady Rose by Carmen Velcic
Lady Rose by Carmen Velcic

What is calling me next? No longer can I sit to write and type out something that is merely skimming the surface. My fingertips move with fire across the keyboard when I am sharing from my own abyssal truth and hunger. I know what that feels like. I long to more and more step into that space, to let IT move ME, to become the voice, the expression, the heartbeat, the pulse of my own Life Force; to no longer fear or keep it at bay.

These are the contemplations that circle in my consciousness today. How do I sink into my own ecstatic presence, energy, expression? How do I honor what is moving through me with purity, with integrity and elegance, with the potent and beautiful voice that is my own? I no longer fear my voice…..and with every day, with every word, every portal of expression and dissolution….I have come to revere and trust its sacred movement in my body.

That’s so much a part of this – ‘in my body.’ We MUST – we MUST get IN our bodies, loves. We hear it said so often it’s become a cliche. So take a bit of time and consider what that means to you – for you – to get IN your body. To feel from there, to give yourself permission to allow everything that comes through in waves as your own intimate truth. Let it all come to you, let it take the lead and drive you to what is surely your destiny, your purpose, your own unique soul signature. This is my prayer today…..guide me deeper into my own signature. Let me be clear in sensing when the kiss of sacredness is touching me, stirring me, arousing me. And let me answer with full openness and without fearing risk of exposure. This is my prayer. xo