Unraveling: ‘Spiritual Healing’ Not Required

It’s been quiet here–you may have noticed. Or perhaps not. This year, 2015, has brought with her many challenges and undoings, my health especially. I learned of my thyroid illness just after the birth of my son – nearly 21 years ago now. There were some times of struggle, but they’ve been in the distant past. Until now.

Discovering how jeopardized my health has been with the current condition of my thyroid was actually both shocking and quite devastating. In the midst of a virus type illness, I had a blood test, only to learn the number which should be around 4 was actually 41. In an instant I felt how deeply (and unconsciously) I’d been fooling myself with the belief my fatigue was due to a very busy autumn and holiday season. The path back to feeling well again feels so much longer than I’d like it to be. My health has been part of my vitality. To suddenly not have that feels foreign and to me.

Unraveling

At the same time I’m maneuvering this new way of loving myself, I’ve also dropped a lot of the labels and roles I felt were mine. They no longer seem to fit. Not because of my health, but alongside it.

What I’m discovering is a new way of being me, of loving me, of allowing myself all that is true. Every ugly emotion, every moment of feeling discouraged or alone, every new path that leads only to me. There are very few who will stand beside you and celebrate who you are outside of the spiritual ‘rules’ of healing yourself, being positive and uplifting, staying in love. Rules and expectations that actually closet pieces of our true nature, our raw emotions.

It occurred to me one afternoon as I rested and wrestled within myself that to so many in what I term the ‘spiritual’ community it might appear as though I’m immune to some deeper issue that is making me sick. Something about unblocking my 5th chakra, changing my diet, cleansing my energy field. We have somehow allowed into our spiritual lives this list of rules by which we are supposed to be living if we are in fact on a path of healing and wholeness. That list includes not being a victim and in some cases, not saying how you truly feel without the disclaimer of ‘but I know it’s all with purpose.’ A disclaimer that too often sets aside our pure (and dark) emotions of frustration, anger, discouragement, heartache. We are celebrated in our becoming. Who will stand at our side through the unbecoming?

In truth – it has to be us – ourselves. It’s not about anyone else understanding or celebrating our individual path. That’s the sharp realization I had that day on the couch. In my own inner dialogue I heard other people’s voices seeming to say ‘you’re not doing anything to heal yourself.’ My own voice respond with a truth that I am healing. Even in lying on the couch, feeling down and without any energy, unable to tap into something ‘sacred’ in my body – even in that moment, I knew, I felt my truth.

In simply being me, in allowing the illness to do its work as it is – I am healing. We forget the value of being much too easily. I find myself sinking deeper into its power as I am able to do less of the daily activities that were just a short bit ago a very big part of my life. The truth that continues to come is I am not who I was even a few months ago. Everything is different. I cannot tell you why or what comes next, I can only speak to where I am in this moment. I know who I am – and yet the question dances in my dreams – who am I now?

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Ebb & Flow

Hello my beautiful soul companions. Although it’s been some time since I’ve written, I’ve visited here often and spent a few moments with each of you and the energy of this space we share together. I’m wondering how your own journeys have been, as I know mine feels to be in a continual state of transition. Some would say it’s the shift we are all encountering at this very pivotal time in our Earth’s–and indeed our entire Universe’s history. Others would venture that perhaps it’s the natural ‘mid-life’ movement we will all experience as we approach ’40.’ And then there’s the life changes we are personally undergoing, with our own children more and more becoming young adults rather than children. I think, perhaps, the list could go on endlessly–not only for me, but for us all. When in reality, the truth must be that life is a perpetual state of being–being present to all that is moving, transitioning, transforming and shifting around us on a daily basis.

Even the daylight we enjoy is in continual motion. For we welcome the dawning stream of light each morning, only to usher in moonlight’s womb with the darkness. And with the changing of seasons there is a new dance of daylight that plays upon us. Storms roll in at times, bringing in the grey and darkness, offering to us the quietude of inner contemplation. We even change our clocks to accommodate the amount of light that shines into each day, and to make best use of her presence with us.

Why then would we not walk in step with this evolution of light? We are light beings ourselves, attuned to the brilliance of Divine presence as much as to the radiance of the sun’s warmth and shining rays. Evolution is a part of our being, our journey here on this planet. The light we carry within moves, shifts, shines, dims–remaining in a constant state of flux. It’s an intricate rhythm being kept between our souls and the day-to-day life of Earth school.

And so to each of us I offer this: Let the music move you. Allow yourself to ebb and flow with the movement of waves upon the shore. For what you find when the tide washes in, is the opportunity to start anew; to see with fresh eyes the potential and expansion within your spirit that is as tremendous as the specks of sand that grace the coastal shores.

All my love to each of you….xoxo

Patience is a Virtue

While that may be true, I’m not sure it’s a virtue I’ve mastered very well–if at all.  But that doesn’t mean the Universe isn’t asking me to continue learning and putting in my best effort to be patient along the way.  I’m not talking about the kind of patience it takes to wait nine months for a baby to arrive, nor the patience we need to save diligently for a large purchase we would really like to have right now.  No–the patience needed at this time is that of letting Spirit work in her own time.  Allowing the process to unfold as it will, without trying to exert human efforts in an attempt to force it through.  I seem to remember something about a camel through the eye of a needle or some similar notion from the days of church; meaning–that would be a miracle and is not something that can be FORCED or made to happen by any amount of human desire.

Isn’t this where we find ourselves at times?  Situations that occur in our lives, leaving us with the awareness that something is out of balance…but without the power to instantly create the change needed.  It’s a process, and perhaps it’s more like those nine months of waiting for the baby than I originally thought.  That human life has to undergo several transformations before entering this new plane of existence.  During that time, the protection of the mother’s womb is where the tiny new life is most protected, nurtured and given the conditions in which to grow.  Without this safe place, the life may not survive.

Do you recall a time in your life when you have been “in the womb” of protection, needing that time and space to evolve into a new form of yourself?  We can’t possibly know or be who we will become at the end of the process.  All we can do is remain in the NOW of it.  And what serves us best in this place is to allow Spirit to move through us, changing us along the way.  There’s no roadmap directing us, highlighting the path to get there or what it will look like once we do.  It’s the little “hints” and messages along the way–the whispers that serve as our travel guide.  That is why we are on the JOURNEY friends. 

In this place, I surrender myself to the process.  Opening my heart to whatever is needed to heal and become the vessel of love and compassion I choose to be.  AHA! Here is where we do have human power to be part of the change! We CHOOSE.  We may not be able to control the process, but we can choose how to respond to its presence.  Fight or surrender? I choose surrender.  For in doing so, it is to the force of Spirit that we offer ourselves.  We choose to be channels of Divine love and healing, letting go of our ego selves and lightening the burden of human “stuff” we carry. 

The word “entrust” is synonymous with surrender.  The Divine is the very womb of our protection, and a safe place to land.  Can we not entrust ourselves to the truth of this?  Surrender enters each of our lives at various times on the journey.  We are all called to evolve, to let go, to change and move more deeply into ourselves.  What is your present call?  How will you surrender and allow yourself to become the change?  Be still, listen.  For the answer comes…in the whispers of your heart…..

Evolving Through Time

I’m remembering today the grace of this journey, as our daughter Lauren graduates.  We begin with the innocence of birth, step into the “illusions” of this world, and along the way, we discover pieces of ourselves perhaps “left behind”–but in truth, they were “always there.”  This is a a time of transformation in Lauren’s life–letting go of these years as a “child” and moving forward into adulthood and setting about on this next chapter of her journey. 

Isn’t that the way?  We are continually growing, changing, evolving, connecting and learning so much about ourselves and this world around us.  Embrace it friends, each step you take is the most important of your life.  This moment, NOW, is what matters most in your journey.  The rest is behind you….or further out in front of you.  Your power is alive within you NOW.

Remember who you are…in THIS moment.  And if you need to look for a little help in doing so, just turn inward and listen….for your heart always sees you clearly….and will whisper the truth of Spirit to you….