Holding Space With the Sacred

It’s a funny thing, this world of ‘blogging.’ Doesn’t even sound right: blogging. So often when I’m walking or driving I find myself dictating posts in my mind, sharing with you so many things that amaze and inspire me. There are AHA! moments and wonders of this beautiful planet we inhabit; thoughts about what is and perhaps what might be. And yet, I sit to write and all those thoughts drift away leaving me to turn inward and seek the words waiting to be whispered. 

Today let me begin with THANK YOU. Thank you for taking the time to read my writing, to share your thoughts, to engage on the conscious level required to live authentically. Thank you for walking by my side as I explore the ‘good, the bad and the ugly.’ Thank you for your willingness to take this journey through the waves of emotion and uncertainty that accompany living our truth. Thank you. Whether you move silently with me or stop to post a comment and let your own voice be heard–we have a community of connection here in this space, for which I am deeply grateful. 

‘Inner Self’ by Elena Ray

It’s like prayer, I realize. We don’t have to get down on our knees and fold our hands, we don’t have to sit in yoga poses. We simply have to be, to allow, to ask, to receive. It’s quiet, subtle. The movement at times is like the crescendo of a symphony, and others sleek as the moon shining into the darkness. It’s always happening, though. Whether we are aware of it or not. The energy, the power, pulsating beneath what we see with our human eyes or ‘know’ in the recesses of our human mind. There is, however  a much deeper intelligence that senses it, craving its Presence, waiting for the very radiance of its Light to break through even our darkest moments. 

Finally (!) it feels as though the darkness has eased and broken for me. I can’t say I know when such a state has come upon me in the last several years. Surely we all go into this space? Unknowing, clear in our thoughts yet so muddled in our emotions. Unable to grasp anything that bonds us to the Divine even while we desperately ache to make the connection. And in truth, my friends, the stark reality is there’s not really a damn thing we can do to change it. Our tools are prayer, awareness and perhaps most of all a spirit of allowing. We cannot make sense of it through accessing the mind and all the training and knowledge we’ve accumulated thus far. The option that lies before us is to ask for help, to surrender into the gentle Flow and allow IT to move US. In some way, we are powerless. 

But that’s not true on the level of our souls, either. While we are powerless to control the emotional disconnect of it all, we are always able to choose how we will respond to whatever it is we may encounter. Seems we’ve been raised to believe that if something doesn’t feel right–well, you just do this or that and it will be better. Oh, no loved ones–this is not the dialogue of our souls. Our power there lies in trust, faith, openness. Always, always there is purpose. Always, always we are held in the arms of the Divine. Even when we cannot feel it, we are given the choice to trust. Trust we are loved. Trust the Divine is there, even when we feel separate. 

Words struggle to convey this truth. It seems so simple, and yet while in the midst of it, there is great angst soothed only by the comfort of prayer and faith. How strange for ME to lean on these two, for after the tumultuous experience with religion in my teens, I cast off all connotations to my childhood faith. They hold a different energy for me today than they did then, and yet I can see the delight my soul took in being One with the sacred even then. Ah, but that’s a story for another day. 

For today, remember this sacred truth: there is purpose in every moment. Every word is our prayer. And we are always held in the arms of Grace. It feels like a trinity of truths…holding space with the sacred…..if we choose. 

 

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Willing to Surrender, Opening to What IS

Just read this on Oriah Mountain Dreamer‘s Facebook page…and it was exactly what I needed at this moment. 

Willing to experience aloneness,
I discover connection everywhere;
Turning to face my fear,
I meet the warrior who lives within;
Opening to my loss,
I gain the embrace of the universe;
Surrendering into emptiness,
I find fullness without end.
Each condition I flee from pursues me,
Each condition I welcome transforms me
And becomes itself transformed
Into its radiant jewel-like essence.
I bow to the one who has made it so,
Who has crafted this Master Game;
To play it is purest delight – 
To honor its form, true devotion. 

~Jennifer Paine Welwood, “Unconditional”
Keep walking

Whispers of Forgiveness

For me, the guidance so often comes like the softness of a whisper. Just the thought of it reminds me of the moment in the movie ‘Phenomenon’ when John Travolta’s character pauses and looks up at the trees, swaying gently as though the winds are whispering mystical secrets across the branches and through the leaves. 

Forgiveness is the sentiment, the prayer, the truth coming through this week. I’m not someone to hold a grudge, and I can move forward pretty easily. Letting go, cleaning out, creating change…all seem to go ok for me. And although we have been working through the challenge of parenting three teenagers, I truly couldn’t imagine what forgiveness has had to do with it all. And yet….a minimum of three occasions brought the word into my consciousness, with the first two being on the same day. 

I believe forgiveness to be the act of letting go–of blame, of how we wish it could have been, of what we feel was done to us, of what we wanted but didn’t get. I also believe that the Universe is guiding our every step, and although we have free will, there is a path, a purpose we are here to carry out. 

When I looked up forgive in the thesaurus, it seemed pretty clear: ‘stop blame and grant pardon.’ In this particular situation with our son, I have searched within myself to find what it is I need to let go off, to forgive in order to continue healing and moving forward. There’s nothing I’m upset with him for–he’s not harmed me in any way a parent holds onto. What I did realize when the word first began to speak to me, is how tightly I hold onto that little boy image–sweet, loving, needing his parents, finding his every desire fulfilled within the confines of his family. THAT is a difficult thing to release and move past LONG after our children have already chosen to do so. Yes, I’m ready for this next step of our lives, my husband and I together, however I’m becoming very aware of just how much I’m subconsciously holding onto our children–and what was. This is their time to move on, to ‘cut the cord’ so to speak, and to become fulfilled in who THEY are. 

A bit of AHA! in that awareness, yes, and yet the process has continued on–‘there is more releasing to do, Jackie.’ Somewhere within that word–forgiveness–is enfolded another word–‘surrender.’ In order to truly forgive we have to surrender to the Universal truth that there is purpose in EVERYthing. Even when WE cannot see or feel it. And so the journey goes deeper: another strong truth of being a parent is that when our children are unhappy, when something isn’t going quite right, when there are ‘ripples’ in the smooth surface of their lives–without even recognizing what we are doing, we turn the finger toward ourselves. Guilt, sadness, responsibility begin to bear down hard upon our hearts. 

I could tell you with full honesty that we have done our very best raising these three beautiful souls. And yet, my mind knows there will surely be SOMEthing within them that will feel differently at one point or another in their adult life. As humans, we are so programmed that someone else’s unhappiness is somehow OUR fault. The greatest lesson my son is teaching me is that it’s not my job to make someone ‘ok.’ I can’t take responsibility for his happiness–something that is less visible when they’re little and dependent upon us. But these are young adults in my home now–making their own choices, honoring their own desires. It’s no longer mine to choose their next steps. 

And so this is my choice today: to forgive myself for not being able to ‘fix it.’ To release the negative energy of blaming myself for the unhappiness, chaos and struggles of those around me–especially of my children. I know this sounds simple….and I also know it will require the stamina of my soul to acknowledge its truth on a daily basis. Still, I’m choosing it. Forgive. Let go. Honor what IS rather than what I wish it to be. I’m no superwoman, and yet I can see so clearly how I’ve been trying to be. Forgive ME. Release ME. As my light shines, so then do the lights of those around me. When I forgive and release ME, I forgive and release those around me. 

*Thank you to Joss Burnel for her post Forgiveness vs. healing 

Healing with Pain

Sometimes Love asks of us that piece which is the most difficult to surrender. It is in this moment, we must remember to call on the power of Grace to infuse our every cell, channeling to us the stamina we need to honor Her call. And as we do, even while our heart breaks, the golden power of healing is occurring simultaneously. 


It goes against our very beliefs that we can feel pain and yet be healing all at once. Our ‘reasoning’ minds can’t process this Universal truth. And yet, there are times our greatest pathway to healing is to feel the intensity of what pains us most. We must move through it in order to release it.

How does one begin to understand this? Surely, my friends, there is no possible way for the brilliance of our intellect to grasp something that is true in the sacred space of the soul. Often they appear to be in conflict with one another–thoughts challenging the *knowing.

We must instead allow our deepest, most protected wounds to have voice, to become the gentle and compassionate whispers of our soul’s truth. THIS is the very place in which our human experience becomes consumated with the purity and purpose that lives in our soul. What we see on the other side will amaze and mystify–expanding so far beyond what we could possibly imagine. We become transformed, shifted into an evolved version of our spirit-selves. There is an illumination that accompanies such experiences. We have only to ALLOW it to be so.

A Soul’s Longing


Empty.

Waiting. Wanting.

Ready to be filled up.

Aching for something…someone

Absent of human form

Exceeding my physical reach.

 

Blocks. Desperation.

Struggling, reaching

Unable to grasp, to go beyond

To get within

The castle of my soul.

 

Dark night?

I don’t know.

Tears beg to come, but don’t.

Words begin to form–

Only to fall apart again.

 

Empty, hungry.

Frenzy building beneath the surface.

What is it?

Holding me here….

Blocked, just outside the veil.

 

Why can’t I enter?

I hear the call, and then it’s gone.

How do I get from here to there?

What is the next step to take?

I can’t see it nor feel it.

 

What is here to guide my way?

I’m asking…pleading.

Come to me.

 

Let me feel you in every pore of my being

Taste your sweetness lingering on my lips

Hear you with the ears of my heart

Know you absent of words spoken aloud

See you again behind the lids of my eyes.

 

Let me know it’s you

I long for you.

Be with me.

 

This is the cry of my soul,

The ache in my heart–

The restlessness of my being.

Come to me

As though we are one.

 

I open myself to you….

Ready, willing, surrendering

Into the grace of your presence.

 

Amen.