‘Good Karma,’ Angels & Grace

Something happens when we allow ourselves to be in a space of healing, surrender and honesty with the truth that lives beneath the surface. There can be a great darkness…and yet, the light is always present. As we practice the art of allowing without becoming attached to feelings and perceptions, streams of radiance begin to shine through. At first, there are only glimpses, as the emotions that arise can be overwhelming. But as we continue to be honest, to be true to the space we’re in, it’s almost as though there is a sudden moment when the light pervades over even the darkest and most subtle shadows. 

It was a contemplative process determining just how to write this post and what to focus on: good karma, angelic presence or the showering of Grace? All three have played a role in the shift I’m feeling, and so all three will have a place in this sharing.

Angelic presence….when my 19 year old daughter was hit head on Monday evening and walked away unharmed aside from bumps and bruises. It feels to me that people toss around connection to the ‘angels’ all too easily, not really in tune with what that can mean. So I’ve held back my own effort to bring angels into my life on a regular basis. Yes, of course I believe in them…but to say things like ‘the angels protected me’ or ‘angels are all around us’ – hasn’t felt real enough to own as my truth. 

These last few months, however, it seems they WANT me to sense them, to call on them, to feel them. So when Lauren was indeed protected from what could have been a devastating accident–well, the skeptic has to take a back seat. Not only was she not seriously hurt, she was also flanked by people who took care of her during the 45 minutes it took us to get to where she was. I prayed the whole ride. And guess what? I asked the angels to surround her. They not only heard me, they responded without delay.

 ‘You have some really Good Karma.’ 

This bit requires a short back story: we purchased two vehicles just three weeks ago – one for Lauren and one for our other daughter. The search to find a car for each wasn’t easy, as teenage budgets can only support so much. Just as it was getting frustrating and discouraging–we came across not one but TWO perfect cars–both through our mechanic. Trusted, reliable, affordable. Perfect. Bought them both after a test drive and we were good to go. During this process, I got to know Mary the receptionist at the mechanic’s shop a little bit. She knew what we’d been through to find a car, and understood what a blessing it was when these two appeared seemingly ‘out of nowhere.’ She shared our devastation when I called to let them know Lauren’s car had been totaled in the crash. 

What happened next just continues the miracle. The accident was Monday night. Tuesday morning Lauren made a post on her Facebook page about being in search of a new car. Only ONE person replied. Someone who knows Lauren very well and  just thinks the world of her. A Volvo isn’t the ‘ideal’ college student vehicle, and yet once again – a trusted, reliable and affordable car was available with perfect timing. We went yesterday to drive it – and ended up buying the car.

In a conversation with Mary I shared our story. She was in awe and said something about my aura (we’ve never talked on a spiritual level) and then ‘you have some really good karma.’ The weight and truth of her statement hit me. I do! I’m a firm believer that every situation is filled with purpose and every challenge offers something positive to us. We can always ‘recover’ and often we are gifted in some way with more than what we had initially. Lauren’s car accident was a horrible experience in the moment, but aside from some panic, pain and rushing around, the outcome has been incredibly positive. Hearing Mary say these words seemed to shake me out of the melancholy I’ve been feeling. It was like a bit of light shining through….a sweet reminder from the Universe that All is Well. One that I could actually FEEL!!

Grace…all of this is the sweet flow of grace. I know it and I feel it to be so. Last week I ordered two books connected with St. Teresa of Avila. It’s her teachings that led me to Caroline Myss and a class on Mysticism. In that space I learned of the power, presence, compassion and sacredness of Grace. She has been with us all this time. I know she held me as I struggled to find my grounding. Even when I can’t feel her, I know the vision of her essence wrapped around me is real. 

I’m grateful for all we’ve been through this week. For the bond between parents and their children. For the ability to take care of Lauren as she gets back on her feet. For the abundance in our life that allows us to provide. For the Grace that awakens us from the deepest slumber of our spirits. For the gift it is to be me. 

Amen. xo 



Feeling Through the Layers

It’s happening again. I hear the screaming woman in my head which means something is about to break wide open. There’s a struggle within myself: heart or mind? Knowing or feeling? Truth or status? ‘Good’ or real? 

I didn’t trust it for a moment
but I drank it anyway,
the wine of my own poetry.

It gave me the daring to take hold
of the darkness and tear it down
and cut it into little pieces.


And so 2012’s theme for my life persists. It was January 2 that I wrote Breaking Down the Box, followed by this comment back to a fellow blogger: ‘That’s where I’m heading in 2012…into the space where the mind becomes the observer and the deeper part of myself is the author.’ Little did I realize how prophetic that statement truly was. The dismantling of my ‘self’ has continued. What has felt safe and ‘good’ for so long no longer holds appeal. Unknown wounds appear out of nowhere. An emptiness endures which cannot be fed. The challenge is on–let go, surrender or satisfy the self with proving my point, being right, being ‘good.’ It’s ugly to even see in print. 

‘Dark Night’ by Fosforix

The beauty, however, is that amidst the darkest night of our souls there is always light. While this year has brought tremendous angst, inner turmoil and struggle–it’s also been one of connecting so deeply and intimately with truth and sacred presence that those experiences almost seem to intensify the dark moments. To have merged with the Divine in oneself so deeply in a very pure and real way is a gift. One that we expect and hope will last or reoccur upon awaking each day. I daresay there is a depression that sets in when we cannot repeat the connection. It’s a rare thing to glimpse the face of God, to be in the presence of such radiant sacredness. It’s where the soul longs to be in every moment of every day. And yet….we ARE human, too.

So comes the balance, the harmony of allowing oneself to be fully present in THIS world. It feels very much like a death, this unraveling combined with a perceived absence of the Divine. I *know intellectually what appears to be taking place. Yet there is no way to make the heart step over what lies in her path. The only way ‘out’ is through. The only answer I know is to be IN it–to let the truth of it be my voice. And believe me, my friends–it’s very uncomfortable. Being so transparent, sharing such deep intimate feelings is a vulnerable place to be. Still, I feel to be in good company. For I’ve talked with, read and watched many of you go through your own unraveling in the midst of a dark night.

Vulnerability and openness connect us. We see ourselves in the face of another. It raises our ability to serve as compassionate human beings, to be honest with ourselves and each other. And to drop the facade that ‘everything is ok.’ Because even though I trust fully in the Divine purpose and order of our lives, there are times as a spirit living in a human body that everything is absolutely NOT ok. That’s my truth dear ones: everything is not ok. But somewhere beneath the layers of ego, fear and pain is the truth that I am Divine and I am always fully held in the arms of the Divine. It’s just going to take some time to release the barriers to FEELING that truth. 

~ * ~

I came across these related posts while searching for a photo and wanted to share with you.  

Dark Night of the Soul by Jacque Keil

The Dark Night of the Soul by Chris Duel

Whispered Prayers

Every child has known God,
Not the God of names,
Not the God of don’ts,
Not the God who ever does Anything weird,
But the God who knows only 4 words.
And keeps repeating them, saying:
“Come Dance with Me, come dance.”

~ Hafiz, 14th century Persian poet and Sufi mystic ~ 

‘One Day My Soul Just Opened Up’

It’s the title of a book by Iyanla Vanzant that I’ve had on my bookshelf for years and never read. But something about the title has always spoken to me, and while looking at my website and seeing yesterday’s post title–And Then What Happened?–it was the answer I heard from within.

There isn’t any music or singing. No flashes of lightning or fluttering in my heart. And yet–there IS something different. I’m observing people all around me opening up in ways that previously were kept ‘secret’ or ‘distant.’ They share intimate longings for spiritual connection, talk about being born with a Caul (an indication of deep spiritual knowing and in some cases extraordinary psychic connection). I’m finding myself more and more in awe of what is being said OUT LOUD, of the courage and deep well of honesty required to do so.

But this is what I’ve been asking for isn’t it?! Yes, it certainly is. I want to be authentic and speak my truth out loud. And that is exactly what’s been happening in my life–on a fast track most recently. Our natural response to expansion is to contract. We need it sometimes in order to feel grounded again. We must be gentle with ourselves in this space–well, in any space. Too easily we forget the delicacy of soul language. And that my friends, is why our task is to honor our truth, building stamina in our souls. So that one day, when the call comes to say the unthinkable, to expose the unreasonable–we’ll be ready. We will have done the work that compels us to stand up and answer the call.

There’s no fancy language for what it means. It’s just true. My soul opened up. The beckoning continues. I just needed to get still and hear it. Thank you for your comments, your loving support, your gentle spirits as companions along the way. I treasure each one.

The journey continues….xoxo

And Then What Happened?

It feels as though this is the lingering question inside myself. ‘Now what?’ 

We all feel it, don’t we–that thrill and warmth of deep, intimate connection with the Divine. And then what? What happens when we desperately long for it–but seem unable to ‘find’ it? 

It’s true that the Divine is ALWAYS there. I do *know this. And yet I’m wondering ‘why can’t I feel you?’ The question begs contemplation. If the wind is blowing and I can’t feel it–why not? What stands in the way?

These are the thoughts running through myself of late. Then there are moments I have a crisp clarity, realizing focusing too much on the ‘why not’ removes the possibility of it. 

Just now–those words, ‘crisp clarity’ brought insight. What is my vision? It’s like being a seer who can gaze into a crystal ball and always ‘see’ something. Only….suddenly you can’t….and you’re not sure why. 

What’s the vision? ‘Now what?’ 

These are the places I find myself these days. And perhaps focusing on the void keeps us IN it. 

Writing, opening, sharing–feels wonderful–ALIVE! Yet every time I’ve thought of writing, there’s nothing there…and so I don’t. Thank you Janece for your post touching upon the art of writing–and allowing ourselves to do so: The Write Stuff. Allowing. Surrendering. Here they are, my companions of truth once again. 

So, my friends….what happened next is that she picked herself up, stopped focusing on the emptiness and instead welcomed her vision. The magic begins once again…as I look up to see the Red Headed Woodpecker out back again. He’s been around a lot lately and serves as a reminder to ‘march to the beat of our own drum.’ His red head signifies passion, life force. Time to look inward once again…allow the vision to breathe and begin her rhythmic dance. 

Red Headed Woodpecker in the backyard

And as it all unfolds, the 2012 journey to which I DID commit–‘No Comfort Zone‘–continues to shine her light and move us all forward. xo

The Great Unveiling

I realized this morning a bit of why I haven’t been inspired to write of late. This year has been immensely transitional for me in many ways ‘unseen.’ It came to me in these three words: The Great Unveiling.

That’s how I would define the first four months of 2012. Filled with such pure intensity of soul truth, there is no escape. The layers of protection are forced to break apart, fears no longer carry enough power to hold it all together. The need for ‘order’ and ‘togetherness’ out of balance with a force of authentic presence filled with human imperfections, enfolded in Divine energy. It’s the deepest longing of who we are–to release the stuff that weighs us down and honor the sacredness of our soul.

And to write amongst the movement of this space requires an honesty so pure it has felt uncomfortable to share these depths of intimacy in such public space. There is less and less ability to bring the words together in the mind’s wisdom and the eye’s beauty. Instead, there is a raw, searing dialogue of what is real in the heart–a place not always ‘presentable’ to the world. 

It seems to have begun when a blogging friend talked about ‘perfection.’ Once the sting had gone out of her words, I began to see the truth of it–how much of my life is geared toward striving for perfection, just ‘right,’ the best choice, being the bigger person. All these cliches that remove us more and more from our true feelings in favor of presenting ourselves in a positive light to the world–but really to ourselves. Admitting to such ego-centered efforts about myself, seeing clearly how I have bought into something my heart can’t support–has been at times painful and humiliating. Most of all between myself and All That Is. Because very few people are even aware of what is happening within my own inner landscape. And yet–I find support, love and grace around every corner.

Honoring our truth, living with authentic purpose–these are not simple things to do. They come enshrouded in our own undoing. We must be broken in order to become wholly committed to our Divine purpose. The Great Unveiling. Meant for me. Between me and the Divine. No one need tell me, guide me, help me to see it. It occurs all on its own. And the only way to maneuver through it is to feel it….and then choose to allow it. Surrender. Grace. These are the companions meant for this journey.

And if you are blessed enough to recognize it, you’ll find you are joined too by soul companions who will stand with you as witness to your truth, reflecting by their very nature a spirit of loving gentleness. Thank you to those who have done so for me. 

‘Vida Loca’

I’m delighted to be sharing a ‘first’ here on A Heart’s Whispers: Fay Hart has written a guest blog–by request. It’s an honor to have her share in this personal and intimate space, especially as ‘processing’ with Fay has brought about an instrumental shift in my life over the last several months. I love how she so openly shares her own truth, and we become student & teacher to and for one another. There is no pretense of knowing or being more than the client–only that of being a guide to our inner beauty and truth. I’ve learned to respect, listen to and honor my body as a companion and spiritual director of what is true for me…and to release more and more of the subconscious desire to control out of fear.

I invite each of you to take a moment and visit Fay’s uniquely designed website, and to consider sharing an Archangel Reading with her. The changes feel as though they are subtle as you open to the energy of the Divine in working with Fay, and yet the shifts that occur are profound and immediate.  

There is so much I could say to introduce you to this angel who appeared in my life. She is a gifted Poet and Self Awareness Coach, and I’m honored to share with you a glimpse into her own journey. Without further adieu, I give you Fay Hart and a bit of ‘crazy.’ 


“Are you crazy?” was a question I got asked more than once on a recent trip home to Florida, when I told people I live in Mexico. I peered into that thought. ‘Am I crazy?’ I wondered. I looked all the way back through my adventurous life. ‘You must be crazy!’ yelled my brother when he found out I’d hitchhiked to Tuscaloosa to see the Rolling Stones. ‘Are you nuts?’ asked my neighbor when I headed off to London with three hundred bucks and a vague possibility of a boyfriend. ‘You must be mad!’ said my sad college professor when I announced I was declining a teaching position at the uber cool Goldsmith’s College in favour of becoming a postwoman. ‘Maybe I am crazy,’ I concluded. But I remember R.D. Laing, writing about schizophrenic women, suggesting perhaps they weren’t insane but ‘struggling to make sense of a senseless situation’. And a lot of what was so-called normal or sane for women I looked up to sure looked senseless to me. So I followed my heart instead of my head, often winding up in precarious situations, living off my wits, scraping by, fearful and worried but alive and vital and somehow free.

My last great fit of madness, packing up my London life of thirty years to allow something new to happen, brought the same reaction. My gorgeous lover shook his head in disbelief. ‘But it’s insane,’ he said. ‘There’s nowhere to live but London. You can’t live in America, it’s not a country – it’s a whole bloody continent!’ I’ll admit there were nights I cried myself to sleep wishing I could just take it all back – the whole damn thing and just have worked at the phone company for thirty years and be looking forward to a grandmotherly retirement of brownie baking and bingo. But there was no turning back from my vida loca. Throwing myself into the abyss, whole new worlds opened up and I wound up buying a house in Mexico – at a yard sale no less! And now I am on the wildest ride of my life. Living quietly among the gentle Mexican people. Moving ever more deeply into the truth of who I am, who I have always been. And I’m pretty sure I’m not crazy. All the heartache, self-doubt, second thoughts and cold feet that I’ve elbowed my way through as I’ve mustered the courage to act crazy, have revealed themselves to be beautiful gifts, guiding me to my life’s purpose. Along with a traditional university degree, I have a PhD in anxiety, which serves me as I help people face their fears and release limiting belief patterns that prevent them from being peaceful. And I echo the words of Hafiz…

You don’t have to act crazy anymore –

We all know you were good at that

Now retire, my dear,

From all that hard work you do

Of bringing pain to your sweet eyes and heart.

Look in a clear mountain mirror –

See the Beautiful Ancient Warrior

And the Divine elements

You always carry inside…

I would love to hear your thoughts. And please do take a moment to connect with Fay:

Twitter ~ @fayhart101

Facebook ~ FAY

Website ~ followfay.com