Dancing Out of Control

Somehow I thought I’d read Women Who Run With the Wolves before, and yet I ordered it recently and am feeling something already awakening inside as I browse through its pages. It makes me think of a dear friend whom I met out here in the blogosphere–she very much personified what the Wild Woman archetype must be. (I miss your writing by the way, dear friend.) I love the feel of a book in my hands, touching the soft pages and feeling the inky surface as I flip through them. It’s as though I can breathe in the essence of the words, the energy put into creating the stories and wisdom just by caressing the papery sensation.

As I began to just open Women Who Run With the Wolves to random pages reading a line or paragraph here and there, getting a feel for what lay between its covers, a sentence on page 237 stopped me in my tracks:

‘So the woman who has danced out of control, who has lost her footing and lost her feet and understands that bereft state at the end of the fairy tale, has a special and valuable wisdom.’ 

What really struck me: ‘So the woman who has danced out of control has a special and valuable wisdom.’

And then: ‘The woman who has danced out of control….’

I heard my inner voice in reply: “I want to dance out of control.’

A truth uttered from deep within my being. A longing to connect to this Wild Woman energy; letting go completely of the remaining strands that make up the ‘need’ to be something. A good mother. An attractive woman. Loving wife. Well put together. Presentable home. Presentable appearance, manners, lifestyle. How on earth does a woman dance out of control amidst keeping up with so many expectations? How does one allow herself to become out of control when held under the social index of CONTROL?

It brings me back to the coaster I have here on my desk: ‘Dance like there’s nobody watching.’ I think I’m getting that part down. No longer do I wish to care who’s watching or who isn’t. Now I”m ready to let go of that. I’d rather dance out of control than try to imagine no one’s looking. I don’t care who’s looking. The music is calling and I’m going to dance…..